Tuesday, July 31, 2007

QUICK DROP THAT DIET SUNKIST (or soft drink of choice)

AWWWWWWWWWWWW man.. not again.. not something else to worry about.. first I was worried that I was making you fat... now I gotta worry about having a heart attack because I love my diet sunkist??? geez.. when will it stop!.... When I can just enjoy things in moderation and not have to worry about the after effects??? Eventually we will discover that EVERYTHING is bad for us... why simply getting out of bed is bad for us because we could fall in the shower or worse yet.. get dressed and get out into the world and get hit by a truck??... GEEEE WHIZZZZZ .... Sorry not giving up my diet Sunkist.. it adds sunshine too my world... ( okay I admit I have a very boring world) ( actually I have a very active world and I need my diet Sunkist to quench my thirst lol )

So what to do... I really do think.. it is about moderation.. eat healthy.. have your diet soda... get out and exercise.. do it all in moderation....
Wish me well..
Wish you well too...

Monday, July 30, 2007


Well if you wander on over to my FLICKR site to right in the sidebar.. u can click on that and see the pictures from the pottery shower and see the infamous carmel cake.. I think Carmel Cake is a southern thing because my northern friends were like.. what is carmel cake? I of course looked at them rather dumbfounded and said... WHAT IS CARMEL CAKE? welllll there is only one carmel cake and that one is from Angel's Confections... just look at the picture and you will see why... sigh.. well I probably won't see that again until my 50th birthday....

In other news... wedding plans are going fine... I still get a kick out of seeing folks that have not seen me in a long time and seeing there reaction to my weight loss... its fun I have to admit.. and ... well.. here is a major step.. shopping is interesting too... Still in a plateau .. but things should be changing soon.. saw the podiatrist today and he said things look great.. one more week of open toe shoes and treatment every day.. I have to see him in 3 weeks and hopefully this whole mess will be over.. I hope... Otherwise I am still in PT for the shoulder and doing well with that.. the pain is still pretty bad and PT may be extended.. so hopefully this will calm down too... and I can get back into exercise full time...
Well thats about all for today..
Wish me well
Wish you well too!!!

Friday, July 27, 2007


Hmm I pondered this question in light of the recent study saying that if you have friends that are obese chances are you will weigh more.. so in a sense obesity is now contagious.. WOW.. in a way I can see that.. most of my friends fall in the overweight catagory.. though I do have thin friends as well.. ironically since I started losing weight.. many of my larger friends are not hanging around me as much.. Steve says its because I am changing and it either makes them feel uncomfortable or they know that I won't be eating like they do anymore...hmm I find truth in that .. however.... I certainly hope I have not encouraged my friends to over eat in the past because of my issues... what do you guys think about this??? My first thought upon reading about this study was that.. just what Fat people need.. more reason to discriminate. I wonder how many thin chicks will abandon their larger friends for fear of "catching fat" from the them? I wonder how many diet mavens will jump right on that band wagon... I wonder what other fat jokes will be created at our expense now. I wonder will anyone shun me???

Otherwise its fairly quiet in my world.. I have been busy building a wedding website for our wedding guests...

Eating has been going well.. exercise is slow.. seeing podiatrist on Monday.. my toe is taking forever to heal...

Hope everyone has a rockin' weekend! I have my Pottery shower tommorow night.. will post pictures...

Wish me well

Wish you well too...

Wednesday, July 25, 2007


  1. Why has food been such an easy answer for anything in my life? Food has provided a necessary blanket when nothing else would seem to work.
  2. What am I so afraid of or better yet what have I been so afraid of that I could not let the real me come through physcially? Scared of the unknown I guess and how I would be treated.
  3. What happens when this journey ends? This journey will never end.
  4. What happens when I eat more than I planned?? record it record it record it.
  5. Am I ready to let go of the past? the past tends to be sticky .. like a spider web that clings to me . I peel a layer off , only to discover another layer. I think the past has to be released slowly.. so it won't return. I think that by keeping change a work in progress that the past does not have to repeat itself always.
  6. What are your new coping skills? those are still a work in progress too. I try to communicate my feelings better mostly.
  7. What scares you the most about this journey? Failure
  8. Do you think you will fail? I better not, no I really do not think I will fail.. I don't think I have ever really failed.. more like given up when I am faced with a challenge.

Weight loss should never be looked at as a Fail or Do not Fail accomplishment. Weight loss is a journey there are no quick fixes that will prepare you for handling all the events that will come your way sooner or later as you make your way through this journey. One step at a time... that is what it is all about...

Wish me well

Wish you well too

Tuesday, July 24, 2007


Are you a Veggiephobe? Does the mere mention of carrots and broccoli make you want to run around screaming HELP ME!!! .. Do you hide your veggies or better yet try to give them to the dog???... hey dogs eat anything you reason... Does the thought of a crunchy carrot or fresh green beans make you itch all over?? Do you consider your veggies for the day the wilted lettuce leaf and warm tomato on your burger??/ if so... and if Ketchup is your favorite vegetable... then you my friend are a veggiephobe.... Vegetables get such a bad rap.. and I really have no idea why.. they are so bright and colorful and loaded with antioxidants in other words not only are they pretty but they are good for you too... So why are people so frightened of them. You should wave your veggies loud and proud and eat them raw and crunchy too... America has it so wrong... When creating a dinner.. veggies are usually an afterthought.. ... I think we should Have a Veggie celebration and make vegetables the forefront of our meals... How.. How you say can you make something so icky.. so delightful.. RECIPES.. my friend... everything from Eggplant Lasagna, to fresh roasted veggies.. to Veggie Kabobs.. to veggie omelets.. there are so many quick and easy choices out there.. that are good for you too.. and they will not lack in flavor... It is shame that our culture for the most part believes that the most important part of the meal... is the MEAT.. as the Pink Floyd song states.. YOU CAN'T HAVE YOUR PUDDING IF YOU DON'T EAT YOUR MEAT... wellll.... I say the song should say YOU CAN'T HAVE YOUR PUDDING IF YOU DON'T EAT YOUR VEGGIES!!! .. Meat should be treated as a side item. In America we are are blessed with an abundance of good food and if you live on a budget like most of us do.. there are ways to make meals veggie central with out breaking the bank... Many websites out there offer remarkable low cal choices... CHOOSE THEM.. WAVE THOSE VEGGIES.. eat those veggies.. Fill up on those Veggies ... Try a new veggie every day... C'mon you know you want too... C'mon.. try it... You'll like it!!!!!!!

Here .. check this out....
From the Mayo Clinic website ( go to healthy living and click on recipes)

Asparagus, tomato and red pepper French bread pizza
Dietitian's tip: For a crispier pizza, bake on a pizza stone — a heavy, round plate that simulates the brick bottoms of some commercial pizza ovens. For best results, put the pizza stone on the lowest oven shelf.

