Wednesday, March 19, 2008


this will probably be my only time to say hi from Israel.. we are in Haifa right now.. Food is Fabulous.. People are eclectic.. and its really been an amazing adventure so far... get this .. I walked down 700 steps.. yes 700 steep steps at the Persian gardens.. yesterday ..... walked through roman ruins in Ceasarea yesterday too.. will explain more when I get home.. Hope everyone is doing well..
Wish me well
wish you well too...
ps logging onto blogger was a hoot.. the prompts are all in hebrew.. lol.. and I dont read hebrew at all except in our prayer books.. and that hebrew has vowels with it so it is easier to read... not to mention 90% is memorized after all these years LOL..

Friday, March 14, 2008


Wish me well
Wish you well too..
will try and post from israel off the blackberry if I can.. not sure if i will be able too or not..

Thursday, March 13, 2008


My thoughts are running a mile a minute.. and my sleep as been interupted with this wonderful anticpation of this big adventure we are about to embark on.. Am I nervous... yes.... Am I excited.. YES..have I tried to imagine and play out different scenes in my head of what it will be like.. OF COURSE.. am I thrilled to be on a plane for 11 hours going one way and 13 hours when we come home... exactly 24 hours total on a plane.. UHHHHMM that would be NO.. well 11 hours direct is far better than getting on and off a plane .. and worrying about missing a plane etc... this way .. God Willing we will be on our flight Saturday evening.. and away we go.. One of Steve's brothers and his wife are there by now.. who would have ever thought that this was actually going to really happen... ??/ I mean a year ago.. I dunno.. I would never have thought I would be really getting to make this trip.. a trip I have thought about .. well since I was a little girl.. I am rather excited because when we get back shortly afterwards is Passover.. and at our family Seder .. I will have actually walked the walk.. instead of saying NEXT YEAR in Jerusalem at the end of the service I will know in my heart .. that I can say I was there.. I was just there .. I feel that someone can tell you stories all your life.. and you can pray all your life.. and be the biggest of believers in whatever it is you choose to believe in.. but when you actually get to feel it.. get to feel the vibe.. get to see this religious history... there has to be something there that I am so unaware of that soon I will know.. I really can not explain that better... perhaps what it is is a connection of sorts.. I guess I will know it when I am there.. this will be very interesting ...
As with all great adventures... something always has to arise that makes you question if you should really go or not... Mom got the results back from her echocardiogram.. ( not sure how you spell that) and it has changed.. Mom had a valve replacement done in about 1992 and over the last few years it has begun to leak.. so they have been watching it.. the test showed there has been bigger change this time.. right now she is at the cardiologists office.. one of my wonderful uncles went with her... we will know more after this visit.. it looks like she might be having to have open heart surgery again.. We have been expecting this for some time so its not shocking... Mom was all upset because she does not want this to interfer with our trip and hopefully ( she says selfishly) I hope it does not... I am hoping they can do this this summer so my sisters can come and help.. but it all remains to be seen.. so .. am waiting on that news...
My blog will be taking a change when we get back from Israel.. sure I will post the usual personal musings.. but I will go back to focusing on food and weight loss.. trust me I have not forgotten that.. Oh and on a good note.. my BP was good and my cholesteral is fairly good..the good stuff is excellent the bad stuff is a little high not too bad.. my overall score was a little over 200 but I need to bring it back down...thats one of my goals to bring the over all number well under 200... as I eat healthier and exercise more.. simple to type.. more complicated to do..
Wish me well
Wish you well too

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


Truths about me:
I am squeamish about bugs
I worry
I am a good friend
I am honest to others
I lie to myself
I get scared when I tell me the the truth
I am always grateful when I tell me the truth
I have to make theses changes or I am going to die a lot younger than I planned on
I love my husband more each day I am with him as if that is even possible
I love most music
I love honest people who really know how to be honest and do not placate you with lies
I have issues with my mom
I love my mom
I wish I had been a different daughter
Sometimes I wish I had followed the yellow brick road and gotten married at a younger age and gotten to have a family.
I believe I am number 2 instead of number 1
I wonder if my list will change after my trip to Israel
I want to be better than I am
I would love not having to work I would volunteer and do more things and see more things if I did not have a job
I wish I had more friends
I love the friends I have
I can be difficult
I feel that what I went through as a child , being made fun of etc.. allows me to be a more well rounded and more patient adult
I am not patient with myself
I dread my mother getting to a point where she can no longer take care of herself
I still wish my dad were around , he always had a way of making things better .. even at the worst of times..
The worst of times came when I lost my dad
Even more worst of times came when Steve battled cancer 6 months after dads death
The best of times came on our first road trip after Steve had cancer
The best of times came when Steve and I got married in November
The best of times are coming again as we go to Israel
Now will be the time to dust off and move in the right direction
This is my TRUTH LIST
Wish me well
Wish you well too

