Thursday, January 10, 2008


TODAY , Thursday, and I am trying... trying to feel good... called the doctor this morning and am having the test this afternoon... something is going on... You know its not like go to the ER pain.. it is just pain and pressure and uncomfortable.. hopefully its nothing.. .. but I will know more hopefully by tomorrow A.M. I have been weepy all morning and it dawned on me.. in the past I would eat this away.. I mean I would EAT and EAT and EAT until I felt I was okay... please do not ask me the logic in that... there is none... but now when I get on that threshold of this pain is making me so frustrated... I cry and its not sobby crying it just tears just flow.. and its like a release of sorts.. So I explain that to Steve and to the doctor so they know why the tears are flowing... So instead of eating I cry ... I wonder how many tears I would have to cry to lose a pound.? (HA) ...
I vacilate between a appetite and no appetite.. truthfully that scares me a bit... there have been only 2 times in my life I did not eat... When my dad died and my wedding.. the extreem of sadness and happiness... so to not feel well and not have much of an appetite concerns me because that is not a pattern for me... Oh well.. enough of this.. I will let you know what happens... after the test... Everyone says its no big deal and the hardest part is just having a full bladder for the test... so thats no biggy.. I am drinking my cranberry juice right now.. ..

SOOO have any of you checked out that BUDDYSLIM site yet???
I am going to start a fire here.. I have a feeling .. and this does not discount anyone's feelings.. I was just perusing some of those blogs and shaking my head... I guess I get a little miffed at folks who only have 5 pounds to lose and think they are obese.. and are begging for support.. I suppose those 5 pounds on that person might make them feel way I guess... I just well .. I have a hard time with that attitude.. I guess because I have so much weight too lose my patience wears thin on those who really have nothing to lose... I chose setting up my blog on blogger to associate with women similiar to me and men too.. 5 pounds over weight.. ( IF ONLY I WERE SO LUCKY!!!) Sometimes I find these type of websites loaded with people who really do not have a weight issue...let me give you a better example.. locally there is a group of women so wealthy that they do not work... their husbands are doctors and lawyers.. these woman are in their 30s + and each of them has had some type of plastic surgery and they continue to go for a NIP or TUCK or shot or whatever almost on a weekly basis... so they will look good for their husbands... thats pitiful if you ask me... These women are thin.. and pretty.. yet they are striving for more... I wonder if they worry about their marriages so they get all this work done so their husbands will still find them attractive... !! PULEEEZE.. If I had that kind of money I would travel number 1 and not be in debt... IF I had that kind of money I would donate more to my synagogue and to charities I find worthy. ... Now mind you I am not against plastic surgery .. only recreational plastic surgery I have an issue with.. Where most women would say .. hey lets go for a cup of coffee .. these ladies say hey lets go for a shot of BOTOX... geez... I am 45 years old.. I have had a nose job, a chin augmenation and a breast reduction all because I needed those things.. I had them all done in my mid to late 20s. I have not yet started coloring my hair.. and trust me the gray is there...
HMM it seems as if I am in a whiney mood today .. shame on me... oh well..
Time for me and my whiney self to get to work !
Wish me well
Wish you well too


Lynn said...

I do wish you well :) And I think it's great that through this whole painful experience you haven't turned to food. Crying is good for you, so let the tears flow.

Scale Junkie said...

Wow, I hope you are feeling better this evening and that the sonogram gave them some insight. Please keep me posted.

I have no problem with woman who need to lose 5 pounds wanting long as they don't call themselves obese LOL

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you, hope it goes well!

Chubby Chick said...

Awww... I hope you feel better soon! Hang in there! :)

sybil said...

I'm with you about the people who have 5 pounds to lose and yet they have this totally morphed out obese body image. I suppose I could be more supportive and some would say if I'd been more concerned with 5 pounds, I wouldn't now be dealing with 100+ extra pounds. It does irk me though!

Oh, and now I'm feeling guilty for saying that because there are people with eating disorders and all. Ok, I'll go back into my nice and happy zone. I just needed to let the ranter/crab a@@ out for a minute!

Heading back to my happy place now.....

A Lighter Life... said...

Hi Honi,

I am thinking of you to my friend. As unpleasant as the sonogram must have been for you, I do hope that it will shed some light on what the problem is!

Look after yourself lovely :-D


LL x