Monday, April 30, 2007

TA DA !!!!!!

WEIGHT: 190.25


If someone were to give me one wish right now.. I would love to know what it means to be beautiful... now I know that that is pretty shallow.. but just for a minute I would love to know what that feels like.. would I still feel like me.. or would feel differently... would I be more confident? Would the world be more forgiving of my inadequecies.. ? How would people treat me? How would the world see me? If my outside were flawless.. If my weight was perfect.. If my clothes were high end??? If I wore jewelry... and carried myself with the knowledge that I am beautiful.. how different would my world be? Would I be married already... would I have children??? Would I be more socially acceptable.. if G-d or Genes had dealt me the beauty card? now I know what you are thinking??? we are all beautiful.. but you also know exactly what I mean... Beauty.. that is not worked for... Beauty that turns heads... Beauty that is not store bought... Beauty that I would have been born with .. Beauty not taught... How different would my life be? I am not being mean to myself when I ask this question.. It is simply a question... Sometimes.. I wonder.. what a perfect body ... my concept of a perfect body... what would that feel like... but the reality is .. is that I am just uniquely me... all four feet 11 inches.. me... We all possess beauty... maybe not typical beauty... but each of us.. holds that ... I just wonder sometimes... if everything had been lined up in my life and led by being beautiful..... would I be anymore happier than I am now...?? I do not think.. that beauty holds all the answers.. I do think it can make inroads in certain facets of life... We the visual.. We the perfectionists.. We the ones always trying to change... yet never changing the right things...
I do not look for eternal youth... I just want better health... a better me... The best me... that I can create.. and recreate and create again... For the truth seems to be.. that wrapped up in all of these changes.. is the reality that change means movement.. Maybe that is beauty.. the freedom you can allow yourself to change... as life moves on...
Wish me well..
Wish you well too
Posting Stats tonite..

Saturday, April 28, 2007


GEE ,everyone thanks so much for those great and helpful and encouraging comments to my last post... I am so glad to be home.. the alarm clock did not go off at 230 am this morning we ended up leaving for Nashville at 5:00 am.. which actually turned out to be a good thing... Right before we left Steve made Egg sandwiches .. normally I love them... I could not eat that early so I ate one piece of toast... we hit the road.. with a cooler packed with Fat Free baloney and cheese sandwiches.. fresh fruit and 2 fiber 1 bars and rice cakes... so we had plenty to nosh on... We got to Nashville around 830 or so. It was a good ride there.. we drove in the car... here is a pic of the morning sunrise...IT was so nice out early in the morning..

. Then next picture is a shot of the race and the last picture is a shot of Me, Sara you can click on the FLICKR link in the sidebar to see more pictures .. As fate would have it at first we were at the FULL MARATHON finish line..that is what this picture is... Turns out we needed to be at the HALF MARATHON finish line.. OOOPS.. we never found that but found a place in the Half Marathon shoot.. to wait for Sara to finish the race.. and wait we did.. for about an hour or so... it was getting pretty humid there.. so hence the fluffy Honi hair..
I like her warming blanket is covering part of me.. so it actually makes me look better than I do lol.. and dont ya just love the PORT -o-LET back drop .. lol... It was a fun day.. We left Sara and her friends .. found the car and ate our lunch we brought from home... that was a good idea... We got back to Alabama ohhh.. around 330 in the afternoon.. around 5 I decided to wash My car.. and with Steve's help got it nice and clean... Then.. we hoped on the motorcycle and had dinner at WHOLE FOODs... I had a little Thai Tofu .. Crunchy green beans, a little orzo.. a little slaw... Steamed Squash and Carrots.... Steve got some Fried Chicken , Baked Beans, Crunchy Green beans and helped finished my dinner too... I LOVE THAT PLACE.. I love to go pick up a few specialty items and I love having dinner there. It is so easy .. and yummy.. If you choose not to eat healthy .. and even this is healthier than others I have seen.. U can get BBQ.. Mac and Cheese.. and all kinds of other Comfort food... or u can opt for a Salad of your own creation.. Great fun choices there..I am so glad I did not have to go through the Italian Dining experience yet.. I know me.. and that just would have been too hard right now.. ... All and all it was a fun Saturday.. tommorow we are getting up and making real oatmeal and then going to Attala to the MTN TOP flea market to puppy hunt and plant hunt.. probably will just bring some plants home.. . Again thanks for all of your sweet comments.. Tommorow after Mtn. Top Flea.. I am going to do laundry ( WHOOOPDEEDOO) then treat myself to a manicure.... and go pick up that Darn book I ordered... Secrets of the LEAN PLATE CLUB>.. Will post a review of the book as soon as I read it.. Coco ( already got it so I can not wait to hear what she has to say about it... .. ohh and if you really want a great read in blogging.. PLEASE check out Steve's Daughter's blog.. this is his Daughter Stephanie who is in Burkina Faso West Africa... She is in the peace corp and just is doing some amazing things there... both of these blogs are in my side bar as well...
Well thats about it for tonite..
Wish me well..
Wish you well too.
Weigh day is Monday!!!

Friday, April 27, 2007


WOW .. I was a bit humbled this morning and felt badly.. Steve mentioned to me that sometimes I am a bit hostile to folks. Not that I am overtly mean or anything but that when they mention going to a certain restaurant I tend to get a little stiff.. Usually the place would be somewhere that my choices are limited . While everyone sits there and eats whatever they want I have to calculate and figure out things... and really search the menu.. well to me that is not a fun dining experience .. while I may enjoy the company.. I did not enjoy being stressed out because the only thing I was able to choose was a plain salad.. because everything else was cooked in fat or fried... but I am suppose to be a trooper I guess and just roll with things...He said I need to understand that lots of folks are not trying to do anything about their weight and that I might make them feel bad because I am . He also said something that really struck a nerve.. He said.. and perhaps they do not BELIEVE in you.. after all.. how many times have you tried to lose weight and not succeeded??? how many times have people seen you monitoring yourself.. and nothing comes of it???? ouch.. that still stings.. and he is right.. that is the truth.. Why should anyone believe in me... Lets call it what it is... At the new place I am going no one knows what I did.. everyone is NEW so they are all on my side.. and happy for me.. You guys out there that read this.. You do not know me.. or how many failures I have had.. so of course you cheer me on... but the ones that KNOW KNOW me.. well.. Steve is right.. why on earth should they believe in me... I then asked him if he believed in me.. ??? and he said YES.. because he is seeing the results.. he sees the changes.. and my determination... I told him. that this is not easy that this is a struggle.. and I am only 3 months into this.. so I am not comfortable in all eating situations yet. A lot I choose to avoid for now. There are places to eat that I feel really comfortable in ..Subway, Whole Foods Bistro area... a couple of Asian places... I still obviously have a very long way to go in making these ever changing changes.. I guess that is what I have to remember that my lifestyle changes will be about adapting myself to all situations not just those I am comfortable with.