1 cup Asparagus

1 cup diced Roma Tomatos
1 cup diced red bell pepper
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1 loaf French bread, about 8 inches long, sliced in half and cut into 4-inch sections
1 cup pizza sauce
1 cup reduced-fat shredded mozzarella cheese

Preheat the oven to 400 F. Lightly coat a baking sheet with cooking spray.
In a small bowl, add the asparagus, tomatoes and pepper. Add the garlic and toss gently to coat evenly.
Arrange the French bread on the baking sheet. Add 1/4 cup of the pizza sauce and 1/4 of the vegetable mixture to each section. Sprinkle each with 1/4 cup mozzarella cheese. Bake until the cheese is lightly browned and the vegetables are tender, about 8 to 10 minutes. Serve immediately.

18 mg
13 g
650 mg
36 g
4 g
Total fat
6 g
327 mg
Saturated fat
3 g
274 mg
Monounsaturated fat
2 g

By Mayo Clinic Staff Jan 1, 2005
© 1998-2007 Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research (MFMER). All rights reserved. A single copy of these materials may be reprinted for noncommercial personal use only. "Mayo," "Mayo Clinic," "," "EmbodyHealth," "Reliable tools for healthier lives," "Enhance your life," and the triple-shield Mayo Clinic logo are trademarks of Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research.

This is an example of just one option out there if you are willing to be creative... and let meat join the ranks of the side dishes..
Wish me well
Wish you well too...

Monday, July 23, 2007


CHECK THIS OUT FOLKS.. a great website to help you eat out.. just go to this website enter needed info.. and go from there ...



Ranting.. I ask... what on earth is the family of this man thinking???? how and why do they think it is necessary to indulge him with all of this food... I would say if he was my family member it would either be tough love.. or I would have to abandon him.. he made his choice that food is more important than anything including living... I had to stop watching this documentary on TLC last night.. it made me physically ill.. I wanted to know how someone could eat that much food in day..why.. ??? I try so hard to relate... I watch my food habits.. I see what I eat.. I know and understand binging... but why on earth would someone eat themselves literally into oblivion.. ??? The show showed how that if his family did not feed him.. he would order out.. and order out literally by lowering a bucket with money down to the street and having the bucket filled with what he ordered. So why is this guy allowed money?? why is his family not intervening.. ??? why do they fry him up food in deep oil.. Okay the boy wants to eat a lot fine.. ( actually he is a 38 year old man) give him a head of lettuce.. tear that up... in a big bowl.. grill up a couple pieces of bonelss skinless chicken and slice that into the salad.. load it with veggies.. and a little light dressing.. let him gorge on that.. at least he would get some nutritional benefit from it.. so all he wants is saugsage , white bread.. eggs and God knows what else... too bad so sad... don't give him alternatives.. if he allow himself to be paraded on tv.. I would hope that would inspire his family to help him.. all they are doing is sending him to a quicker death... his organs are already outsized by his body fat.. his bones are being compressed together in such away that is squeezing his internal organs.. HELLLO doesn't someone care.. ??? I am sorry if I sound a bit heartless.. and opinionated on this.. and granted if he does not want help.. then I say leave the situation.. Don't allow yourself to look back as a family member and know that you helped kill him.. walk away... then.. walk away if he does not want help.. and get him professional help if he wants it.. Truth is.. when I saw him I had to wonder if he was beyond help.. I would hope no one is beyond help.. but maybe the facts are that out there in the is cold cruel world of ours.. People are actually beyond help.. I do not know why I could not watch that show last night... I have never watched something that made me physically ill like that.. Normally, I like watching these types of shows.. I find them educational and I try to understand what these people are going through.. but I just do not understand that I guess.. perhaps I am not as open minded as I would like to think... Those of you that read my blog ... are or have been going through these life style changes... some of you came from very obese backgrounds... some of you not so much... Some of you are like me still struggling.. having lost a significant amount of weight .. and fighting to keep your game face and game plan going... Some of you are just beginning... Some of you have reached your goal a long time ago... I thought with all that knowledge and experience out there maybe someone has some idea..... some answer as to why one person would consume so much food... I almost feel it has to be more than addiction.. something deeper.. I just simply do not know..
As for myself... I saw the podiatrist today and managed to get a infection in the toe.. ( do you think that had anything to do with riding 200 miles on a motorcycle and wearing closed toed shoes then walking around the flea market (OUTSIDE) in Atalla...???) *YA THINK??? geez I was stupid.. he said I probably picked the infection up with in the last 48 hours.. so I am back on antibiotics whoooo hooo... and I am off to PT this afternoon too.. so between my shoulder (and back) and toe.. I am a piece of work right now .. :-) All is well otherwise.. eating.. is on track... still eating more than I want.. around 1350 calories.. but working to bring it down..
Wish me well
Wish you well too...

Friday, July 20, 2007


Some Inspiration for Friday:

Great Article on Plateaus ARGGHHH they are so frustrating.. but imagine .. if we think about them in a different light.. here is some info.. kinda made me feel better...It is an interesting twist when we can view plateaus as a good thing.. a good sign.. I like that experience much better than feeling bad about myself.. read on ....
From Best Life newsletter

by Tula Karras

Nearly every dieter gets to a point where the weight loss slows or, worse, comes to a grinding halt. Even if you don't start regaining, it can be frustrating to see your progress slow, especially if you haven't reached your goal weight yet. Experts call this phase a plateau--and arriving here is actually a sign you're on the right track."The first 10 percent of your weight loss happens more easily, so when you get to a point where you have less fat, your body has to readjust to the new composition," says Audrey Cross, Ph.D., professor of nutrition at the Mailman School of Public Health at Columbia University in New York City. It does this by slowing metabolism and holding on more stubbornly to the remaining fat.

But now is not the time to give up!

The tips below can help you stay positive--and stay the course.

Look at a plateau as an opportunity.

Try not to get discouraged. Instead, recognize the plateau as a positive sign that you're ready for a few more changes.

Shop for new clothes. "Women tend to wear their larger clothes and put off buying new ones until they hit their goal weight. But you deserve a new look right now," Cross says. So go out and buy yourself some transitional clothes today. "It's amazing how flattering the correct clothing size can be.

"Don't obsess over the scale. Your body is changing in ways that aren't reflected on the scale. Because a pound of muscle weighs more than a pound of fat, you may not notice a drop in actual weight, Cross explains. But muscle takes up less space in your body than fat, so you may find some extra room in your clothes.

For more advice on how to overcome a plateau, join Bob Greene's Best Life Diet

Bob Green has been around for a while .. most folks are familiar with him through Oprah.. Though I don't subscribe to his nutritional program.. I love his newletters.. they are loaded with great info and good recipes and ideas... check out his website...

Some other words of wisdom... for Friday

I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. ~Erma Bombeck

Unknown Author:
Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can.

When you get to a plateau, think of it as a landing on the stairway to your goal. And maintenance is a lifelong plateau, so a bit of "rehearsal" for maintenance isn't the worst thing in the world. .

I wake up every day with the realization that this is it, that there's only one shot at this life and I can either enjoy the ride and live it to its fullest and to my highest potential or I can stay the way I am.


