LOTTA WORDS

HI whew.. things are getting a little bit settled.. we picked a wedding date and firmed things up.. all thats left to do is get set with the hotel and do the usual running around and organizing etc.. so on that end of my life its all sweet....

Yesterday I saw a commercial for BIG MEDICINE on TLC... that commercial made me cry to see those large bodies.. and listen to these people.. who have decided that surgery is their only option to finding a healthier self. Each time that commercial comes on I cry.. whats the deal with that???.. not hormonal.. not sad.. not anything .. however that commercial just stirs me so deeply.. could it be because I see myself there.. I know how that feels.. ??? I don't know.. I just know that it really goes through me when ever I see it. I might watch the show too.

Somtimes I ask myself why isn't it a simple choice for everyone.. ? why can't all of us just do what we know we need do?? why is there so much attached to habit.. and habit attached to food?? Why can't each of us just shake it and move on.. I guess if I had the answer all of us would not be blogging about getting healthy and losing weight.. or making whatever life changes we need to make... hmmm.. I know in my life food has been a safe place.. and learning that emotion is just that emotion.. and allowing myself to feel uncomfortable or allowing myself to feel happy.. or angry.. is still not easy... but I know that I need to feel to be alive.. I know that in food there are no answers.. only the misguided comfort of momentary quietness as the food slides down my throat.. it surely does not solve the emotion.. It surely does not put me in the place I should be... SO I know these things.. and I am living a better life.. but it is so easy to slip .. and desire to just eat away whatever i am feeling... I suppose and hope that in time it will get easier and feel more normal... Normal.. now there is a good word.. I have come to the conclusion that in the medical world.. I am still considered obese. I was morbidly obese, Now I am OBESE , soon I will be obese/overweight, OVERWEIGHT , overweight/NORMAL and then NORMAL for my height and bone structure. Medically speaking. Morbidly Obese versus Normal. How will this be for me.. I know morbidly obese in medical terms.. I have lived Morbidly Obese.... but how will I know Normal.. will I truely be able to survive.. maintain a healthy weight? YES.. for see I am pretty blessed.. number 1 I have a great support system... my family and YOU GUYS... number 2 I have a fabulous doctor, who monitors me. and 3 I have a great nutritionist who monitors me monthly.. I go see her June 4th for my official weigh in and check in. I have had a few rocky patches.. but I let myself just deal with the feelings...and I never turned to food. This is good.

Steve pointed out something to me this morning.. he told me to try and not be hurt when friends start seemingly for no reason to abandon me. He said he has noticed that some of my friends are not comfortable with my anymore.. that I intimidate ( YES ME INTIMIDATE I laughed too) them now because I have changed my eating habits.. and I am careful now ... and I prefer to go to resturants where I can eat "like a normal person" and not have to monitor myself and have lots of choices... well in my Mind whats wrong with wanting to go to places I can eat comfortably. What is wrong with avoiding places that make me feel uncomfortable.. I SELDOM now go to my old haunts.. too much temptation out there for me... Steve said folks are noticing this.. and those that are not making lifestyle changes feel uncomfortable around me. I hate that .. because on the inside I am the same person.. maybe a bit more confident and sure of what I am doing now.. but I am still the same.. and when someone asks me what I want to eat.. or where I want to eat .. I say the places I feel comfortable with.. and well.. its usually not a fast food place ( ALTHOUGH I LOVE SONICS ICE and now Sara turned me on too the DIET CHERRY LIMEADE.. its SOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD) and I try and avoid Italian for now. Oh well.. any advice on that would be appreciated. Sometimes I even share a burger with Steve there too.. and I have found that is okay by me..

Well I do hope all is right in your world..
Glad I am back and hope everyone is doing okay.. going to go blog and comment for a while.. also gotta go register...at TARGET lol.. ..
Wish me well
Wish you well too..

I am back

Will post later this evening or tomorrow.. been slammed at work and at home.. lots to talk about

hope all is well for each of you..