Wish me well
Wish you well too...

Thursday, April 26, 2007


ahhh Thursday.... almost Friday .. yay... so my day started.. it was rainy rainy rainy out... I pull out of the sub division.. and all of the sudden as I acelerate I hear THWACK THWACK THWACK coming from the back of my car.. so I am thinking FLAT TIRE.. I pull over get out.. and look at my tires.. under my car and can not see anything.. by then I am worried.. I call Steve and he says come home.. so I turn around and drive very slowly home.. He gets in the car.. the carTHANKFULLY makes the same sound.... LOOOOONG story short... when it rains where we live.. since there is still new construction going on... a lot of times things wash off the hillside.. and come down the road.. in a mud flood.. I went through that mud flood on my way out.. and apparently a small rodent or bug plastic glue trap adhered to my right back tire and flipped inside the tire.. it was a mess..but at least no wheel bearings or belts need to be repaired or replaced yay... that is how my day started.. At lunch I went to Target.. and got some carrots.. I love sweet baby carrots... some sushi.. and my latest discovery courtsey of my nutritionist... FIBER one BARS.. they are 140 calories and 9 grams of FIBER... and BOY both flavors are yummalishous... What else is going on for me.. nothing much... Still trying to decide on a wedding date.. and hopefully we will do that soon... Again I appreciate everyones response to my big email about motivation.. those responses were awesome.. I love learning what motivates people to eat healthy or exercise... VERY VERY GOOD advice.. more often than not .. I read.. JUST DO IT.. and PLAN PLAN PLAN... good advice... for better health...



I made this last nite...

Put rice ( decide on amount by people u are serving.. ) BROWN OR WHITE on to boil
Chop up.., fresh regular carrots
chop up one onion ( VIDALIA)
Chop up one pepper.. (ORANGE OR RED OR YELLOW preferably)
Chop up a head of Brocoli florets
Rinse off a small container of Baby bella mushrooms sliced
1 Tablespoon minced garlic ( REAL OR JARRED NOT DRY)
use Light SOY SAUCE, or Ginger Sesame Teryaki or Stir fry sauce.. reduced sodium kind..
1 container of pre cooked TOFU ORIENTAL FLAVOR.. ( i found mine at WHOLE FOODS.. they have about 3 precooked varieties..was in section near dairy)

Take skillet pour one round.. ( take olive oil and outline pan bottom lightly) in bottom of pan
warm oil.. add veggies.. stir to distribute oil.. sprinkle a little garlic salt in... stir stir stir.. add a little of either LIGHT SOY sauce or any other Oriental sauce of your choosing. stir to distribute sauce...
CHOP up ToFU.. and add to Veggies.. mix well.. add a little more of favored sauce..

Serve over 1/2 cup of rice of your choosing.. GREAT DINNER well recieved...

Pasta with Marinara sauce and Grilled Veggies

Dietitian's tip: Try this recipe as an alternative to spaghetti and meatballs. With the homemade marinara sauce and chopped grilled vegetables, you cut the calories in half and reduce the fat by three-fourths.
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
10 large fresh tomatoes, peeled and diced
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon minced garlic
2 tablespoons chopped onion
1 tablespoon chopped fresh basil or 1 teaspoon dried basil
1 teaspoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1/8 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
2 red peppers, sliced into chunks
1 yellow summer squash, sliced lengthwise
1 zucchini, sliced lengthwise
1 sweet onion, sliced into 1/4-inch-wide rounds
8 ounces whole-wheat spaghetti

To make the marinara sauce, in a heavy skillet, heat 1 tablespoon of the olive oil over medium-high heat. Add tomatoes, salt, garlic, chopped onions, basil, sugar, oregano and black pepper. Simmer uncovered until the sauce thickens, about 30 minutes.
Prepare a hot fire in a charcoal grill or heat a gas grill or broiler (grill). Away from the heat source, lightly coat the grill rack or broiler pan with cooking spray. Position the cooking rack 4 to 6 inches from the heat source.
Brush the red peppers, squash, zucchini and sweet onion with the remaining olive oil. Place the vegetables on the grill rack or broiler pan. Grill or broil, turning as needed, until the vegetables are tender, about 5 to 8 minutes. Transfer the vegetables to a bowl and set aside.
Fill a large pot 3/4 full with water and bring to a boil. Add the pasta and cook until al dente (tender), about 10 to 12 minutes, or according to package directions. Drain the pasta thoroughly.
Divide the pasta evenly among individual plates. Top with the marinara sauce and grilled vegetables. Serve immediately.

Nutritional Analysis(per serving)
Monounsaturated fat
4 g
8 g
0 mg
46 g
380 mg
Total fat
6 g
4 g
Saturated fat


Wednesday, April 25, 2007


Recipe: Sweet carrots
Dietitian's tip: Carrots — an excellent source of beta carotene — keep well for up to two weeks if they're refrigerated, unwashed and in plastic bags. If you bought them with their green tops still attached, trim off the greens before storing or else they'll deplete moisture from the roots.


1/2 cup water
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 cups shredded carrots
1 teaspoon trans-free margarine
Sugar substitute, to taste
1 teaspoon lemon juice
4 tablespoons fresh parsley, chopped
In a small saucepan, bring the water to a boil. Add the salt and shredded carrots. Cover and cook until water is evaporated, about 5 minutes. Remove carrots from the heat. Stir in the margarine, sugar substitute, lemon juice and parsley. Serve immediately

Nutritional Analysis(per serving)

Serving size: 1/2 cup
0 mg
1 g
167 mg
6 g
2 g
Total fat
1.5 g
251 mg
Saturated fat
21 mg
Monounsaturated fat
0.5 g

By Mayo Clinic Staff

Recipe: Hummus

Dietitian's tip: Serve this easy Mediterranean spread with warmed whole-wheat pita bread. For a different taste you can substitute white, butter or lima beans for garbanzos and 1 teaspoon toasted ground cumin seeds for the paprika.


2 cans (16 ounces each) reduced-sodium garbanzos, rinsed and drained except for 1/4 cup liquid
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1/4 cup lemon juice
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/4 teaspoon cracked black pepper
1/4 teaspoon paprika
3 tablespoons tahini (sesame paste)
2 tablespoons chopped Italian flat-leaf parsley
In a blender or food processor, add the garbanzos. Process to puree. Combine the olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, pepper, paprika, tahini and parsley. Blend well. Add the reserved liquid, 1 tablespoon at a time until the mixture has the consistency of a thick spread. Serve immediately or cover and refrigerate until ready to serve

Nutritional Analysis(per serving)
Serving size: 2 tablespoons
0 mg
2 g
106 mg
6 g
2 g
Total fat
2 g
15 mg
Saturated fat
< 1 g
15 mg
Monounsaturated fat
1 g


Recipe: Crispy potato skins

Dietitian's tip: You can use any number of herbs or spices to season the potato skins. Try fresh basil, chives, dill, garlic, cayenne pepper, caraway seed, tarragon or thyme.