Don't Quit
When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down, And you feel like the biggest failure in town.
When you want to give up just because you gave in, and forget all about being healthy and thin. So What!
You went over your points a bit,
It's your next move that counts...So don't you quit!It's a moment of truth, it's an attitude change.
It's learning the skills to get back in your range.It's telling yourself, "You've done great up till now.You can take on this challenge and beat it somehow.
"It's part of your journey toward reaching your goal.You're still gonna make it, just stay in control.
To stumble and fall is not a disgrace, If you summon the will to get back in the race.
But, often the struggler's, when loosing their grip, Just throw in the towel and continue to slip.
And learn too late when the damage is done, that the race wasn't over...they still could have won.
Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow,
but facing each challenge will help you grow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
the silver tint in a cloud of doubt.
When you're pushing to the brink, just refuse to submit,
If you bite it, you write it....But don't you quit!
Author Unknown


Recall the things that have held you back.
And imagine how you now can get beyond them.
Think of the problems that have frustrated you so.
And imagine how you can now rise above them.
Look at how far you've come.
And imagine how far you can now go.
Think of all that you've learned.
And imagine what you can now do with that knowledge.
Consider all you've done in the past year.
And imagine what you'll now be able to do.
You're now in a better position than ever to imagine the very best.
And what you can imagine will lead to what you can be.
-- Ralph Marston

Hope you enjoyed today's Inspiration may it help you and me along our journeys..
Wish me well
Wish you well too..

Thursday, July 19, 2007


  • In 3 months.. 12 days.. 8 hours.. 17 minutes... and a matter of seconds I will be 45
  • In 3 months.. 29 days.. etc... We will be getting married...
  • Still have 50 pounds to lose
  • Still need to get my exercising in order
  • Still need to get my water drinking up
  • Still looking at the worst in me
  • Still trying to concentrate on the best


  • KEEP the faith in myself
  • KEEP the faith in others
  • KEEP making those yummy pita chips
  • KEEP using that Loreal Sublime.. if you are not a fan of the sun this stuff is great and does not turn you orange. I use the medium tint and I am very fair I use it roughly 3 times a week after shaving and exfoliating. the rest of the time I use Keils body lotion.. LOVE THAT STUFF
  • KEEP keeping my food log
  • KEEP believing I have come a long way since January 22, 2007 even though I am in plateau hell right now
  • KEEP trying to understand my mother.


Sometimes I see life through grey eyes.. no matter how hard I look the world reflected back to me is grey.. The sky seems heavy with invisible grey clouds... my thoughts seem heavy with invisible grey worry.

Sometimes I see life through green eyes... the world is rich and vibrant and smells like wet grass on a cool spring day... the sky isn't green but brilliant blue.. so blue that the blue gets darker the deeper you look in the sky..

Sometimes I see life has red.. a bit over bearing and angry and causing me the desire to eat... when the world is red.. I am stressed..

Sometimes I see life through a vivid array of colors... through my brown eyes.. with flecks of gold and aging green.. a whisper of hazel and some faded color... sometimes I see the iridescent glow that only a sunset provides.. this reminds me that I see the world in all its brightness most of the times... so that I have those grey moments .. sooner or later .. the vivid colors of all that is around me will come back to life... I see the world through multi color eyes..

Wish me well

Wish you well too

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


Toe is feeling much more toe like now... so thats good.. still looks pretty yucky but it looks more toeish at least...
I mailed out our Save the Date cards w/ hotel info for out of town guests and where we are registered in all the envelopes.. I had this horror thought that when I put these all together on Friday and it got to be after midnight.. and I was oh so tired I started getting worried that I might have forgotten to put the Save the date cards in some of the envelopes...... OH WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL they are mailed .. nothing I can do about that now LOL.. surely I would not have been that dense.. although I must admit I honestly can not remember if I left Cookie in the house when I left for work today .. or I put her in the back yard with Bazzie. Hopefully I put her out.. You know how some things are automatic... and you just don't remember if you did something or not.. I hate that feeling LOL...
Well I am sitting here... eating my breakfast.. I like to take instant low sugar Maple and brown sugar oatmeal and put in fresh blue berries... YUMMMMMY.. its like a mushy blue berry muffin lol.. in oatmeal form.. I love fresh blueberries in hot cereal...

I have been logging my food.. YAY ME.. I like that sense of control again... I dont look at it as an obsession .. I look at it as a source of control... which is a good thing.. I like feeling in control of myself.. I think we all do. It is those slip ups that can be so dangerous.. A slip up in and of itself is not a bad.. but when we get discouraged then a slip up becomes a fall and a fall becomes paralyzing in a way... Perhaps the answer there might be... that there should be no such thing as a slip up.. that no matter what you eat.. just needs to be that.. something you ate.. its done.. its over... if you binged .. u binged.. now you just deal with that too..

I always said I was bulimic but I forgot to purge... I could go on some major food binges... and even the I feel sick cue was not enough to stop me.. I am glad I do not do things like that anymore.. my binges are limited to portion control issues.. and when I stick with my portions.. TA DA.. I am in CONTROL>>. WHOOPEE>. Having been a binger.. and knowing that that binge was all about finding something to fill the void in me... It has become easier to identify those moods.. but harder to find something to fill that void.. I usually turn to music or blogging now..they seem to help and offer a good distraction... I try sometimes to identify when did all of this tug of war begin with food... was about the first diet my mother put me on at 10 years old.. ??? was I angry? what was I mad at if so.. Was it because someone else was trying to control my food intake.. and not allowing me the responsibility even at 10 years old?? I think the worst thing that was done to me was putting me on a diet at 10 years old.. I was 20 pounds overweight I know that.. but all this managed to do for the next 34 years was create a dieting and binging disaster.. I never learned how to control myself.. I never learned how to sooth myself.. I did learn to fear that I would not have enough food .. I did learn that eating a whole box of sugared cereal.. *fruit loops, apple jax..etc..... did not solve those deep dark problems.. but the sugar sure seemed to help for the moment.. I did resent that while other kids could eat what they wanted.. I had wheat crackers and cottage cheese.. I wanted to eat Cheeseburgers like other kids... I wanted to eat chips and fries and shakes.. and do what all the other kids did..I think if I had been allowed to be in control of myself back then I would not be here right now still struggling.. I would have learned that those foods are fun.. and are treats.. I would have learned that in order to eat those foods I needed to play and play hard.. to burn those calories instinctively .. I would have learned that I was just like everyone else.. not different.. but I was marked different at an early age.. My mother took diet pills when she was pregnant with me. ( thats what the doctor ordered so she did it) .. she gained 12 pounds with me.. I was 8 pounds 6 ounces of that 12 pounds when I was born.. I think I was born hungry... I was a chunky baby.... I am a confirmed believer that had my mother not taken diet pills during her pregnancy that I would not have had the learning issues I had through out my educational career. I believe those drugs did not allow my brain to develop the proper wiring it needed.. Hence I am ADD, and had a learning deficit only with Numbers.. Thank GOD I could read VERY WELL all through out school... and for the most part my writing was not affected... HOWEVER... numbers might as well have been chinese.. I still have a huge problem with numbers.. I have to fight to read big series of numbers... numbers move around on the page for me all the time.. they switch places... they invert..its hard.. and I believe that comes from those drugs taken while mom was pregnant of course in the 60s you could smoke while you were pregnant too.. I don't blame my mother mind you... she was just following doctors orders... however I had to pay the price of those actions... I do not regret my life... for that has made me the person I am .. it taught me compassion, it taught me patience.. however I have very little patience with myself... but massive amounts for others. it taught me understanding as well. I just wonder though if things had been different.. If mom had not taken those pills.. what would I be.. ?? Could I have become a doctor.. a engineer...??? could I have really done something that would have made a difference in this world... ??? I wonder about that.. but I guess thats just a waste of time to wonder about things that are so arbitrary ... Life is what it is.. and it is up to you or I to deal with what is on our so called plate at the moment...that is okay... it is alright...
Well going to do my food log...
Thanks for all your sweet wishes and concern that last couple of weeks with all the crazyness in my life.. I do appreciate it..
Wish me well..
Wish you well too..

