Thursday, May 22, 2008


So the date is set now.. Mom's official surgery date will be as it was orginally.. July 15th. My family sees no reason to alter their schedules in coming to visit.. My uncle's wife did however agree with me that that is too much at one time and they are going to come in after her surgery to help.. I thought that was really nice and I hope it comes to fruition..
Recalling when my dad passed away I worked for a big company at that time.. and it was easier for the boss to let me miss all that time. Now I work for a small private practice.. so it is not the same job.. there are only two of us here.. that is me and the doctor.. So.. now things are different.. and it is a huge issue what will happen during mom's recovery.. I can NOT miss a lot of work. It is not right nor fair to my boss.. She depends on me to run the front office. we are a team. I respect her very much and she is also my friend. I know how serious my mother's surgery is.. and family does come first.. but it seems to me that my siblings do not get that . Once again when i need them the most .. to help.. they go back to their lives..My middles sister takes care of her mother in law who has dementia.. so I understand that it is important for her to not be gone long.. but my older sister.... well she really could be there if she wanted.. yes she sort of helps out with her elderly inlaws but they have help.... This is her mom.. and she is going to be here when it is good for her and thats it. There is no telling anyone anything... my mother still won't deal with the nurse issue.. and people say just do it.. and I simply can not. I wish it was simple it would make it easier.. I am doing some serious praying for answers dealing with her.. and how to make this all go smoother.. see everyone has great ideas.. but then .. they are not really looking at the facts.. and really remembering my mom.. as I have said if it were me I would want a nurse.. just to make sure everything was okay... well I just called the doctors office.. I am suppose to go with mom to her doctors appointment on June 16th.. I asked that the doctor talk to mom about the nurse situation. she will listen to him.... and not to me. Maybe I am just not strong willed enough.. or maybe I am trying to please her .. I don't know.. I just know I am so stressed about all of this.. that I have a constant headache.. and I could eat my way through hell and back ( WHICH I HAVE NOT AT ALL) it seems in a way .. I have to fight her demons per say.. and fight mine as well.. I know the roles have changed.. I just wish I had a more agreeable mother.. and then I wonder if it is me who is just stirring the pot that maybe she should not have a nurse.. that maybe we should do this the way she wants.
SO in the midst of this great storm that I feared.. for so long.. how do I help myself.???. how to do I prevent turning to food for comfort.. by behaving like this in my blog.. ? by repeating basically the same story over and over.. by crying ? how do I release this stress? exercise helps for a minute.. food helps for as long as I eat but thats pretty lame...I don't want to walk in old paths.. I want to make a new path for dealing with this or any type of stress.. I don't want to walk through the jungle of food.. only to find myself fatter and more unhappy and unhealthy.. I want a different fresher path.. I want something that comforts me and helps me be strong.. and allows me to vent my frustration as I need to vent.... I don't choose to turn to food this time. I don't want to eat this all away.. because the real cold fact is I can never really eat this away.. it is there.. and it will be real in a few short weeks.. and wether I want to believe this or not I can make the outcome for myself in how I deal with it. I don't have to turn to food.. food is not an option.. Faith, Family ( all though aside from Steve and some aunts and uncles and a few cousins that is debateable) and Friends.. thats the path I will choose.. I will turn there for my comfort and though it won't be as numbing and fast as food is.. it will be more rewarding and calorie free and will last for the long run.
Tomorrow is weigh in..
Wish me well
Wish you well too


MargieAnne said...

Good on you for deciding to let your pain and frustration & worry out in your Blog. If you can't express yourself there your Blog isn't worth much.

I understand how hard it is to talk to your mother and you are doing the right thing getting her Dr. to talk to her. Hopefully she will accept it from him. For your own peace of mind you need a nurse with your Mom for a while.

You are doing fantastically well keeping to yur eating & exercise plans.

Lora said...

Your answer at the end - of where you will turn for help hit it on the head. Faith. Whenever I am blindsided by the storms of life - I turn to God. Truly, Honi - He carries us through these trials if we let Him. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. Your siblings should be helping more. I'd talk to your mom's doctor - explain the dilema. Maybe he (or she) can give you some suggestions and also talk some sense into your mom about the nurse situation.

Twix said...

Glad you haven't ate yourself to hell & back. That is a major step forward in the right direction! It is frustrating when you think those that should be there just aren't. This I totally understand. I hope something comes through that works out soon. I'll be praying about this. Hey do you have sunshine where you are at? I do today & I am going out to enjoy it. Get out there and enjoy it too! (((hugs)))

Cammy said...

Brilliant idea to get your mother's doctor involved in the discussion! It may come down to you having to tell your Mom how it's going to be, but I hope not.

My sister is much like your older sister. Breezes in, breezes right back out. Aargh!

My wish for you is continuing strength and health. And lots and lots of patience. :)

Scale Junkie said...

I agree with letting the doctor tell her she needs a nurse, no arguing, end of story.

Just keep your own health goals in mind so you aren't the one in that bed in 30 years.

buddha_girl said...

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh! The stress of dealing with your mom's surgery while also juggling the regular ins and outs of life...blah.

I think a nurse is IMPORTANT. Use that person as a support system. Home health nurses are trained to deal with sticky home situations. I had one when I had a BAD wound infection and loved her to pieces! At first it was tough to have some stranger come into my home, but I ended up adoring her!

I'm here for you, Honi! Whatever you need - ask!

40 by 40 said...

Maybe when you go with her to the Dr.,the Dr.will present the nurse idea in a more medical, less emotional--is that obljective--way ,and she will understand and go with the nurse idea. It's amazing that you have changed your habits and aren't using food for comfort. Keep venting's working for your waistline :) Stay strong. Good luck with the ol scale.

MargieAnne said...

I enjoy reading your posts so much that I've added a link on my side bar. I should have asked you first so do let me know how you feel.

Ann(ie) said...

Good call. BIG hugs. xo.

cadbury_vw said...

you know, if that is the way your family is treating you - just leaving you in the lurch about your mom

it probably speaks to your food issues - at least that would be my interpretation from my own experience - eating my anger, hurt, anxiety and frustration

the feeling that you cannot possibly do it all - the feelings of obligation and responsibility

the feeling (the actuality) that other people are just dumping off their work and hassle because you've always picked up the slack - always been there when you have been needed - and others just expect it of you

and then get their noses out of joint when you don't come through - not with regular effort - but they get snitty when you don't always come through with super-human extra effort - always going the extra 3 mile to make their existence comfy...


sorry about the rant

i hope things go well and you can avoid the "hit/fix" that you need - from a binge

thinking about you