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


In that moment when you decide to make lifestyle changes and get yourself together.. the energy you possess is great... but then over time.. where energy turns to habit.. and habit turns mundane and something occurs that encourages you to slip a bit.. we find that getting back on and continuing forward becomes harder.. that energy you had at the beginning seems to have gone for some reason.. what reason ... ??? I really do not know.. I do know that it is hard to get it back though.. I have struggled with that... I believe I will get it back.. that our trip to Israel is just the motivation to put me in the place I need to be ... so I feel good because of that.. but prior to even knowing of this trip.. I realized that the cost of being Human was the acceptance that as perfect as I want to be... eating wise.. I will never be.. is that a cop out? no.. not at all.. it is the truth.. it is the cost of being human.. we are imperfect beings.. who strive to be as good and perfect as we can many many times... Not perfect in everything mind you.. but usually we pick something.. a weakness or something we want to change about ourselves.. and we try and try and try to be perfect.. and when we slip and that being perfect is challanged.. well.. finding our way back to that first inspiration sometimes is a hard road.. I think the important thing is to not lose what you have accomplished.. breath a minute and then work towards your goal again...
I am doing this by learning new things about myself... I found out.. one thing I really never realized about me recently.. I would say... buy a treat.. I would gobble the treat up.. and not save any for another day.. I think for me that stems from food always being taken away from me... and not being allowed to have treats openly but having to sneak them as a kid.. I think had I been taught normally.. then this would not have happened.. so I started working on things.. for example one day I bought a small package of vanilla wafers.. you know the mini box u can get at walgreens.. and I made that last for 2 days.. normally I would have eaten the whole box ( 3 servings) in one day... but I told me myself no one was going to take this.. I could enjoy it.. and I could let it last.. that was the first time I had ever done that.. I also started doing that with those Hershey 60 calorie chocolate sticks.. I will have one maybe once a week.. and its okay for the box to sit in the pantry.. no on will take it from me.. isn't that pathetic? that at 45 .. I have a hard time keeping treats in the house because of that fear.. that is almost illogical.. because I know I am buying something.. I know know no one will really take it from me.. yet I eat it as if someone is going to grab it right away... sometimes when we learn things about ourselves.. its a bit shocking.. I am trying really hard now to become more aware of how and why I eat.. I tried to brush all of that away during all of this changing but I realized, how am I going to change something when I don't really want to acknowledge it.. so I acknowledge that holding onto treats.. sweets.. is difficult for me. and learning that I can have a portion of something.. and that it will still be there tommorow is a nice thing.. okay I know to most of you this sounds so silly and weird.. it does to me too.. especially when I type it out.. but.. it is one of my many truths..
Which is a great segue into my post for Tommorow it will be titled Truths about me.. it will be in list form. it will be the good , the bad and the beautiful.. .. maybe we should each post a list.. what are those truths about ourselves that make us the way we are.. sometimes when you see those things you deem silly about yourself.. you realize how you came to be the way you are and then you can work on developing ways to change those things that concern you. just a thought...
Wish me well
Wish you well too

Monday, March 10, 2008

KNOCK KNOCK? GUESS WHO IS COMING FOR A VISIT.. ( followed by evil laugh)