Wish me well
Wish you well too

EXCELLENT DOCTOR VISIT

YAY!! Everything went so well today at the Dr.s office.. he was so pleased.. he told me that I have not weighed this since 2002 ( 187) I told him all I had been doing.. and dumb me forgot my book I have been making with my food logs, graphs etc... My blood Pressure was excellent 122/68 my heart rate was excellent... I am getting blood work done in Oct.. to check cholesteral and such. Had the Mams grammed and that was well.. it just was.. lets leave it at that.. Glad I did it.. more glad its over.. and thrilled that they remain attatched to my chest.. though I did worry there a few times....
My Dr. and I talked for a while.. He was asking me what I was doing.. and then he posed a really interesting question to me.. he asked me.. which is more bothersome the word Obese or Fat.. I said well this is how I look at it now.. I was Morbidly Obese by the medical charts.. I am border line Morbidly Obese and Obese now... Soon I will be Obese/ Overweight.. and then I will be Overweight/ Normal and maybe even normal one day by the medical charts...SO to me its far worse to be Morbidly Obese or Obese than someone just saying I am fat.. Morbidly obese is more of a medical term as Obese is. and I find those words to be cold... and frightening.. I do... I really do. I find them to be life threatening.. I find them to be words that one day will no longer be part of the definition of how people see me and how the medical community views me. Another good thing I learned today we discussed my goal weight and it seriously realistic.. or did I need to shoot for a lower goal.... and GUESS what.. my goal weight of 132 is right on the money.. If I was petite and short ( I am 4'11) then It would be closer to under 120.. but considering I am not that..I am a large frame... today he examined my ankles and wrists and officially determined I am Large framed... and liked that 132 goal.. I love it when my Dr. smiles and does not have that serious theres a problem here face.. When he walked in the room I told him.. ~~before we get started I want to thank you for motivating me to change my life...~~~~ and he looked at me as if to say what are you talking about.. I reminded him of our December conversation .. and he laughed and said.. AHHHHHHHHH I threatened you... it was funny.. but I just so do not want to go on meds... He also asked me what happens after the wedding.???. we decided that the goal of between 10 and 20 more pounds before the wedding was reasonable.. and I looked at him.. and said.. I will keep going to my nutritionist and keep going... I should have explained more clearly that the wedding and weight loss are 2 seperate things.. I am not doing this so I look good for my wedding .. I started doing this before I was even engaged.. the wedding is a bonus event.. another chapter in my life.. the weight loss.. well.. is the core of this book of mine... for you see.. how can I create more chapters in my life.. if the bindings and spine of the book are weak and struggling . So I am recreating myself.. and once I reach my goal.. I am going to have to carefully change and adapt.. to my new life style.. as I am doing now.. it will always be a continious cycle of change....when I get to the point of maintaining my weight he wants me to up my caloric intake from 1200-1300 calories to 1600- 1800 for maintainence and that is including exercise to maintain... so those are my goals.. Next time I go I am going to bring my book too. Today was a good day.. each day is a better day..
Wish me well
Wish you well too..
Have a nice Memorial Holiday weekend..

WHAT WILL FRIDAY BRING uhmm in my WORLD a CHECK UP, the GYN and the MAMMOGRAM MONSTER....