2 medium russet potatoes
Butter-flavored cooking spray
1 tablespoon minced fresh rosemary
1/8 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Preheat the oven to 375 F.
Wash the potatoes and pierce with a fork. Place in the oven and bake until the skins are crisp, about 1 hour.
Carefully — potatoes will be very hot — cut the potatoes in half and scoop out the pulp, leaving about 1/8 inch of the potato flesh attached to the skin. Save the pulp for another use.
Spray the inside of each potato skin with butter-flavored cooking spray. Press in the rosemary and pepper. Return the skins to the oven for 5 to 10 minutes. Serve immediately

Nutritional Analysis(per serving)
Serving size: 2 potato skin halves
0 mg
2 g
12 mg
27 g
4 g
Total fat
0 g
332 mg
Saturated fat
0 g
20 mg
Monounsaturated fat
0 g

Random Thoughts

It is getting closer to the weekend.. We are still going to Nashville.. but the good news is we are only going overnight so.. it looks like I will not have to deal with going out to dinner Sat nite YAY.. and if we eat out on the way home, it will be a subway or something I can do easily... YAY.. this makes me happy... I am glad to be home on Sunday we can go to Attala to the big Flea Market and look for plants for the yard..and puppies.. I love looking at puppies.. We will take Cookie ( look in sidebar for her picture) and let her nose around the puppies.. I am looking forward to that..
You know I am a firm believer that attitude is everything.. I have such a hard time relating to to bad attitudes... To me it has always been you catch more bees with honey.. so.. this HONI is very kind.. and treats those around her as respectfully as she can... I guess sometimes I automatically expect that back.. and when that is not the case .. well I Have a hard time understanding that.. I had one of those people call my office today.. and was so happy when the conversation was over...

Attitude applies to our success too.. If we believe we can succeed then we can.. no matter what road blocks come our way... Attitude helps us realize that we are not the sum of our pounds but more than that ..

All I really want is good health .. and as I shed these pounds I find that my health seems to get better and stronger...
Stronger is good.. better health is good too..
Wish me well
Wish you well too...

Monday, April 23, 2007


Sooner or Later it had to happen. The moment when you get on the scale.. feeling good.. pretty convinced you had lost and then WHAM!! the scale goes the wrong way.. I was 191.75 last Monday and this Monday I am 192.25 A half of a pound gain. I know I ate very well this weekend.. and I guess I get frustrated because if I had indulged in what everyone else was indulgeing in.. I would have had an excuse.. I could so ..that is why I gained.. I got on the scale this morning.. and I was 188.4 and tonite I was at that 192.25.. Geez....Last Monday in the morning I was 189.8 and in the evening 191.75 .. I know the scale is not the end all be all.. but to me.. when I weigh it is like someone cheering me on.. its validation that I am doing the right thing for the right reasons. It helps keep me sane while I battle the good battle.. I keep thinking my hunger monsters will just move away from me... but they stick around jabbing me in the side from time to time.. just to let me know they are alive.. and waiting... Granted they are far more quiet than they used to be.. but they linger.. I like to weigh to keep the monsters at bay too. Now this coming weekend I have another crazy weekend.. we are going out of town to Nashville.. and I will have to plan plan plan... IF someone ever says to me.. well you can always eat salad I swear I am gonna give them a pop on the back of the head... I do not want to live my life based on what place to eat has what salad.. I want to have a nice meal in moderation.. so since I know that Sat nite we are eating Italian.. I will have a side order of pasta with pamadoro sauce.. and a small salad.. and if I want I might have a bite or two of what Steve has .. and a bite or two of their bread.. Italian is hard for me to do.. but I will survive.. and be fine and God willing the scale will go back in my favor.. The fact I must remember is that these lifestyle changes are not with a limit.. they are limitless.. ever changing as I get in new situations.. and as time goes on. I have win.. there simply is no other way for me. I have to win for myself.. in this battle I have with myself since I was 10.. and my mother and the pediatrician decided I would go on my first diet.. I lost 20 pounds.. and then the world spiraled out of control.. as life became defined by my fat.. I think at 44 years old.. 34 years later .. it is time for me to be in charge... Time for me to define myself by the person I am not the pounds I weigh... The scale is a good monitor.. but so are clothes that I can wear now .. that I have not worn in 5 years... SO something good is going on.. I know that..
Starting: 211.5
Current: 192.25
Feeling: Okay

Sunday, April 22, 2007


Dear Chocolate Creme Cake and Lemon cake with lemony icing...

I see you there on the counter... You have been downstairs in the freezer and were brought upstairs for company... Friday you winked at me.. you know.. I saw it.. you said to me.. just run your finger along the plastic dome of my shell and taste my sugary sweetness.. both of you .. but I did not give in... I saw you last night.. sitting there.. your moisture gleaming in the kitchen light.. saying EAT ME!!!.. me .. me.. I however looked at you and wondered if you would taste as good as I was thinking about.. after all.. you are not homemade.. after all you are nothing but transfat and Fat filled lard induced molecules that would cling to my fat cells just screaming I GOT YOU.. HA HA HA!!!.. I saw that in my head .. what you would really do to me.. and well then the taste for you sort of left.. I saw you this morning.. saying C'mon just one slice.. just a chunk of each of us.. no one is here.. IT is just you and us.. C'mon.. but I opted for a mixture of True friends: KASHI Good Friends, Vive and Lean Crunch.. cereal.. in fat free milk.. and now my body is full.. you still sit there on the counter.. saying look at me.. look at me when I walk by... I do not look... I might think about you... but there is no way you could possibly taste as good as I think.. with your oily after taste and your fakeness. You are just like the kids in grammar school faking me out .. pretending to be my friends.. in the long run.. killing me with your lies... clogging my ateries with your momentary temptation that does nothing for me.. My True friends.. give me fiber and vitamins.. and fill me up and make my bones stronger.. They tell me I can.. You tell me I can't.. I don't love you anymore.. I might admire you from a far.. and when you are home made with real ingredients.. I might taste you.. and indulge in your sweetness.. but only if you are real.. and only now and then.. Good bye.. buddy bars, honey buns, candy bars.. you are just the vipers that hang out with these others who said they were my friends.. Now I am left repairing the damage I allowed you to cause me.. All of you .. no more...

