Friday, July 6, 2007


HI, its me .. the fat kid.. you know .. the one with the weird hair, the crooked teeth. The nose that needed fixing... Its me the kid you squirted ink at .. me the kid in the brand new white shirt.. I was so proud I had kept it clean all day... and then you came along and flicked your blue ink pen at me and ruined my shirt...tall skinny girl.. i remember you.. I know your name.. I am sure you have long forgotten me... but I still hear the echoes of your laughter ... some 30 years later...hey its me.. fancy blond girl.. laughing at me because you think my teeth are discolored.. and you ask me if I smear butter on my teeth.. and you laugh your blond laugh... and you are proud of yourself as you knowingly look over to your friend who laughs with you... you would never remember me but I remember you... hey .. its me the kid you threw a rock at and cut my forehead over my left eye.. I remember you blond headed boy.. I remember your name.. you would never remember me.. I think it shocked you when the rock made actual contact with my skull.. it hurt me.. but you don't care blond little boy..Hey its me.. the kid you pushed off the school bus and down the steps in in Junior high school. Its me .. hey... i am the kid you finally started ignoring for the most part.. there were finally others to laugh at ... HEY .. brown haired boy.. yeah u.. the one that barked at me when I walked through the doors of the high school.. you would laugh and laugh... now why didn't I think it was funny.. I know your name... but you have no clue who I am ... and then there was you another blond boy.. you humiliated me in high school by asking me on a date in front of the entire classroom as a prank to get into a fraternity.. my heart pounded with the anticipation of the thought.. "could this be real.. and then the cold harsh slap of the real reality and the reason you were asking me as everyone laughed... years later we would meet again in a college course.. and for the life of you you could not figure out why i was not very friendly.. I found the courage to tell you why... and you simply said .. people grow up... honi.. and then you said I am sorry... and we were friendly to each other during that course. I never have seen you again.. but thank you for saying I am sorry.. it made things better... I was one of the lucky ones.. I went to boardng school to finish up high school.. I blossomed there.. I started a school newspaper there. I sang... I wrote... and I studied and grew... I never managed my weight well there.. and I still struggle with that... but the most important thing.. is I survived you... Through the countless times I just wanted to simply die because I was not good enough, or pretty enough.. or this enough or that enough... because I was different... because I was not as bright as you.. or for whatever reason you labeled me different.. I survived.. I will never forget you.. but I have forgiven your ignorant taunting and your absolute bliss in using me as your prey....I hope your children are nothing like you were.. but I have feeling .. the acorn .. well you know.. doesn't fall far from the prolific tree....


TooFatToFly said...

Hi Honi,

Goodness, I had tears in my eyes reading this post :-(

Not just for what *you* went through, but also the feelings it stirred in me for all the constant bullying I myself have suffered.

When bullying happens at school, I guess it's a little easier to hope that these kids will grow up and alter their warped view of people who are different.

Unfortunately for me, most of the bullying I have suffered took place in the workplace alongside so-called "grown-ups". My parents tell me to forget it, but truth is, I still think of thinks that were said to me over 15 years ago!

The bullies are still winning. They are STILL affecting my life EVERY single day since...

I wish I were like you, in that you have been able to "forgive".

I just don't seem to have that same "forgiveness" in me...

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for sharing this post. It must have been difficult for you to put it all down in writing.

You certainly aren't alone though. I know what you have gone through!

Many hugs,

Lins xx

Critter said...

Hey Honi,

I guess I was one of the lucky ones. I went to a small school and was with the same people from K through 12. I had lots of really good friends and no one treated me the way you were treated, at least not to my face anyway. You are a very strong person, I am so proud you can forgive those people that hurt you so.

Deb said...

The skinny, blond, pretty girl who tortured me is now a fat, frumpy middle-aged woman working at some low-rate hair salon in the mall. Karma can be the biggest bitch can't she :)