So here is how it played out.. we went one of the Flea markets we like.. As we walked in the building portion.. there were a lot of spot lights set up.. we started walking up and down the aisles.. much to my chagrin I started losing my peripheral vision in my left eye.. well this was a bit bizzare if I covered my right eye the left eye would focus fine.. but if I used both eyes together thats when the problem would occur.. then the swiggly lines started.. why I was being visited by MS. MIGRAINE loud and proud in the middle of Wilsonville, Al. at a Flea Market.. we left and stopped at a C store and picked up a small Coke and advil .. I do not like regular Coke at all.. but I had heard that this really helps with a migrane not only to reduce an upset stomach but it can aid in the actual pain because of the quick caffiene shot.. sooo I drank a small one.. sipped on it.. took the advil.. we got home and and I rested on the sofa for a while.. then we proceeded with the rest of the day .. I was not going to let that little bitch ruin my day .. I still feel washed out.. but hopefully before we leave on Saturday I will be back to plain old me.. the only thing I can figure that set this off was the spot lights at the Flea Market.. I was feeling fine until then. I think the stress I have been under too lately has played a role as well.. .. I still feel pretty pooped too.. oh well.. on a happier note ..
My report at the doctors was good.. everything was good.. got a blood panel done and will hear about that this week.. My doc still wants me to think about going on the optifast program.. just not sure I want to do that or not.. I like eating healthy and exercising and when I do those simple yet complicated (for whatever reason) 2 things I lose weight.. oh well.. hopefully after this trip .. I will be far more motivated than I have been lately.. I really think that will happen too.. It will be nice to be outside and among people and not sitting in my stuffy office... looking forward to this big time!!
Well all is well otherwise here..
Wish me well
Wish you well too

Friday, March 7, 2008

IT'S FRIDAY .. we may get SNOW tonight.. freaky weather. but good food..

Please be sure and hop on over to my blog about Israel ANOTHER GREAT ADVENTURE I posted yesterday after the latest terrorist attack there.
At the end of my Healthy Honi blog recently I mentioned Flaxseed.. please be sure and read that loaded with info article... there are no miracle anythings out there.. but there are certain foods which can help us along the way .. check it out..
A great way to start any day is by eating a healthy filling breakfast.. come on now its true.. and yes you can make time to do this...
Here are some tips :
keep 100 cal english muffins in the house
keep some PB2 in the house
hard boil a few eggs and keep them handy in the fridge..You can have a hard boiled egg in the morning on the go for breakfast...
You can take the 100 cal english muffin, mix up your PB2 spread that on the english muffin and you have a breakfast under 200 calories...
Packets of weight control oatmeal are great..
Make real oatmeal on Sunday .. enough to eat off off during the week... pop some in a bowl .. nuke it.. and instant oatmeal breakfast.. think of the topings you can add.. a little regular fiber one cereal, a little mix of fruit and nuts.. an little flaxseed.. chopped fresh fruit..
Bananas and apples are quick on the good choices..
I would pair a 100 calorie yogurt of choice with that as well though..

Here is an article from SparkPeople regarding Breakfast
Lunchs are still my quandary and I am always looking for new things to do aside from frozen meals.. I prefer salads at night time.. I like a warm lunch usually...
Here is a interesting Vegetarian site ..
I have also developed a fondest for the Morningstar Ginger Teriyaki veggie patties.. they are really good and at 110 calories make an easy light lunch or a side with dinner... or even a snack if you are so inclined.
Well I am off to the doctor..
Have a great weekend..
like the title says we might get snow late tonight and tomorrow morning..
Wish me well
wish you well too