Hi .. You might wonder why I wrote the above... This weekend we have had friends in town... and we went to the motorcyle races.. and I used this time to watch people.. watch what other ate... From Funnel cakes.. to Corn dogs... and everything else in between.. and they did not care... All size folks.. all types of people.. all walks of life... I turned my head and watched another enjoy a container of yogurt.. and some fresh fruit... I smelled Italian food.. and watched another inhale some type of something I could not really see... I turned again and saw curly fries.. all early in the morning .. people eating these... I was prepared.. I had fresh fruit and a sandwich and all the things I enjoy... I particularly watched the large people... and the food consumed and consumed.. as the heat of the day wore on... I enjoyed the races.. mind you .. but I also thought about .. what we as a whole eat... As far as the obesity epedemic goes.. I do not think there is any changing it... We are just going to supersize ourselves into oblivon.. I think it all is about the individual... and what we want to do for ourselves. .. Thats the only way this works . I still think.. all things in moderation can work.. thats my plan once I reach my goal...
I survived the weekend.. my eating was pretty good... with the company around and going out to dinner.. but each time I planned.. last night was Chinese and I had brown rice and some tofu... tonite is Bahama Breeze.. and I am going to have a plain salad with dressing on the side... and eat some of whatever Steve gets... Next weekend we are going to be out of town.. I am nervous .. its the first time I have traveled since I started this change.. If we travel by car.. I am packing a cooler of things I can eat... Our friends.. well. they don't eat my way... so I am going to be prepared... For I am learning that the only way to succeed at this.. is PREPERATION... and PLANNING.. its like those emails that were sent to me said.. PLAN PLAN PLAN and surround yourself with a good support system... I will let you know how this progresses during the week... so far its all worked well... this is good..
Weigh in tomorrow night..
Wish me well.
Wish you well too..

Friday, April 20, 2007



Here are the questions:

1. What is your dream vacation? Obviously money and time are not an issue. To travel across the country via motorcycle and have the time to see everything.. Also I would love to visit Israel too.

2. What fictional character (movie, tv, book) would you most like to be? hmmm I have never really thought about that... I guess maybe Erica Kane from ALL MY CHILDREN .. LOL.. Money Men and Glamour lol...

3. What person from history would you most like to have a conversation with? Why? JFK because he inspired a nation to believe.

4. What one luxury item would you really want in your home? One of those wonderful showers that has all of those different shower heads and a steamer in it ...

5. Other than people (family, friends), what could you not live without? I hate to say this.. but my pc...

Here are the rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me." If I don't have your email address, leave it for me in the comments.2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. 4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Thursday, April 19, 2007


From the moment we are born we are motivated.. movivated to breath and eat... motivated to roll over, sit up , crawl and walk... somewhere along the way though motivation gets skewered... Some of us lose that motivation to move forward that we were born with . I wish I still had that. Now I have to create motivation.. I recieved many wonderful emails from family and friends who who responded to my email about motivation.... From those that just love me and want to see me succeed, to those that gave me scientific information.. to those that realized they had to stop damaging their bodies so they made advice regarding planning .. That email was very important and very accurate.. In order for me or anyone to be successful.. it requires a lot of hard work and planning... I think the hardest concept is realizing that the planning can not be just temporary. You know.. once the weight is off you can eat anything you want.. thats simply not the way this new reality we are creating works.. At Least for myself I will always have to have a plan.. that does not mean I can not indulge .. it just means I plan..... simple.. but complicated.. Some of the emails said.. that they have to force themselves to exercise.. that it does not come naturally.. but when they do work out they feel better..
( right now I am watching on the Internet the PBS special.. Fat: What No one is Telling You..)

The below is from a friend of mine....

I'm done with all my required classes, but when I saw a new class offered called Genetics of Fat Metabolism, I just had to take it and see what it was all about! Next week is our last class and I have learned an immense amount, but two themes keep re-emerging, and I wanted to share them with you:

1. The people who tend to have the most success maintaining a lifestyle of health are those that work with the bodies they were given and not against them, and those who tackle their goals as part of a program, so that there's accountability. It seems like you are doing both of those things the right way by getting involved in programs, and setting goals that are incorporated into your life, instead of a temporary part of it.

2. It's not fair for you to judge yourself, or feel ashamed or hopeless because of the way you look or feel. We assume all overweight people are overweight because they have bad eating habits, poor self control, or a sedentary lifestyle, but that's a lie. What's becoming more and more obvious is that some people can have ALL of those things and be thin (and unhealthy) and some people can have NONE of those things, work very hard, and still be overweight. Much about the way our bodies are shaped and the way we handle energy storage is decided for us long before we're old enough to make choices about food or lifestyle. You may feel discouraged from time to time, but you are doing a great job taking control and overcoming physical obstacles, and you should be nothing but proud of the strides you are making!

I have a very hard time feeling # 2.. you know.. I still have a hard time.. feeling pride..... This morning.. I went closet shopping.. I found 2 pair of jeans that fit now.. and a pair of Black Jean overalls ( i have them on now) that have not fit in YEARS!!! I would say atleast 5 years.. So I guess I should feel pride... I felt dissapointment because I tried on a jean skirt I loved... IT was NOT to small.. it was TOOO BIG... I was dissapointed because I wont get to wear it again.. BUT GUESS what... I can get a new one I will love better lol.. so thats good... It was fun closet shoping this morning... The smallest sizes in my closet are regular 16s and one 14... ONE DAY WILL BE a size 12.. WOW wouldnt that rock.. I started at a size 18-20W .....
It was an interesting read.. seeing what people felt a bout motivation... so i POSE that question to each of you... WHAT MAKES YOU MOTIVATED... do you wake up that way... do your struggle with it like I do.?? What keeps you motivated???
Please let me know... I need to understand .. I want to understand it. I want to complete what I have started and I know that if I had exercise of some type as a habit..then I will have better tools as I go along with this new life... A map would be great... I know I have write the way as I go.. but I have a feeling a lot of you out there have good ideas.. be it a website... a quote or just your feelings... Please let me know...
.. My motivation lacks when it comes to exercise... the eating end I have for the most part... I was suppose to start yesterday... but I got off work late and it threw everything off for me.. So I plan to start next week. We have company in town this weekend.. so I want to wait to pick a better date. We will be doing a lot of walking this weekend so that is good too.