Tuesday, July 17, 2007


My poor toe.. its black and blue near the base where the shots were... and it is still bleeding the doctor said it will do that for about a week.. so to be careful.. and call should the bleeding get bad.. I asked what constitutes bad bleeding and they said if I go through a bandaide an hour... okay.. I can deal with that..
OHH BEFORE I FORGET... got a great recipe for you guys.. easy easy to make.. and a great snack to keep around the house.
Store bought pita chips can be pricey calorie wise
So.. now I make my own... I get either whole wheat pita bread (140 calories for a round) or I get Oat Bran ( 90 calories for a round) I slice them into 4 triangles then I divide the sides so I have triangles covering my cookie sheet.. I spray each triangle with spray on butter and sprinkle the flavor of my choosing on top.. (cinnamon and splenda) or parmesean cheese.. etc... then I bake until brown.. it makes a great snack and VERY LOW FAT .. Sometimes I will do a whole bag of pita bread and stick the chips in a container.. great for movies... or lunches or a snack with a little cheese.
Lost 1 pound as of Sunday .. from what I had gained. so that is good.. 1 pound + the 50 other pounds and I am ready to go LOL.. seriously its all good.. I am back on track.. and trying to just deal with things as they come...
Wish me well
Wish you well too..

Monday, July 16, 2007


OKAY SO .. I did it.. I went to the podiatrist.. you know things are not good when the Doctor looks at your foot and goes WOW that is bad... in fact I am surprised you did not go the ER.. in fact its a good thing you did not GO to the ER... this very well could have put in you in the hospital in 2 or 3 days had you not come in.. Turns out I had an abcess.. Same friggin toe that I had worked on a couple months ago.. apparently that doctor did not get the root cauterized so I was back in Ingrown toenail hell... it kinda scared me when it turned purple yesterday... I decided to soak it in Epsom salt yesterday too and that helped.. I was very surprised to learn it was pretty bad today .. So first came the cold spray and then the NEEDLE.. several inches of needle went into my foot right where the 3rd and second toe on the left foot join. It was not until about 5 minutes ago when I slid my flip flop off that I noticed the base of my toe had 3 puncture marks and is black and blue... I can not see the rest of the toe beause it is wrapped up.. I am on antibiotics, I have drops I have to put on it.. I have wash it with peroxide for a week, 2 times a day, put the drops on and keep it wrapped.. no swimming until after I see the Doctor again next Monday.. He also is watching another toe on the other foot and worked on a bit to try and prevent any sort of issue like I am having right now.. He looked at me and said.. "we wont ever allow this to happen again right???" I assume he met me.. considering I was the only we in the room ... ohh I learned the hard way to .. only let a foot doctor handle issues of the foot.. no matter what they are. the skin doctor cost me over 300.00 because she considered this cosmetic not medical.. and them damn thing IS MEDICAL.. shame she did not do it correctly either... well I can not blame it on her.. it was my own damn fault for not going to a podiatrist in the first place.
Otherwise.. all is well.. will heal from this and get back to exercising right now thats on hold for this week. Heading to PT right now.. at least I will get a bit of a work out with that...
Eating has been good.. though not perfectly on target.. it has been good!!
Wish me well
Wish you well too...

Saturday, July 14, 2007


Okay that is the perfect definition of how I feel right now.. I am beat tired.. and pooped I have slept ohh a little over 6 hours the past 2 days.. Thursday I simply was a little wired.. and right now I am taking care of my nieces puppy who decided to have a crying jag at 3 am.. ARRRRRRRRRGHHHH.. Cookie is a bit distressed about all of this and unless I have her in the back yard she hangs very close to me.. as if to tell Chloe .. hey this is my mom.. back off... Bazzie could care less as long as she stays away from his food bowl... I have been keeping her crated when they are in the house.. Cookie started baring her teeth at the puppy.. I say started because i looked at Cookie and gave her the I DONT THINK SO EYE... and she kinda put her head down and started wagging her tail.. as if too say ..oops mom was not suppose to see that... and besides I was just kidding... lol... I have been giving extra loving to Cookie and Baz while Chloe has been here so they both know they are boss pups of the house... Cookie seems the most distressed she has taken to sleeping on the bed with me.. as well .. she only does that in the winter time... Well I am taking Chloe back to moms house early in the morning then I grocery shop, clean the house , do laundry and brush the dogs out.. and somewhere in there take a NAP .. speaking of which .. I am pooped .. hopefully I will get to sleep through the night tonite...
We got all the invitations done .. YAY... that really makes me feel better.. and I met the girl who will be doing my hair.. and the guy I love from the MAC counter at Saks is back .. Yeah I know what u are thinking.. what on earth am I doing going into Saks 5th Avenue... they have a AWESOME makeup area.. and the sales folks are friendly and knowledgable.. I love going there... plus they give TONS of samples of creams and things.. so I bought some Keihls lotion and lip balm and exfoliator... I also got some MAC primer and the MAC guy gave a sample of some foundation he wants me to try.. I have an appointment with him to do a makeover for the wedding for me.. then I am going to purchase what ever we pick out for me.. and then the girl who is going to do my hair will do my makeup.. and it turns out she knows the MAC guy which is really good.. HOPEFULLY she is not going to be super expensive to do my hair and makeup for the wedding... so that worked out cool today.. I am going to see her in August for a trim so she can get a good feel for my hair.. then in October we are going to do a run through with hair and makeup.. so thats always fun... okay enough of the fru stuff.\
Eating wise had a light day today which is good... I feel good.. mostly.. My toe is killing me again. it flaired up last night.. the one that was suppose to fixed .. in grown toe nail.. I am not going back to the skin doctor for this.. she charged me cosmetically last time for the toe when she removed part of the nail.. I am going to go to a podiatrist this time so it will be filed as medical as it should have been before.. pissed me off to hell and back.. I am still paying on that bill.. Just by staying off the foot this evening and not wearing closed shoes a lot of the swelling has gone down but the pain is still there... OTHERWISE life is all good..
Wish me well
Wish you well too....

Thursday, July 12, 2007

FACING MYSELF Remembering I alone have control over myself.


THERE IT WAS IN BLACK NUMBERS 184.6 I was 182.3 ... may not sound like a lot... BUT I FEEL IT!!!!....