Thursday, March 6, 2008


I ran errands earlier today .. and decided to stop at Walmart to purchase some things for our upcoming trip.. I bought 2 pair of jeans.. When I buy clothes .. it is fitting hell.. The 18 W are too big even if they are shorts.. the 16 W fit just right only they did not have any shorts so I had to buy medium.. WE are talking stride and length .. not shorts as in well.. SHORTS.. YOU will never find me in shorts.. I look.. uhmmm SHORT in SHORTS lol... so I ended up getting 2 pair of Rider Jeans boot cut medium length 16W.. I could fit into the 18 regular but there just was not enough hitch for my get along.. if ya know what I other words though they fit.. there was a little peekybutt going on... and I hate that.. I like classic cut relaxed fit short jeans in a 16W.. GOT ANY OF THOSE for me?? well.. say what you will about Walmart.. but that sweet lady at the dressing area is really nice.. Walmart might be some cheap shopping but for some reason those RIDER jeans always fit me.. even if they well are a little long.. I never can find them in a short unless its a larger size.. okay enough short talking...
Whats going on in the world of HONI....nothng much just getting ready for the trip.. dealing with a bit of anxiety too.... Am going to the doctor tomorrow afternoon..... kinda down about that because I know I have gained a little nothing traumatic but I am about 187.. so thats okay but not where I want to be.. another reason this trip is so important to me.. One of my girlfriends who was bigger than me.. went to Israel and lost 30 pound in 3 weeks.. now part of that time she did get sick but part of it was because they walked a lot and what they ate was healthy.. she was a teen then.. but she said even the last time when she went she lost.. so I am hoping that this will be the kick in the pants I need.. I am hoping that I will get My Swing going you know.. Motivated .. all I will have to deal with is walking, touring, perhaps snorkeling.. reading.. walking... eating... walking.. reading.. touring.. smelling, seeing, touching, sleeping, moving.. hearing...walking.. touring.. breathing... reading.. a little PSP ( PLAY STATION PORTABLE) and some IPOD time too.. oh and WRITING in my notebook.. nothing like some old fashioned writing ... I still can not believe we are actually doing this.. We have talked about this for years.. and now its happening.. of course we talked about getting married for years too.. and that happened.. so why shouldn't this happen too.???. .. Well as I was orginally saying... I go to the Doctor tomorrow.. I am going to tell him where I am at.. with this anxiety, itchy skin and dry skin and nervous feeling.. I am going to tell him about the mom situation and tell him I know only I can control my feelings... and sometimes like Sunday I totally just go the wrong way.. I am going to invite mom to spend the night saturday night and then have breakfast with us Sunday .. we will not serve DANISH! .. we will have a nice healthy breakfast.. then mom can go on about her business..
I am really trying to maintain control.. I dont want to see 200 pounds ever again.. and I am scared that I will lose control again.. so there .. that is said.. I am not near 200 pounds so that is good.. but I am worried.. I am in a precarious place right now.. I can feel it.. I am in a weird place.. you know it.. like I do .. there are 2 places..... the infamous FuckItville located in the heart of IDon'tGiveADamn which is right by IfYouTouchMyFoodOneMoreTimeIWillForkYourFingersOff... county... it is not a pretty place.. it is where the food is not healthy, it where you don't have control, it is where you feel miserable and you feel worse than a failure.. it is where no one cares.. and the worst part is well.. you don't care .. and the shame you feel becomes tighter and more binding than any girdle or bra you could ever imagine.. it is not a plesant place..
On the other hand... ICare Village is the better place, there is no limit as to what you can achieve there.. lets see.. it is near.. IAmWorthThisStruggle Corners... and there you will find lots of faith.. lots of honesty and lots of friends who matter and care about you.. and the most amazing thing .. even when your faith in yourself is wobbley these friends across the miles.. they stand right by you.. even if its miles away and its electronically.. they are there.. cheering you on.. and helping you wipe the dust of your clothes when you trip .. their belief in you gives you the ability to find belief in yourself.. I do not want to go back to what I was.. each pound each ounce I let go of sets me more free to be the person I really want to know.. the one that is more physcially able the one who might not have as much chronic pain.. she is the woman I want to know... and though she seems far away right now.. thats okay.. because in ICare Village.. it is a safe place to be.. and pull your thoughts together.. and map a new destiny.. and a new beginning.. you can always start over in ICare.. its far prettier than FuckIttville...
I will avoid that trip.. at all costs...

FLAXSEED great article on Flaxseed we have been adding it to our salads.. in the whole form.. but we might start grinding it.. I will tell you that whole .. seems to be very good for you... read about it! ...
Anyhow.. thats it for a sunny day followed by a rainy day , followed by possible snow flurries on Saturday in Birmingham ALabama ..
Wish me well
Wish you well too!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008


Found an interesting website called BRANDAID I think I might have mentioned it in my last post... its a really interesting link and one that helps us really understand what those labels are really saying.. what you are buying for yourself and your children. It is a good guide. You would think what you see is what you get but more often than not.. you are getting far more than what you see and usually it is not too good ..
More info on our dining adventures soon to be in Israel there are some things that interest me .. and something that make me say I don' t think so.. for example this interests me.. Machaneh Yehudah this is menu makes me say .. uhm no... yeah its gourmet I get that.. but.. there is a lot there I can simply say .. err.. NO .. I wonder if that means I am just too Southern? I like to try new things.. truthfully I do .. however.. when spleen and marrow are in the same sentence.. I tend to .. well.. not be so interested had you said.. roasted lamb and eggplant.. MINUS ANY MARROW SAUCE that might have gotten my couriousity up.. maybe... get the picture.... well I am sure it will be a culinary adventure thats for sure.. however on that note.. here are some menus I found from Israel...
They have Chinese this place is called HAYIM HASINI
Well it is getting colder here by the minute.. we might even have snow .. after 75 degree weather yesterday .. we had some storms last night and it was warm this morning.. now its blustery and gray .. here in good old Birmingham , Alabama
Wish me well
wish you well too