Wish me well
Wish you well too

Wednesday, April 18, 2007


AHHH so it is Tuesday night and I get inspired to clean the glass top stove... I had cleaned the sink so my left hand was wet.... knowing that the glass stove top has to be cool to the touch to use the cleaner on... I sweep my hand across the glass top only to hear my and sizzle as a cross the left front burner... SOME ONE FORGOT TO TURN THE EYE OFF.. (no it was not red at the time.. that would have warned me lol) My first thought was not OH SHIT.. it was more like.. UH OH .. this can't be good... I ran over to the freshly COMETED sink and ran cold water over my entire palm of my left hand. Pain is a silly word... for there is no word to describe BURN PAIN... I tried cold compresses.. I soaked my hand in egg white.. ( come to find out I should have let the egg white dry on my hand.. I forgot that part)... I cursed my stupidity... Finally I wrapped my hand in a cool damp towel and set it over an ice pack.. ( I had been holding ice in my hand too.. and I read on the Internet that ice can make things worse when used directly... oh wellll..) anyhow... after a while.. Steve suggested I focus on the movie on the tube... ( THE BODY SNATCHERS the newer one) ... I started to do that and he reccomened i unwrap my hand and take it off of the ice pack and focus on the movie.. THE pain LIT UP.. but after a while things calmed down.. most of the burn is now left on the pads right under my middle and ring finger... So it makes it kinda hard to type.. I have a couple of pin point blister on the pad under my thumb near my wrist as well.. my fingers are fine for the most part.. its just those padded areas that hurt... but nothing like last night... Sizzling skin.. never a good sound...
I also wanted to comment on the VA TECH event... I have a fairly hard time as most people do coming to terms with this... and the huge question of why didn't anyone do something more proactive to prevent this seems to ring in my head.. However , I guess there really was not much more they could do than what they did do.. They knew he had issues.... I guess no one thought he would go this far... who knows .. hindsight really does not matter.. what matters is that these young people and these proffessors and other individuals that lost their lives are remembered... What a mix of generations ended 2 days ago.. from young adults just getting their bearings on life... to a man, a Holocaust Survivor who witnessed horrors far beyond what took his life. So much can be said about what this man did for his students.. sacrificing himself so that they may continue on.. focusing on them .. Them that are part of our future.. Words will be said about the others who helped those in need during this horrible time.. In a great time of tragedy .. heros emerged... as heros often do.
Steve was also touched by this... He spent many days and evenings there at football games and roaming the grounds with friends......when he was in college ..... He remember it as a beautiful peaceful campus. ...
We often wonder what motivates an Indvidual to take such drastic measures.. what goes through someone's mind... He leaves a note .. pointing out women and rich kids.. and he felt picked on etc... Sometimes to me this does not fly.. I was one of those kids too.. picked on... pushed off the school bus in Junior High... made fun of.. Embarassed in class the one year I attended the local high school when a boy pretended to ask me on a date in front of his friends for a good laugh... Searing memories stay with me... and over the years .. some of these tormentors.. have actually apologized... One can forgive but never forgets... memories are like that.
I never went after any one.. I never decided the world was the problem not me.. I just thought.. that this was the way things are... maybe one day they would get better and they did.. I was lucky enough to get out of that environment and go to boarding school.. Things changed.. so maybe my anger and hurt changed.. I dont know... I really tried to relate to that mentality of THEY Caused my problems.. THEY made me do this.. etc... and obviously I can not.. The only thing I see is the damage of.. this.. of Columbine.. as well.. which almost happened to the date of this event about 8 years ago I think... To those that lost someone in this massive tradgedy.. May God be with you and yours. To those of us who have never suffered such a horrible loss.. May God be with us too.
Wish me well
Wish you well too...

Tuesday, April 17, 2007


I am always looking for motivation.. I am going to send out a email to those who I know personally who are either on the road to fitness or are very much into fitness and nutrition. I am going to send this to folks who have always been thin and never battled weight... and folks who have battled weight.. I want answers and I want answers from those that I know.. who fight the fight.. I will post some of those answers here. For those of us who have succeeded to those who are like me and still on this search for what might work. I want to know what motivation is... START DATE FOR EXERCISING APRIL 18th 2007.
Steve said that when I start this exercise program I have to get out there and sweat sweat sweat.. that I can not approach this slow.. that I have to be agressive.. I know that if do that though I will fail.. For how many times have I done that before??? TOO MANY.. I have got to find the way this time... the right way.
Wish me well
Wish you well too.

Monday, April 16, 2007


START : 211.5

GOAL : 132

TODAY : 191.75

LOST : 19.75

feeling: GROOVY


Does that make me weird.?? I love making my PB2.. one day I discovered that .. well if celery tastes good with PB2 then why shouldn't Carrots... and thats how that habit came to be.. I love PB2 I bless the crew that invented that stuff daily...

SERVING :2 Tablespoons 54 calories 2.8 grams of fat per serving...SO GOOD YUM... am eating it now with my carrots.. So this morning .. I got on the scale as I do every monday morning... 189.8 .. So I am hoping for 192.00 tonite.. I HOPE... I will post official stats tonite.. I just want to hit the 20 pound mark soon..

I also love Multi grain Cinnamon Toast rice cakes and PB2.. I am in a sharing mood.. just sharing that thought with you...

I am also tired.. and nervous.. and have a squirmy tummy.. don't know why... I think it was with all the sick stuff this past weekend.. and I am hoping to get a wedding date confirmed by May 1 too. We are aiming for mid November... and maybe a honeymoon in May of 2008... BIKE TRIP.. (as in motorcycle here is the link to my other blog TWO WHEEL TALES I post to it when we ride ) Kind of a gap there.. but we are planning a big cross country trip... so We have to try and wait for the weather to be at its most agreeable..

Or is it my weight.. here is the bottom line.. YES I am losing.. but the one thing I can not get movtivated on is exercise.. I am limited.. I have 3 disk herniations in my back , a torn miniscus in the right knee and am prone to Tendonitis in the right foot... SOOOO I have to be careful.. and every time I try and do weight baring exercises.. I end up injuring myself sooner or later... HELP FOLKS.. what do I do.. Should I do what I did with the nutritional end of my program.. PICK a date and come hell or high water thats the date I introduce exercising into my life... Even if it is just swimming.. or walking.. simple things.. will be better than nothing.... ANY ADVICE is much appreciated... remember for me the goal is to not injure myself... and to make exercise a habit...

Thanks so much for all of your support and guidance as I welcome the new me into the world.. bit by bit..

Wish me well

Wish you well too

Stats to come tonite..