This morning I stepped on the scale to survey the damage from the last week.. Though my eating has not been horrible it has not been perfect.. exercising portion control not as on par as it should be. Exercising.. nope... water drinking.. uhmmm a little ... healthy eating choices for the most part except for the 3 pieces of chocolate cake over the last week and the coffee cake attack Saturday morning at my mothers.. totally a nervous food attack.. almost like an out of body experience.. I saw myself do it.. but could not stop me.. I wonder if I was expecting something bad to happen... ( Saturday night as recently posted was a disaster) ... So I got out of bed this morning and faced the music.. STEP ONE. start logging food again religiously.. STEP 2... Exercise starting today with first round of PT STEP 3. forgive myself STEP 4.. STEP 4 is the HARDEST thing to do.. yet I know if I do not do that somehow I will go in the wrong direction.. I will start the endless fall back to the old me.. see how easy it can happen... ??? let the guard down.. slip back into old habits... very easy... ONLY THIS TIME... I found the strength to turn back.. make a plan.. move forward... .. FOOD LOG! WATER! ( water substitute) EXERCISE! HONESTY! Remembering I alone have control over myself! STOP WORRYING ABOUT THE THINGS I CAN NOT CONTROL OR CHANGE... WORK ON WHAT I CAN CHANGE and take CONFIDENCE from those Changes.. JULY 12th 2007~

Wednesday, July 11, 2007


I am not a flashy person... I never have been. I like attention on me but not too much.. You know.. I worry about the t ypical stuff.. my graying but not yet ready to dye it hair, do I have something between my teeth, or something hanging out that should not be kind of worry.. I have a group of wonderful friends and family who are throwing me a shower.. now considering I am not a shower person and really wanted a couples party... but the other half of this particular couple did not want to do that.. so this half ( me) agreed to have a dinner party with the girls.. this has turned into a pottery party at a local craft shop.. you paint your own pottery.. the hostesses are going to paint one piece for me and each of the guest paints something that I have already picked out.. that is their shower gift to me. I thought that was kinda cool.. different .. and I liked the idea.. I only had one request.. a couple years ago I had a wonderful slice of carmel cake that has always stuck out in my mind.. I have never had the chance to have it since.. So when asked what cake I wanted I said that one... there was turmoil about it because it was a little over budget but apparently a good friend combined with the efforts of my soon to be daughter convinced the group to just get the darn cake. Yay .. I promised myself one slice..thats my treat..and the event will be really fun.. I am going to paint something too.. I really liked that shop there were all kinds of things to do like glass fusion, mosaics .. really nifty things... so that will be fun.. that will be the end of July.
I like to be just as goofy as the next person.. but in my own realm of goofyness not because someone thinks I should wear or do something .. does that make sense??? So I hope I won't hurt any feelings or be considered a party pooper if I dont want to play wedding games... or wear a veil in my hair or anything else other than my hair.. I just am not into that kinda stuff... oh well...I am very excited about this party... and I dont mean to sound ungrateful thats not how I am .. I am VERY grateful for my good friends.. I guess I would assume people would know my likes and dislikes better... maybe I should become a BRIDZILLA.. what do u think?? kidding of course...
Okay next on my agenda here... is the title of my blog.. Toes over the edge... sometimes I really feel that way with stress.. For example I got in a little disagreement over the phone with my mother while I was eating lunch today.. I promise you my lean cuisine was gone in less that 6 minutes because I ate it so fast... I was so mad at myself... I was angry that I had allowed her to push me to that point. I am going to have to be firm with her now.. its really over nothing...she and my niece are going to atlanta this weekend and I had agreed to watch my nieces puppy Fri nite and sat day.. and returning said puppy Sat nite... BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... plans changed and my niece is staying in Atlanta until Tuesday ... and apparently my mother said she would happily take care of the pup while my niece was gone.. My mother is coming back Sat nite late... MY MOTHER also ASSUMED I WOULD CARE FOR THE PUP ALL WEEKEND returning her on Sunday nite... I told her I would bring the pup back to the house early Sunday morning.. My dogs do not like this puppy.. So I have 2 big dogs who live in and out of the house to deal with plus this little 2 pound puppy. I Have plans this weekend.. firm ones.. I am getitng all my invitations set up and stamped so that all I have to do on the given mail out dates is drop stuff in the mail.. that has been my plan for about a month now.. and my Mother got angry with me because I would not let her help.. well hell .. if she was going to be here Saturday she could help fine.. she wanted me to do everything on SUNDAY she assumed I would change all my plans to her schedule and do it when she wanted.. I told her.. Mom I have had this planned for a while.. this is what I am doing... u are doing your thing and I am doing mine.. SORRY... she is upset with me because I am not letting her help with the invitations.. OH well... welcome to my Wednesday!!!

Tomorrow I go for my first round of PT YAY and back on course to the world of exercise .. YAY.. so cross your fingers guys... and wish me luck...
BREATH IN.. BREATH OUT and MOVE ON!!! yeah I know.. I need to remember that too..
Wish me well

Wish you well too.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007


Remember a few posts back when I asked for someone to please send the rain Gods our way.. GEEZZZZ guys .. enough is enough already.. I would like to get my afternoon swim in .. with out the pool being closed because of lightening... HELLOOOO I never asked for Lightening and thunder .. all I wanted was rain.. what was this .. a 3 for 1 sale or something???? c'mon PULLEEZE stop...
that is all.
wish me well
wish you well too
trying to swim with out the lightening..


Just got a call from Steve... it's all good.. no evidence of cancer and no reason for a biopsy... the doctor said what he has is very common. He told Steve he could come back in 6 months for a recheck . The doctor told him that breast cancer in men is more common than you might know. I am so glad this is over and we can breath in.. breathe out.. and MOVE ON!!!.. thanks for all of your emails and concern.. I truely love you guys.. and appreciate your friendship, care and guidance.
Wish me well
Wish you well too.

and keep an extra eye on the men in your life... if you see something that looks suspicious make him get checked..



I decided to watch BIG LOVE instead of BIG MEDICINE last night... I needed the break from reality . Well today I am a little on edge. Steve had some tests last week.. and so far everything looks fine.. Today he sees the specialist to confirm that the lump is hormonally related and how to treat it. Last Tuesday was a relief when the radiology reports showed no signs of cancer. As you know Steve is a cancer survivor. I just want to get through today and make sure its all as the doctor's are saying so far. I tend to watch over Steve like a hawk.. I try not too.. I really do .. but when you have been down the road called cancer, your perspective on life changes dramatically. In much clearer terms you can define what is important and what is not important. I think that was the real basis of my post yesterday.. Here we are going through this waiting period.. and at the time my family had no clue what Steve and I were dealing with. So their shit became my shit and I gave it back to them so to speak. They have apoligized.. but it really does not matter... People tend to get caught up in the dumbest things and be hung up on the dumbest of issues.. they forget just how fragile things really are.. they take it all for granted thinking things will constantly stay the same.. Life is a force... it is constantly changing each second something new happens that we are not even aware of . It is an awesome force when you step back and look at it. Thing is .. often times we forget how to look at life and become wrapped up in the pettiness of silly issues.