Monday, March 3, 2008


I discovered something about myself yesterday I did not like.. we had mom over for brunch yesterday.. I love my mom but she is a difficult person... if you had been sitting at our table yesterday .. you would not have noticed it if you did not know her well. Even Steve said to me after she left.. 'boy your mom was abusive today" followed by "I think she is depressed" My mother has a way of saying things that to the normal ear sound harmless but when you really listen it makes your stomach churn.. yesterday during one of these moments.. I was at the island in the kitchen cleaning up from brunch.. and I walked over to the danish cake we had out and cut myself a slice.. then another.. then another.. at 3 different times.. and as I type this.. I was not aware i was doing this until it was all done and eaten.. I was so dissapointed in myself.. I had not done this type of behavior for well over a year.. and here I was letting the stress. of the day .. guide me.. I had had 3 small pieces of french toast.. a good helping of fruit and nuts.. and choc soy milk as well which I ended up not drinking... but for some reason the more irritated I got the quieter I got .. and the more I ate.. I went in the other room.. I dont purge.. what happens to me when I eat food that I have not had in a while I get very bad stomach issues.. its like my body can not digest the fat.. so i get an upset stomach followed by a you better be in the bathroom moment.. I remember her yelling for me when I was in the bathroom.. and I was so angry.. anger I could feel.. anger I could taste.. .I was in the bathroom leave me the fuck alone.. that is what i was thinking.. of course she was leaving and she wanted me to know.. that.. naturally she left something.. this time it was her sun glasses.. I never finished going to bathroom .. I ran out after her to give her her sun glasses.. had I not done that .. I am sure I would have allowed myself to be guilted in to bringing them to her she lives nearly 30 minutes away.. ( and with gases prices today thats a schlep) .. so the problem lies with me.. how do I stop these old patterns of self destruction from coming back.. What I am so desperately hoping is that my trip to Israel will be the SWING in my get along.. Do you know what I mean.. it will be the SWING that helps me getting control of my eating.. again.. and I will be doing a TON of walking.. so that should be good too.. I HOPE..
I am going to the gym tonight.. as the weather will be bad late tonight and tomorrow.. ( YES DIANA I HAVE MY IPOD WORKING YAY) I am still twisted on the inside.. nervous.. I dont call mom as often as I should.. I dont want to hear what the latest problem is.. there is so much tied into this relationship with her.. so much I thought I had let go of.. She is who she is.. and I do not begrudge that.. Mom is a good person albeit a demanding person. I guess I have a hard time relating to how she feels.. her whole world fell apart over 6 years ago when my dad was killed in the car accident which she was also a victim of. I know she still deals with all of that today.. She has yet to find her way.. and unless she is busy all of the time.. then when she has down time she does not know what to do with her herself.. for example she took computer classes, this is her 3rd time taking classes.. does she practice... it is very doubtful... my aunts took the class with her.. and one of them said she was so demanding in that class.. I felt.. well guilty when my aunt said that to me.. it is stuff I hear all the time... how my dad spoiled mom.. etc.. things I deal with all the time.. things I let eat away at me.. and rather than deal with it.. I .. I eat it away.. and I had stopped that last year.. and now I see myself doing the same bad habit again... my mom will be 75 she is a young 75.. thin.. attractive.. she could be doing so much ... volunteering.. helping others.. but she chooses not too.. my mom will need me one day .. need me very much.. and I dont want to be a resentful daughter.. and parts of me feel very resentful.... yes I have two siblings who live out of state and are no help .. truth be told they have their issues... so it all comes back to me.. How do I stay healthy.. both mentally and physically... ? I think this break in return coming up in two weeks .. this trip to Israel will be my Swing... I can analyze this to death.. I know.. all I want is my SWING.. my SWING back into a good place.. which allows me to continue onwards.. downwards... thats my hope..
Wish me well
wish you well too..