Sunday, April 15, 2007


Had a nice Sunday... I was a little confused at first.. was this April or November.. it was Freezing cold here... especially this morning.
We got up early and went to watch Steve's Son in a Iron man race.. Run Bike Run... is what they did...As we were on our way there.. we rode with the bicyclists we were in our car .. had to go about 10 miles an hour but it was such a treat to watch this amazing folks battle the frigid weather..watching these bodies evoke such power as they made there way through this competition. These folks were riding into the brisk wind and to just imagine the challenge they were in was something . I even saw a woman who was on the large side.. right in the midst of the race... just pumping away.. that was motivational.. As we waited for Steve's son to come down the finish shoot. I looked at all of the people around me.. and it dawned on me.. I was the biggest person... in the room.. I walked outside and saw that same observation too.. it was a rough feeling.. and very uncomfortable.. All around me were these tiny waists and long limbed people.. men and women.. lean.. perfectly fit bodies.. I watched all ages amble in.. I thought that was interesting but I could not let loose of that one particular feeling .. of being so large.. no one gave me the "look" or anything.. it was all me.. I kept asking myself were does such perfection come from.. what motivates these people to do this.. and then it occured to me.. I really am no different from them.. their's... is the short term race and the long term being fit. Mine is getting healthy.. I never say losing weight is a race.. but perhaps it is .. Sure I have time.. but the sooner the pounds slip away from me.. the healthier my race becomes... the better my body moves.. The reality is .. that no matter what I want to achieve I will never be 5 foot 6 with a tiny waist.. I am 4 ft 11 inches tall.. and by the grace of GOD and my strong will I will weigh 132 pounds.. I will reach that finish line.. I will be healthy and work my way to being as fit as I can. We are all different... Each of us in our own seperate way.. Yet we are all brothers and sisters as we find paths along this journey called life.. a Healthier life...
Wish me well
Wish you well too...

Saturday, April 14, 2007


You know that look your dog gives you when he or she can not figure something out.. that little head tilt thing..??? Yesterday that was me…
I left work early to take Steve to the doctor.. I was pretty sure he had food poisoning… He was not able to drive.. and lucky for us we thought to bring a garbage bag.. not 10 minutes into the drive .. did I have to pull over .. Steve vomited for about 5 to 10 minutes straight.. I had never seen anything like that in my life.. all I could do was say ohh no. oh no I am so sorry .. oh gosh.. what a moron I am sometimes.. I know I looked like one of my dogs with that expression.. uhhh.. wow.. you gonna keep doing that .. ( imagining if one of my dogs were watching him). Seriously.. its horrible watching someone ill and u can not do anything for them.... Once he did that he felt much better.. WE had pulled off into a very NICE sub division.. and parked in front of a house.. we were pretty sure Steve had grossed out the yard man down the street LOL.. it was bizarre.. I learned though that I don’t get queasy when Steve gets sick.. I was so proud.. We both commented on that as I continued driving him to the doctor.. AHHH it must be Love…
When we got there . they put him on IV fluids in the Doctors office.. he was not sure if Steve had a virus or just food poisoning.. We got home later that afternoon and Steve rested until he spiked a fever.. This morning he woke up and he was much better.. I have yet to get sick.. cross your fingers.. Otherwise all is well…
Wish me well
Wish you well too…

Thursday, April 12, 2007


I love stuff like this... this comes from ICE CREAM MAMA.. look in side bar for her blog..

What is your favorite word? LOVE

What is your least favorite word? HATE more the meaning than the word

What turns you on (creatively, spiritually or emotionally)? Riding on the back of the motorcyle just taking the world around me all in.. especially in the Mountains of NC, GA, TENN.

What turns you off? Thoughtlessness

What is your favorite curse word? FUCK .. its such a perfect word

What sound or noise do you love? Steve's laughter

What sound or noise do you hate? That bump bump rattle sound from the bass of souped up cars I hate that vibration sound... it should be OUTLAWED.

What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt? Owning my own restuarant

What profession would you not like to attempt? Being a Doctor .. I am squeemish

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? You did a good Job down there.


I read a preview of this book.. seems interesting I might invest in it.. Will keep you posted... I got the People Mag. with Valerie Bertinelli on the cover... SIZE 14 FAT????? WHAT THE FUCK??? sorry I try to stay away from colorful language most of the time.. but this really has gotten under my skin... they dress this woman in a white moomoo and they help make her look chunky... she is not FAT.. I perused the article .. I have not read it yet.. BUT PLEEEZEEEEE>. this is ridiculous.. I just hope some young person who is a SIZE 14 .. does not see this and think.. OH MY GOD I AM FAT.. Good grief... how could this magazine be so irresponsible... sheesh .. Oh well. I guess she has to be build her career back up some how.. might as well come out as a "fatty" erp.. (excuse me I just threw up in my mouth a bit) ...'kay .. Now then... what else can I tell you.. I need to go fill out my food log at otherwise .. I am finished ranting for the day..
Wish me well.
Wish you too..

Wednesday, April 11, 2007


I can't comment on your blog for some reason now.. I don't know where the comment section went .. regardless I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and you posted two AWESOME POSTS.. they are real.. and they make you think .. they make me think too...and it is good we are thinking.. and asking ourselves the big questions.. All of this will happen.. it is all about Change..... all these changes will happen as you are ready. as I am ready.. as anyone is ready... WE have the ability to make choices.. and that is totally what I am about.. CHOICES.. and they are hard.. and it is scary.. and sometimes we make the wrong choice.. but that is okay too.. It is all about one step at time.. I know exactly how you feel and so do many others out there... Give yourself time.. make a change each day.. and praise yourself constantly as you change.. YOU CAN DO IT...We can do it.. and I will be watching your blog carefully.. and PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO COMMENT ON YOUR BLOG AGAIN.. I have done it before I know.... and I promise I will have a new post up at TWO WHEELS ONLY soon.. waiting for a ride to come up.. and hopefully we will be on one some time in APRIL>..