WELL... tomorrow I go see my doctor.. I have not been there for a check up since dec 18th.. when he told me either do something or it will be time for blood pressure meds.. Tomorrow is my day to find out if what I have done so far.. will make a difference. My official way day will be June 4th .. that will be the day I will post my official weight.. I got on the scale this morning.. its thursday and I was at 185 lowest I have been in a while. so thats 26.5 pounds. unofficially.. what will the scale say at the doctors office.. something close I hope... what will the doctor say to me.. will he notice.. does it matter.. ??? will my blood pressure read better this time..??? will I have lost enough of my physical self to have made a difference yet... well I will find out tommorow. I know I have made some great strides and I know that the path I am on is exactly where I should be.. changing... it is harder to change the older we are.. but there is something about this experience.. this time that is liberating... maybe because it is finally dawning on me that this is my life .. that this improvement if you will... will be continuous that there is no end... and the shape changes finally no more vicious circle.. more of a lazy maze that does not end.. kind of a maze you want to be on.. where with each challange you face it and conquer it. where with each twist and turn you develope a new skill for coping and realize that coping can be internal and external but it does not have to involve food to sooth a mood..Food is easy... figuring out and solving the issues is not easy.. sometimes just feeling an emotion.. is uncomfortable but its okay.. its getting easier... its okay to be angry now and then.. its okay to cry when I am sad or happy.. it is okay to simply be in the moment and not worry about what comes next. So maybe I should take my own advice and not worry about tomorrow.. or what the doctor says or thinks.. or even if I have to go on blood pressure meds.. maybe its enough to know I am on the right path and am doing the right thing the right way for me. The truth.. I want the doctor to notice .. I want the blood pressure to be better.. and I want him to say I am going in the right direction and things are getting better. I know they are .. but I just need that afirmation from him.. Isn't that silly when I know logically and emotionally I am doing the right thing.. well I guess there are things about myself I will never thoroughly understand..
Aside from all that things are going well.. eating well and .. ( TRUMPETS PLEASE) I am even exercising every morning with my recumbant bike and I have pulled out my exercise ball and am doing situps now..

Tomorrow we are working a half day in the office Then I go downtown to the big Clinic.. gladly all three visits are in the same building different floors...
I see the doc for a physical
then I see my GYN
then the lovely .. MAMMOGRAM.. MONSTER and I have a hug and touch moment.. (in another world where mammograms are fun) YIKES!!!!!!!!!!.. time to stock up on the advil .. I hate that thing... Someone needs to invent a new test... or a different type of Mammogram as it stands now.. and I mean STANDS.. I have to be on my tip toes once they put one of the girls in a that lovely hard plastic flatten me until I scream vise .. I am on my tip toes and the lady goes back behind the machine and says DONt breath>>> hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooooo.. I CAN NOT BREATH.. what the hell is she talking about don't breath and stand still.. like I am gonna leave my boob in a vise... then they do the other side.. and I am on my tip toes again.. DONT THEY HAVE A DAMN STOOL I CAN STAND ON.. geez.. well thats what happened last year.. and I was in serious shape with my back pain at an all time high too.. At least tommorow my back pain is low.. OKay .. I think I will be a bit more discriptive for my male readers.. see people think they just put the boob on the bottom tray then they flatten the boob out with the top tray .. OHHHHHHHH NO.. they go under your arm pit to get all of the breast tissue then can... so there are technically 3 shots per breast..(more the bigger u are) and god forbid they see something or they see a shadow .. then they have to do a magnifying mammogram.. they take a thin paddle and press that over the breast tissue they are suspicisous of.. so they press the small paddle against that tissue which is on the tray so its like a squish worse than any squish you could imagine... lol.. I have had that done before.. Last year was rough... because I was already in pain from my back and shoulder this year things are better in that respect. so when they pose me.. I can hold my breath and smile.. NOT!!! just gonna dose up on some advil and .. uhmm for lack of a better way to say this.... GIT HER DONE!!!!
Wish me well
Wish you well too.

PRACTICING BREATHING

Do you ever forget to breath? I don't mean that kind of breathing that keeps you alive.. I mean the breathing that KEEPS YOU ALIVE.... the cleansing breaths from a deep sigh of satisfaction.. of contentment. The deep cleansing breath that allows your body to fill with oxygen and lets you just relax for a moment.. I forget that .. So when I remember.. and really really breath.. it is as if time slows down for a few minutes... stress and anxiety slip away and are replaced with a momentary contentment.. That is truely great feeling.
I have learning that I will not die if I do not weigh myself.. sometimes I will go to the closet and grab the scale and the second my hands touch the cool steel I am jolted to remember I do not need to stand on it right now.. I can do that tomorrow morning.. Thursday my weigh day .. and survive.. Monday Thursday and Saturday those are my scale days. I can breathe.