Right now I am doing the deep breathing exercises one of our patients tought me.. She is such a cool woman. During the course of my weight loss she has given me many great tips the most important one was teaching me how to deep breath for relaxation and deep breath for rejuvination. When you concentrate on your posture and breathing it is amazing the difference it can make in just a few short minutes. I use the deep breathing relaxation method to help keep my blood pressure down and help control stress.. I have a hard time remembering to do this in the heat of the moment though and I am really trying to work at this... The rejuvination breathing really helps to pep you up... I know it sounds a bit hokey that just breathing differently can create these things but it really works.. right now it works better than the Celebrex I am taking for my back.
So today .. if you have a little extra time please say a little prayer that all is well with Steve.. So far EVERYTHING IS GREAT!!!!!.. which is what we want and need to hear...... I just want to get through this afternoon.. so both he and I can Breath in.. Breathe out and move on.

Wish me well
Wish you well too

Monday, July 9, 2007


Well it is just another magic Monday ... A typical Monday at best.. I forgot my breakfast... so I went to Publix bought a coffee mug and oatmeal and spoons so that that when I do forget my breakfast I will always have breakfast here at the office .. no problem.. yay me... lol..
I first stopped at the Chevron station food mart across the street.. it was weird walking in there.. from time to time I get gas outside.. never go in.. in fact the last time I was inside there was on one of my final binges... so it was a strange feeling walking in.. when I realized they did not have Express oatmeal containers I decided to go to Publix and get exactly what I needed..

We finally had some good old fashioned rain here on Friday nite, Saturday and Sunday.. the grass looks much happier..

We went to the flea market yesterday via the motorcycle and walked around.. there was a misty rain going on.. so it made walking around the flea a nice comfortable experience.. We were on our usual puppy hunt.. Came home empty handed again.. I think we are hoping to find another Cookie... not sure if that will happen.. and not sure we should.. seems my once friendly to dogs dog.. has decided to be rather unfriendly to other dogs aside from Bazzie. It could have been because Chloe .. my nieces puppy ( maltiyork) was jumping in her face.. now we are questioning if it is a good idea to bring another puppy into the house.. so the saga continues...
I have had a little trouble weight wise.. seems I am at the infamous platue period... so I am trying to rock the boat a little and hopefully my body will take the clue.. on an up note.. I start PT on Thursday which will get me in the habit of going to the club 2 times a week. This back and shoulder pain is about to drive me crazy.. seems as if the Celebrex is not touching it yet.. so I am going to give that a little more time too... Pain can be exhausting...

A newer version of my Tomato salad
Sargento cheese came out with a limited edition provolone cheese sticks. like the Mozz. cheese sticks...
heres what ya need
3 provolone cheese sticks cut up
fresh or jarred basil to taste
1 carton cherry or grape tomatoes
2 Tablespoons Olive Oil
3 Tablespoons Balsamic Vinegar

Mix and serve... I love this salad.. with either the Mozz. Cheese or the Provolone.. very yummy.

Anyone heard of PENZY's SPICES?? if so.. stop by there.. We bought a jerk rub for our chicken and turkey and we also bought Pasta Sprinkles.. ( they have some great salad dressing sprinkles and mixes as well..) Last night we took Penne pasta .. and mixed it with Spray butter and a few sprinkles of the Pasta Sprinkle and some freshly grated Romano cheese... it was yummy .. I bought some for lunch no Tomatos today..

I keep going back in my head to the incident this morning.. going into the Chevron station this morning... was I that close to a binge??? I was never a purge type of binger.. at my worst it would be things like a box of sugared cereal.. or a pint of icecream. or several pieces of bread followed by cookies.. or something else sweet. I never gave my brain a chance to catch up with my belly.. I would eat until.. whatever it was I was feeling at the time was pushed down... I have indulged since January but I have no real binges... which I guess is good.. Binging scares me.. eating a large ( or what I consider large) amount of food scares me.. Loss of control scares me. If you can follow this story .. you will see why I get scared for myself.....I had a family issue I had to deal with this weekend.. it was so stressful that yesterday I woke up with a headache.. My whole Saturday night was lost to this event.. I can't even explain it to you because when the words are typed it is so STUPID that its beyond all stupidity.. Roughly, my mother has never been the same since my dad has been gone.. or perhaps this is the real her and dad just hid it well.. controlled it.. I think the real reason she is the way she is... Overbearing, and difficult.. is because she simply can not find a place to be with in herself.. It is like , when my father died.. she died too maybe? or when he died she lost her Identity?? does that make sense? My mother expects so much out of people and there for is constantly dissapointed.. My niece is here for 1 month doing a pharmacy rotation. Mom helped her get the rotation. I guess my mom invisioned my nieces free time being spent soley with her... Well my nieces adorable boyfriend came in town and was suppose to leave the weekend of the 4th.. He is leaving this weekend however.. Consequently all the plans my niece made with my mother have changed... Change.. there is the key word.. My mother can not handle any type of change of plans. So needless to say she has been driving my niece up the wall... Granted my niece is a little on the spoiled side too.. but my niece came close to heading back to S.C. Saturday night and my mother was hysterical. I mean I feared for her life... she was so out of control.. my mother is almost 75 and she has heart issues... My sister ( nieces mom) calls my mother bitches her out.. and my mom freaked.. it was horrible. Thank god that one of my aunts and uncles helped get her calmed and rational again.. and I talked for a long time with my niece and her boyfriend and explained how mom is. I was so pissed at my sister .. but my sister was defending her daughter... and the most ridiculous thing about all of this is that No one did anything imparticular to spark this.. it just built up.. If my niece did not come right away or if she rolled her eyes or whatever... She got a lecture how disrespectful her generation is to older people.. U know.. it is a fact most kids today are not the kids of our parents generation.. I think my mother had it in her head that when my father passed that she would be the Matriarch of the family and we would all coddle and take care of her.. and none of this has come to pass.. Let me tell you.. My mother is basically very healthy and it is as if she wills being old on herself.. for attention. My mother also is the type.. that she holds things over you... so with my niece who wants to come and go .. and do as she pleases when she is not working.. and spend SOME time with her grandmother.. but also enjoy the company of her boyfriend ... well its been a chore.. my niece and her BF have included her on many things.. but should they want to do something on there own.. well my mother has a hard time with it.. I do feel bad for mom.. she feels lonely. but on the same note.. she has no idea how difficult she can be... she wants everyone to think of her as sweet and nice.. but boy she has a bite to her .. that makes it so hard... So what does binging have to do with all of this???? I just start getting concerned.. when I am put under this much stress between losing weight, planning for the wedding, being a good partner and helpmate to Steve etc....and then I wonder how much I can handle before I feel that urge.. you know what I mean??? that urge to eat the trouble away.. what are my coping skills??? I know what they are suppose to be.. face the issue head on .. breath and move on.. but sometimes the easy way out seems so .. well tempting... eating the fear.. eating the anger... eating the pain away well I know the outcome is not what I really want.. OVEREATING.. and so far I am in good shape.. but the way those feelings started surfacing again.. was.. scarey... but you know something.... I survived and that a very good thing....Enough rambling..
Wish me well
Wish you well too...