Tuesday, April 10, 2007


This morning I watched part of the TODAY SHOW.. they had a segment on a documentary coming on PBS .. it scared me when it listed the statistics. I vowed to myself a long time ago.. I was tired of being an obese statistic. I want to succeed and whats more.. I want to help people.. After all, I have been a weight warrior for 44 years... from the second I popped out into this world to the very minute I am typing these words.. I know what it is like to be chunky, fat , large, obese, big, big boned, extra large, stout, and round etc etc... I know that when I achieve my goal I want to somehow help other adults and children.. I want to help them avoid all of this pain.. and shame and guilt.. and anger. and all the negatives that go with being overweight.. There really are no positives with being obese, face it... that is the truth unless you consider sore knees, not being able to achieve what you want to achieve, shortness of breath.. people staring at you.. a postive.. it is really not a positve .. I am not on a hunt to make everyone thin... I just want people to look at what they are doing..look at the choices they make.. and believe they have control.. WE are in control of our choices.. I will always believe that...
On the previews of this documentary .. to me it painted a bleak picture..yet it also painted a positive one.. and it was factual... and scary.. I dont like scary.. I read an interview with one of the producers and in the long run he basically said.. concentrate on getting healthy.. which I do agree with it.. but at the same time.. he was saying accept your size as you are.. maybe you just can not be smaller.. and I TOTALLY DISAGREE... However, the statistics are against each of us to be successful in this endevor. That is okay.. It will be a life long challenge.. no one ever told us this would be easy... I think obesity can be controlled by PROPER EDUCATION.. putting a physical fitness program in the schools that ALL!!! children no matter what size they are can participate in.. and feel good about and not feel self concious because they can not run as fast as whoever.. There are so many variables of obesity . FROM the Large teens going to fast food places with their thinner friends...I think they just want to be like their thinner friends.. eat like them .. be accepted by them and so forth.. they are not thinking.. oh man .. maybe I should not eat that.. they are thinking well.. my friend here eats it.. why cant I??? Or what about the adult who grew up "eating that way" and just really does not know.. Those are questions we have to help these young people answer. anybody answer... .Help them learn they are in control of their choices.. and by the grace of God teach them that they can have some things just not an abundance of everything....that eating can be fun.. and healthy.. and yes you can have some of the not so healthy stuff from time time.. MODERATION... a very good word..
IF we look at the world around us... Just look... DO you see and observe the way things are being packaged now..??? ORGANIC THIS ORGANIC THAT... face it baby .. an OREO is still an OREO no matter how organic they claim it to be... The advertising world.. really believes we are stupid.. and in a sense they are correct.... thats the real bottom line.. We want to believe what they .. tell us.. we want to believe that because it is organic... HEY it must be good for me....We are the only ones who can change that..what we want to believe .. what the truths are...... General Mills products may claim to be whole grains.. and perhaps in a way they are ... BUT COME NOW... LUCKY CHARMS IS STILL LUCKY CHARMS freeze dried marshmallows never will be good for you... even if they do change the color of the milk... nope just not good...... HAVE YOUR CEREAL.. I LOVE CEREAL >> BUT PAY ATTENTION>>>>look for High fiber in your cereal anything with 4 or more grams of fiber in a serving size.. is a good thing... The awesome thing.. it does not TASTE bad.. its actually very good.. there are several out there that are really good... My favs are Kashi VIVE.. its a great movie munchy cereal.. and I just sampled Good Friends.. it was very good.. and I think it is like 11 grams of fiber in a serving.. and Vive is about 12 or so... I think.. not sure off the top of my head.. but I do know that both cereals taste great and are high in fiber and good for you.. another one is GO LEAN CRUNCH ( not the regular go lean but GO LEAN CRUNCH) is super.. about 8 grams of fiber and i think 190 calories.. the VIVE cereal is about 170 calories for a cup and a quarter. I think the other servings are 1 cup size servings.... I always aim for 8 or more grams of fiber. Fiber helps fill you up... thats a good thing too.THere are some great positive choices out there try them...

Obesity is a disability.. it is a disability of the spirit and physical self.. I bet I am making some people mad.. thats okay.. I am not saying Fat people are bad hellooo I am one.... .. I am saying our size creates problems for us.. from embarrassment to pain....Here is something else that I have never heard said about us large folks.. I have seen it though time and time again... THERE ARE SOME BEAUTIFUL LARGE SIZE WOMEN OuT There and some Handsome large size men......and when these women and men lose weight and make certain life changes.. they become even more beautiful.. I am not talking about models.. I am talking about YOU !!!!! whoever you are reading this... Lets be vain for a second... when you are smaller... most of us..look better... and its not just the weight .. its as if we have some kind of aura around us.. I have seen this... I have seen women and men...who have lost weight and they .. have this glow.. Do you know what it is.... ??? I do.. its is simply called.. better HEALTH!!... they look healthier.. they are for the most part healthier...
It is fantastic to be able to accept your self at whatever size.. and yes you might be fairly healthy at a large size.. but I can almost guarentee you that somewhere along your lifespan something will happen to you that is weight related... that can prevented... these are the things I believe that need to be looked at.... and somehow I want to help .. do something to change all of that..too.... It is my deepest wish that each of us reach and maintain our goals... so that we can watch our children grow up.. so that we can participate MORE in life instead of watching from the sidelines .. when we get tired or achey.. or whatever... Hearing statistics makes me sad...
Lets not be statistics..
Lets just be winners
Wish me well
Wish you well too.

Monday, April 9, 2007


HONI's WORLD... no weight loss this week..
thats okay... I am okay with it..
Goals for this week are more water and some walking...
Wish me well,
Wish you well too...


All was lovely yesterday.. the meal was great and it was just a super time.
Will post this evening after weigh in... Kinda nervous about this weigh in with the double holiday week.. and finishing up all the meds.. and a few other assorted odds and ends interfering with the rythm of things.. sooo until this evening...
PLEASE wish me well...

Wish you well too..

Saturday, April 7, 2007


This Sunday we go over to his Steve's son's home to celebrate Easter, they are having an Easter Dinner as well.. Now here are the issues...Now as you know Monday was Passover and I did a great job with that. now at the end of the week and the Day before my weigh in I am facing this issue.. FOOD GALORE on SUNDAY.. serious food here.....Do you think it would be rude of me not to eat???.. and just eat before we go or when I get home.. I am working so hard... and I can handle the temptation.. I just do not want to offend anyone... Anyone that has been in a second relationship or approaching a marriage to someone that has children .. I am sure understands.. All in all the kids and they are actually adults now.. they seem to like me .. I hope... ... For now I am very focused on tomorrow I just try and roll with it .. Everyone is there.. minus the middle daughter who is in in the Peace Corp.. I think I have mentioned her before.. she is something else... It has been such a joy watching her come into her own as she see the world from a different perspective... I eat up everyone of her posts she is a good writer and fun to read.... Now as I was saying before my big concern is that ...IT has been a double holiday week for me.. and I am really proud of the way I have handled myself so far with all of the rich food that was around on Monday... now Sunday is a whole new ball game.. HOw do I do this discreetly and stay on track so Monday when I weigh in .. I have a loss.. oh and here is one more kink.. its my TOM.. or has I call it.. my MOE... ( I am on the pill 3 months then off a week.. during that one week I am horribly hormonal... or HORRIBLE MOANS hence MOE... everyone knows this I know... ) I cry if someone looks at me the wrong way... thank good it only happens 4 times a year now) so I have all of these forces around me.. and I want to conquer them to the best of my ability.. I got on the scale yesterday morning and the scale showed 191.2... the last morning weigh in last week was 193.2 and I ended up On the following Monday night being 194.2 which means when I weigh this Monday evening.. I should have a nice drop . thats what I am hoping for ... ANYONE who faces a similiar situation.. or can give ANY ANY ADVICE is much appreicated... I did think about calling the son's wife and asking what was on the menu.. but I was concerned that would be a bit rude... ... I have lost nearly 20 pounds since they last saw me at Christmas time..... I asked Steve if it is noticeable yet and he said it sure is... IT will be interesting to see if anyone notices.. I doubt it though... alrighty.. I have succeeded in making myself nervous.. going to go clean house now....\
Wish me well..
Wish you well too..

