FAMILY FROM OUR WEDDING

Saturday, May 10, 2008

I DID NOT CHOOSE TO BE FAT

There are all these dialogues out there in the stratosphere of our minds.. that produce AH HA moment... It dawned on me recently that I did not choose to be fat.. just like I did not choose to be 4 foot 11 inches tall.. I can not change my height but I can change my weight.. I can alter that.. but still I did not choose to be fat.. You out there are saying.. C'mon Honi, if you had not eaten to hell and back and then back again you would not be in this predicament.. be honest.. Honi you choose to be fat because you choose to over eat.. well to a point that is true.. I do enjoy my food.. I do love a good place to eat.. I do enjoy a good meal with family and friends.. I do love to cook.. so in a way I guess I chose this, because the result of the above mentioned activities did increase my size. Yet at the core I still say I did not choose this. I did not choose to be fat.. and I can change this. I have been Fat forever.. I came out fat.. My mom gained 12.6 pounds with me during her pregnancy ( DIET PILLS WILL DO THAT TO A PERSON, ya back in '62 seems the doctors did not want you to gain much weight so they put pregnant women on diet pills.. and I felt the side affects ~ADD, ADHD and LD~ ( those were not my choices either and I deal with them every day) I was 8.6 of those 12.6 pounds my mom gained with me. There are baby pictures of my chunky thighs , my baby round belly, then my toddler thighs, and toddler belly, my kid thighs, my kid belly, my teen thighs, my teen belly, my teen butt, my adult thighs, my adult belly, and adult butt. all too large. There were drifts of time where I weighed less.. and then like little storms the weight built back up.. the walls built back around.. and the real me was hidden.. once again. behind layers and layers of fat. The reasons the weight came on.. really do not matter.. the result is the weight came back on by my over eating.. yet I still do not believe that I choose to be Fat.. this is the consequence of my actions...
Steve keeps asking me why I do not want to do Nutri System, aside from the simple fact that it would cost me $293.75 every month .. I do not want .. nor do I choose to alter my life to that extreeme.. with these programs.. and I know I did Nutri System when they had local centers.. you eat pre packaged and portioned out food. which in theory is great .. however, you cant go out to dinner with friends.. or you can go and not eat.. you can't share a meal ( Steve and I always do that) and to me the food was not all that tasty. Sure the weight will come off VERY FAST but what happens after.. Steve says .. I will not let you gain it back.. and I say PISH POSH on that .. if after 45 years no one has been able to stop me from over eating or gaining weight back, he would not be able to do that at all.. and I do not think I will have developed the habits and coping skills I will need to be successful.. I am tired of being on the trying path.. I want to be on the success and maintain path.. I hear it has some hills and curves but that once you get there its really lovely.. sure.. there will be bad things that happen there.. but perhaps by then I will not feel the over whelming desire to turn to food.. what if this time I turn to people.. I was really frustrated Wednesday night.. I sent my Cousin and email and I felt better.. I wanted to jump in a vat of chocolate.. but I did not .. I stayed OP and moved on.. the problem never went away.. but I did not choose food to sooth it with.. so that was a really nice thing.. I voiced how I felt and everything turned out okay.. ..
I did not choose to be fat... I WILL change this!
Now on to the world of my quest to find either the funniest diets or sometimes just the most interesting diets.. below you will find two examples of the INTERESTING DIETS:
***IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED OR EMBARASSED now is the time to exit this post****

A PLATEFUL OF PLEASURE
and
THE SEX DIET
That's it for a Saturday have a great weekend and a delightful Mother's Day..
Wish me well
Wish you well too

3 comments:

Laura said...

Glad to see you are doing well. Great job! I am trying to catch up on reading and commenting. Hopefully I am back now!

Hanlie said...

Surely the point is to be healthy! In which case you need to learn to live healthily. The weight is not the problem, the lifestyle is. I wouldn't opt for "diet food" at this stage... Just my opinion!

40 by 40 said...

Hey! How are you!?!? I see you have been having good losses!! YAY!I am also very happy about your NSV..where you found other ways to feel better besides FOOD..that is such an ACCOMPLISHMENT!!! Keep on keeping on Honi..you are doing great and have support!!LOVED THE LINKS!! You are so funny!