Friday, July 6, 2007


HI, its me .. the fat kid.. you know .. the one with the weird hair, the crooked teeth. The nose that needed fixing... Its me the kid you squirted ink at .. me the kid in the brand new white shirt.. I was so proud I had kept it clean all day... and then you came along and flicked your blue ink pen at me and ruined my shirt...tall skinny girl.. i remember you.. I know your name.. I am sure you have long forgotten me... but I still hear the echoes of your laughter ... some 30 years later...hey its me.. fancy blond girl.. laughing at me because you think my teeth are discolored.. and you ask me if I smear butter on my teeth.. and you laugh your blond laugh... and you are proud of yourself as you knowingly look over to your friend who laughs with you... you would never remember me but I remember you... hey .. its me the kid you threw a rock at and cut my forehead over my left eye.. I remember you blond headed boy.. I remember your name.. you would never remember me.. I think it shocked you when the rock made actual contact with my skull.. it hurt me.. but you don't care blond little boy..Hey its me.. the kid you pushed off the school bus and down the steps in in Junior high school. Its me .. hey... i am the kid you finally started ignoring for the most part.. there were finally others to laugh at ... HEY .. brown haired boy.. yeah u.. the one that barked at me when I walked through the doors of the high school.. you would laugh and laugh... now why didn't I think it was funny.. I know your name... but you have no clue who I am ... and then there was you another blond boy.. you humiliated me in high school by asking me on a date in front of the entire classroom as a prank to get into a fraternity.. my heart pounded with the anticipation of the thought.. "could this be real.. and then the cold harsh slap of the real reality and the reason you were asking me as everyone laughed... years later we would meet again in a college course.. and for the life of you you could not figure out why i was not very friendly.. I found the courage to tell you why... and you simply said .. people grow up... honi.. and then you said I am sorry... and we were friendly to each other during that course. I never have seen you again.. but thank you for saying I am sorry.. it made things better... I was one of the lucky ones.. I went to boardng school to finish up high school.. I blossomed there.. I started a school newspaper there. I sang... I wrote... and I studied and grew... I never managed my weight well there.. and I still struggle with that... but the most important thing.. is I survived you... Through the countless times I just wanted to simply die because I was not good enough, or pretty enough.. or this enough or that enough... because I was different... because I was not as bright as you.. or for whatever reason you labeled me different.. I survived.. I will never forget you.. but I have forgiven your ignorant taunting and your absolute bliss in using me as your prey....I hope your children are nothing like you were.. but I have feeling .. the acorn .. well you know.. doesn't fall far from the prolific tree....

Thursday, July 5, 2007

THURSDAY THINKING... give this a read... I am not sure what this site is... a website a blog... not exactly sure if it is real or not.. but I found it during one of my many perusings of the net... I also took the opportunity to watch Shaq's show and I really liked it .. there were some areas that the trainer was a tad harsh but nothing that the kids could not handle... What I dont understand is that why don't the parents.. totally clean out the kitchen and revamp their eating lifestyle as well.. not only does it create a more postive environment for the child but its also better for them.. I am not saying stock up on just carrot sticks.. but I am saying have healthier food choices available.. and a kid should not have a JUNK FOOD DAY.. what does that teach them ??? NOTHING.. I believe in incorporating all food into your meal plan.. so if one day you want 2 slices of pizza... plan for it and and record it... Or if you want a burger.. plan for it and make it a part of your meal plan.. this way food does not get a label.. ALL FOOD IS Equal.. I do think that eating in moderation is possible and a long term goal of mine.. Right now I have to be fairly strict with myself... however even now I allow myself the extra treat or so.. but I have to keep track of it lest I allow it to throw me off track.. ...back to the Shaq show .. They visited a middle school and I listened to the principal complain that they did not have funds to have a mandatory PE class... There are so many options out there that do not have to cost a billion bucks to make programs like this happen, I think you can get college kids that are training to be PTs or Physcial education teachers and have them work out an internship in the school sytsem.. developing programs with the educational boards assistance that would give these kids more opportunity to move. I also am a firm believer that all VENDING MACHINES need to be out of schools.. and ALL fried foods needs to be out of school as well.. Does this mean our kids suffer with less choices... ??? well u can look at it like that if you choose.. I think there are plenty of ways to change things... but the desire for change just as an individual desire for change must be there. I also think for obese children and teens that a program geared to their needs should be available as well.. More often than not an obese kid is not going to want to be a part of a standard gym program .. We all know why... those of us who were tormented in elementary school/middle school/ high school... because of their weight or some other difference... well.. we, they know why a program geared to childhood obesity would be helpful.. be it a walking program or a swimming program.. something that would get this kids moving in an environment that is not threatening but encouraging would be good as well. Yeah I know.. everything is all about money... but in truth.. with trained volunteers and interns.. things could happen not just for the obese child but for all children. Regarding the vending machines and fried foods I mentioned above... Kids do not need as many choices as we think...Kids need limits and guidance. It is hard watching these young people eat themselves to death.. and yes I can relate... in the worst way. I wish these six kids on Shaq's show all the best.. they have a great opportunity .. I hope they use it to the fullest. With all the shows out there that provide oportunity for kids or adults to lose weight I can only hope thse folks realize what opportunities they have been given.. yeah I know I say this all the time...


Try that visual DNA thing above its kinda cool.. it pulls up your likes and dislikes in a different way...
Would someone please bring some rain to Alabama .. we could use some .. this drought really sucks.. I finally had to bid my 'mater plants a fond farewell.. we shall meet again next year... I think next year instead of potting them on the deck we will actually make an inground garden...

Would someone please explain to my dog Cookie that she does not have to be so quirky.. sometimes she is fine in new experiences and some times she just weirds out.. showing her teeth ( not growling) it is like an anxiety issue... She did okay with the fireworks last night ... as long as she was on our bed with her head on her sheet.. Our bed is her safety zone whenever she is upset .. I think she was a little scared of my nieces dog CHLOE.. Chloe weighs 2 pounds and is a Matli York.. I don't think Cookie realized she was a puppy ... she got used to her after a little while.. the funniest even was yesterday.. we kept the dogs downstairs and crated because we had so many folks over for the 4th... at one point.. Chloe ( all 2 pounds of her) chased our black lab Bazzie into his crate... ( we had let him out to stretch a little) barking at him and chasing him .. I thought he was going to turn around and bite her head off.. but he seemed totally disinterested in her.. ohh.. he weighs about 85 pounds... I will say this about Cookie.. we really do not want to pull her quirkyness away from her because she is a GREAT WATCH DOG... Bazzie is the type that would open the door for a bad guy and say Hey yo.. got some Pizza??? wanna share.. sure .. you can have the TV, PC, uhmm anything you want.. uhmm got food.????.. Cookie on the other hand is less friendly lol... I think if there ever was a threatening situation they would both stand up to the plate so to speak...though.. they are pretty intense about their territory ...

