Monday, April 23, 2007


Sooner or Later it had to happen. The moment when you get on the scale.. feeling good.. pretty convinced you had lost and then WHAM!! the scale goes the wrong way.. I was 191.75 last Monday and this Monday I am 192.25 A half of a pound gain. I know I ate very well this weekend.. and I guess I get frustrated because if I had indulged in what everyone else was indulgeing in.. I would have had an excuse.. I could so ..that is why I gained.. I got on the scale this morning.. and I was 188.4 and tonite I was at that 192.25.. Geez....Last Monday in the morning I was 189.8 and in the evening 191.75 .. I know the scale is not the end all be all.. but to me.. when I weigh it is like someone cheering me on.. its validation that I am doing the right thing for the right reasons. It helps keep me sane while I battle the good battle.. I keep thinking my hunger monsters will just move away from me... but they stick around jabbing me in the side from time to time.. just to let me know they are alive.. and waiting... Granted they are far more quiet than they used to be.. but they linger.. I like to weigh to keep the monsters at bay too. Now this coming weekend I have another crazy weekend.. we are going out of town to Nashville.. and I will have to plan plan plan... IF someone ever says to me.. well you can always eat salad I swear I am gonna give them a pop on the back of the head... I do not want to live my life based on what place to eat has what salad.. I want to have a nice meal in moderation.. so since I know that Sat nite we are eating Italian.. I will have a side order of pasta with pamadoro sauce.. and a small salad.. and if I want I might have a bite or two of what Steve has .. and a bite or two of their bread.. Italian is hard for me to do.. but I will survive.. and be fine and God willing the scale will go back in my favor.. The fact I must remember is that these lifestyle changes are not with a limit.. they are limitless.. ever changing as I get in new situations.. and as time goes on. I have win.. there simply is no other way for me. I have to win for myself.. in this battle I have with myself since I was 10.. and my mother and the pediatrician decided I would go on my first diet.. I lost 20 pounds.. and then the world spiraled out of control.. as life became defined by my fat.. I think at 44 years old.. 34 years later .. it is time for me to be in charge... Time for me to define myself by the person I am not the pounds I weigh... The scale is a good monitor.. but so are clothes that I can wear now .. that I have not worn in 5 years... SO something good is going on.. I know that..
Starting: 211.5
Current: 192.25
Feeling: Okay

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