Friday, April 6, 2007


WHEW!!!!! I saw the ENT and no sinus surgery for me.. Starting at the top.. the "Mass" that was seen over the right brow is actually the structure of my skull.. some people have big sinus there .. some don't I don't I just have a big hard head. So that is a huge relief... I do have cysts one each side of the frontal sinus.. These are MUCH different than Polyps.. where Polyps tend to be solid.. cysts have liquid in them. They no longer operate for cysts and they remain benign and just sort of sit there.. NOW here is what happened to me.. and let it serve as a warning to EVERYONE who gets a root canal... I suffered severe nerve irritation in the main nerve along the right side of my face and head. In 2 to 4 weeks I should feel back to normal.. if not I am to call the ENT and have another XRAY... Be careful with your teeth.. be careful with root canals.. they never tell you what can go wrong.. and trust me on this.. YOU DO NOT WANT THIS LONG TERM PAIN...
Saw the movie Rocky Balboa last night.. Loved it.. yes it drags.. but it put a good ending to that movie franchise and even though this is a bit corny one of the best lines out of that movie basicallly said.. its not about winning the fight its about how many times you can get up after being hit... metophorically speaking.. I think we can all relate to that... for on this journey we are are often "HIT" with many obstacles.. and if we can "GET BACK UP" when we are hit and keep going.. well then that spells true success... Good movie.. watch it... especially if you were a fan of the other Rocky movies.. Yes I am sucker.. yes.. I like that underdog stuff.. and yes I love the theme from Rocky.. its playing in my head right now.. That should be everyone's theme song. We each have our own run up those infamous steps to that infamous museum...
Otherwise life is good... eating is good.. and I will post a food related post either later today or this weekend..
Wish me well
Wish you well too

Thursday, April 5, 2007

BETTER THIS MORNING (read post from last night)

I feel better this morning... no tears. yet.
He held my hand all night last night and I slept until around 4 a.m. which was okay.
He knows I am worried.. and he forgot about that I was horriblemonal and weepy this week.
He is very good at making amends and making me feel that everything will be fine... We will just do what we have to do....
Going to Wally world before work.. gotta get a bunny (stuffed) and some books.. for his grandson .. we have been invited over to his son's for Easter. Yes I know.. I talked about Passover recently.. thats because we are jewish.. He was married before we started dating (divorced too) 3 kids.. all adults now... his ex was not jewish , 2 of the kids do not consider themselves jewish and one does.. the one that does is the Middle daughter ( 24ish) She is in the Peace Corps in Africa right now.. a really amazing young lady. His oldest (about 25 or 26) ( son) is an smart young man with a very sweet wife and adorable son. His youngest ( 20) (daughter) is in college and never lacks in amazing me at how sensitive and understanding she is. Good kids... should be a fun weekend.. Okay time to go.. SO I can get to Wally world...
thanks for listening..
Wish me well
Wish you well too

Wednesday, April 4, 2007



I am horribly hormonal... HORRIBLE MOAN ALL
I am miffed that when I am weepy , my beloved says to me .. that this is not the worst thing in the world that can happen, that I will be fine. that I need to get a hold of myself
This just makes me more weepy.
I AM HORRIBLE MOAN ALL ( hormonal) ( this my week off the pill, weepy week)
SUNDAY THIS WILL BE OVER YAY ( new 3 month cycle of pill YAY)
I don't understand what happened to all the baby ducks that were in the pond at the front of the subdivsion.
Yes I do.. the cats, snakes and various other prey got them...
that makes me sad
I cried when Gina was booted from American Idol
I need help
I am scared about tomorrow.. I have never had a scope up my nose before.. but from what I hear it is not too bad.
I am scared I might have a bigger problem over the right eye.. I want to know what that is specifically and if it is sinus related
Part of me wants to BINGE .. but I am not.. I am blogging...
I am tired of the sharp pains in my head, just had one a second ago.. they start in the back of my neck on the left side, then I get them on the right side over my brow.
I am so tired of pain
I am so cheerful
Don't I just make you want to smile
I think I am going to implode
My mother worries me... things are changing with her.. age is creeping in..
She almost is 74 . I guess things change
Lots of issues with mom
but don't we all.
I wish it were different
But it is not.
Okay there...
The list is done.
Going to bed... will post tomorrow
Wish me well
Wish you well too.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007


Okay so first the good news... I am not going to die anytime soon.. unless .. I get hit by a truck or something.. which could very well happen tomorrow but .. is not
More good news... I lost another 3/4ths pound.. pretty good with all the drugs I was taking..






WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT TOPIC... Do you think if you have enough polyps and cysts in your sinus' would they weigh enough to equal a pound or more? cuz technically I could loss another pound should they remove them.
Originally I was going to have to wait until April 16 to see an ENT .. but with a lot of coaxing from family and friends last nite.. and when I sneezed this morning.. I got in with another guy who I am going to see Thursday afternoon and his office is right across the highway.. right where I go for class and weigh in., Happy about the convience side... One of my friends said he is very gentle when he scopes your nose.. so hopefully it will be okay.. When my doctor.. (internist) called with the results of the test I was a little surprised because I seldom talk with him about test results unless something big is going on.. They also found something over the right brow bone..This could be very similiar to what I have in my left femur which basically amounts to abnormal cell growth in the bone.. we have watched it for the past 9 years and nothing has changed.. so hopefully its the same thing.. the ENT will look at if closer... my internist does not think it is malignant. so thats good news... All I know is I just want a break from all this pain...
Otherwise.. things are good.. the weight is still coming off.. work is okay and life goes on.

As I have always said.. I can control what I can control.. the rest I have to roll with..

Wish me well
Wish you well too.

Sunday, April 1, 2007


Still waiting on results from the CT scan... my stitches fell out yesterday .. so thats good.. no more poking me in my jaw...

Just wanted to share a few springtime pictures with you.. the first one is my two 'maters... aren't they are some more flowers too... enjoy...
Next post will be weigh in tomorrow... might have to wait and post on Tuesday because Tomorrow evening is the first night of Passover and I have a seder to go too. Though I won't be going to my class tomorrrow night .. I am going to stop and weigh in.. Getting off work a little early tomorrow...

Wish me well

Wish you well too..