Would someone please tell me the proper amount of time for mailing wedding invitations... is it 8 weeks or 6 weeks before the event.... or does it really matter????

No Surgery for Honi.. My doc has decided that we should avoid another back surgery.. as he said it opens up a whole new set of issues... So I start PT next Thursday and will go from there regarding exercising.. I would rather have PT a couple times of year for the spine than anymore surgeries...

Eating wise>>>

I ate fairly well yesterday .. I did indulge in a few treats.. but today I have been all about fruits and veggies and yes.. friends I am trying to be about water too.. TRYING ..I finished my first water bottle today ... roughly 20 oz.s I want to get up to drinking 2 of these a day and then go from there.. thats my immediate goal..
Wish me well.
Wish you well too..

Tuesday, July 3, 2007


BIG MEDICINE VS. BROOKHAVEN OBESITY CLINIC I watched both shows last night... Steve asked me if this was my latest obsession to watch these shows.. much like I enjoy American Idol or America's Got Talent.. or shows like that.. I actually know that I will watch these 2 shows...
One makes me sad and the other makes me mad. Big Medicine takes those patients who really have no other alternative in MOST cases and helps them by assisting then in losing weight with bariatric surgery. I say assisting because in the real world that is exactly what these surgeries do.. they are not a quick fix as claimed by Brookhaven obesity clinic. Its an assist for those who can not control themselves. Now on the flip side of that.. I do think that all other avenues really need to be exhausted before sugery becomes an opption. I have never thought that weight loss surgery is a good thing because even though it might force a patient to eat less because of the procedure done, what does it teach the patient??? nothing... I think every avenue has to be used when having this surgery that simply means a combination of surgery, eating right and exercise and therapy. I think thats one of the reasons I like Big Medicine because they are coming from every angle. Last nights episode brought to light several things about bariatric surgery that I did not know.. One that.. a lot of folks exchange one addiction for another.. once they have the weight under control in many cases these patients turn to alcohol as their next addiction. I think thats why I like the fact that they approach this with a therapist as well.. Someone who recognizes when a patient is really ready for surgery and when they would switch one addiction for another in some cases. I watch both shows because I can relate to the inviduals so well.. I can relate to those eating issues as if they are my very own.. and in some cases they are my very own. Some of the folks at Brookhaven had so many wonderful opportunities yet they continued to make poor eating choices.. this baffled me.. Who out there would not grab at the chance to be in one place.. no kids, no distractions just a place to work on ourselves and slowly get back into our lives after we have gotten on the road to achieve our goals.. I would have loved to had that chance... However for most us out there.. we have to incorporate our lifestyle changes from the get go.. and learn how deal with obstacles along the way .. We do not get to focus our energy on changing right away ... It made me sad to see some of those patients still binge eat..... when there are so many folks out there that would love that help but can't get it. Maybe our way is better .. dealing with the real world as we make our changes.. maybe in the long run that is the best way... I am not sure to tell you the truth..
In any respect I guess it is fundementally about what works for the individual in the long run.
If you have not watched these shows yet.. try too.. they are on Monday nights on the TLC channel.. Its a sad yet interesting perspective.
Wish me well..
Wish you well too..

Monday, July 2, 2007


I am not sure what I believe these days... I peruse the net for info about the latest Fat Acceptance information. All of these questions come to mind... Accepting being Fat... is that just Giving up? Accepting that you are a fat person and thats okay.. I am not saying that being Fat is a bad thing.. I have been fat since the day I was born..I have spent more of my life as an obese person than as a healthier smaller person. I look at Fat Acceptance and I wonder what this means... Fat is fine for some people.. They are comfortable with their size and are trying to negotiate with the general public to lay off fat jokes... and accept them as they are. In theory I have no problem with that.. In reality I have no problem with accepting those who choose to be large. Yet I also realize how this world is.. and these folks will always have a more difficult time because they are yet another minority in a health oriented yet morbidly obese world... (WTF) a health oriented yet morbidly obese world?? Go figure that one out.... People all over the world spend billions upon billions of dollars investing in the latest fad to change their body shape with out they themselves having to do the raw hardcore ugly work....In this real world of ours where fat is associated with sloppy and unkept ... I seriously doubt no matter what... that there ever will be true fat acceptance.. for just like any minority... they will always have some hurdle to over come. Now is that why I have chosen a different path...???
NOPE.. we know why I chose this path... because if I did not choose this path.. I was going to die.. bottom line thats why. I started blogging.. and met some wonderful folks that have helped me along... this very long and somewhat perilous journey... Every day I take time to learn more about what I am going through.. and I ask lots of questions.. because I want this time to be the last time I struggle with this... ... because being a weight warrior is something I will be until the day I am planted in the ground. This will be a constant for me.. accepting that was the hardest part of losing my weight so far it was almost as hard as calling myself Morbidly Obese and I had to realize in order to achieve success with any of this I had to accept the truth...... knowing there is no end .. only constant change as I approach new situation after new situation... it was hard to accept that.. but by blogging... by making friends with you guys.. by finding blogs that fill me with comfort and inspiration.. it is so helpful... I don't have any firm thoughts on fat acceptance.. I know that I could never accept myself as I am .. thats why I am trying to change myself... I can not wait to hit the 30 pound mark and when I am finally finished.. at the very end my body will be less 79.5 pounds.. I am going to do this... with your help...
I have a blog I love to read ... it is called the Diet Pulpit.. click on it sometimes.. its located in my side bar.. I love the varied and many topics they discuss.. I love the links .. and I always feel so good after a visit and sometimes I even comment on stuff.. its just a really informative and warm place to visit... check it out...

Well wish me well
Wish you well too..

Sunday, July 1, 2007

OKAY I FIBBED a little

Okay .. Okay.. I admit it I fibbed a little I never made it to the pool.. but I am taking my swim suit with me to work tommorow and some exercise clothes ( I have to wear those at the doctors so I can get the Xrays.. * sorry won't wear the lovely paper fashions they have at his office.. i can wear a plain cotton Teeshirt and yoga pants and be fine... and comfortable too.. am worried about the shoulder more than normal now.. I have pain in my chest to the bone.. and pain down the left arm to the elbow to the bone.. thats nerves I can tell that... when I move my hand a certain way it will tingle.. so that tells me there is a lot of inflammation... the chest pain is in the bone and muscle just as the radiating pain down the spine and across the right shoulder blade is all radiating pain... not the reall source which lies buried in the left shoulder blade... It will be nice to finally have it diagnosed with a name instead of calling it that pain in my shoulder like I have done for 9 years.. hard for me to believe that accident was nearly 9 years ago.

Well time to go grocery shopping
wish me well
wish you well too


I did it I did it... YAY.. going swimming this afternoon I found a swim suit just like I wanted.. and I got a SIZE LARGE... no plus sizes YAY!!!!!! that was cool.. sooo I am off to the pool to .. .. you guessed it...!!! EXERCISE !!! and tomorrow afternoon I go to the bone doctor about the shoulder... I think once I am through this .... I will be doing better in the exercise department.. Weigh day is tomorrow...

Wish me well
Wish you well too!!!