I like going outside now.. I like playing frisbee with my dogs... I like breathing outside.. ( except for today.. our air quality is very poor due to the fact that because of all the fires in Georgia.. the smoke has captured this part of Alabama.. and it is bad.. its very smokie out and when u walk out of your home or business it smells like someone is burning something right in your back yard.. its amazing to think this is all because of those fires.. I was concerned about leaving my dogs outside.. but it seems to have gotten a clearer outside I can finally see the sky... ) well for now I am gonna wrap things up..
wish me well..
wish you well too

WELCOME TO THE LAND OF HONI

OKAY .. so here it is.. mid late .. no late afternoon and my cell phone rings.. I answer it.. and its a woman on the other end.. obviously she knows me and it has probably been around 2 years since we have seen each other .. maybe more.. She knew my momma, my Steve, me.. and I HAVE NO CLUE AS TO WHO THE HELL I WAS TALKING TOO>>> for 20 minutes LOL OY VEY.. LOL>. I still have no clue who that was she said her name but I did not understand her very well.. She knew I used to work for a franchise of BBV at the home office.. and she thought I was still there.. she had my cell phone as my work phone too.. Lord help me I have no clue who that person was.. I am still thinking about calling her back and saying.. excuse me.. this is Honi.. and apparently my mental book of knowledge (at least when it comes to remembering people) regarding remember folks is a bit dusty and I have no clue who u are .. nahh.. I just can not do it.. and I still can not believe I stayed on the phone with her and had no idea who I was chatting with.. lol.. I am such a dummy sometimes... and then I get to embarrassed to ask .. now who did you say this was??? I should have not answered my cell and just let my voice mail get it.. next time when I do not recognize a number I am going to do that.. OHHh and yes I tried to google the number and white page reverse the number.. no luck.. Oh well..

More from the Land of Honi :

Getting ready to start reading the Beck Solution.. and seeing what tips I can incorporate in my life . Should be a interesting read..
Eating has been pretty good . OHHH friends.. tonite I tried the stuffed cabbage and mashed potatos Lean Cuisine for 200 calories.. pretty good I would say.. will do it again.. HOWEVER.. big however here.. its not very filling.. so this was a bit of a problem .. because right now I am hungry.. well I still have my Sugar free fudge pop.. I can have so thats good...
Anyone out there an American IDOL fan... I think Jordin..has it nailed.. will see the results tommorow night.. GO JORDIN!!!! yes I did call a few times and voted for her tonite..
Alrighty.. time for me to wrap this up and blog back tomorrow..
Wish me well
Wish u well too..

A SPLASH OF DISCONNECTED THOUGHTS

A bit of a disapointment tonight... No one signed up for the support group .. out of 55 people no one wanted to be involved in the group but me and one other person. On the plus side me and the other person are friends. On the minus no one else wanted to participate they are going to try and do the program again in the fall.. Who knows why no one wanted to participate.. perhaps some have gained their weight back and our striking out the program as another failure. Perhaps folks just do not have time with the summer and all. Oh well.. I have my plan of action and thats the path I will continue on.. Maybe if they do it again they should open it to all the programs offered from Bariatric patients to anyone interested in general support as they travel along a more fitter road.. Oh well.. what can you do....

Cookie has become the mistress of the frisbee.. she is catching them in mid air now.. and really doing it with poise and such doggie grace.. watching her is a real treat.

Do you ever have really off the wall thoughts...

Why do men always have to check their "outdoor plumbing".. I mean its not like it is going to fall off or anything.. after all its been there since they were born.. surely they are familiar with it and know its not going anywhere.... but I sure see a lot of guys do this.. especially in Walmart.. Does this mean I spend too much time in Walmart????.. and no I do not go around staring at men.. I just happen to notice this and often wonder why .. I mean you never see women checking anything.. granted we have indoor plumbing and I do not know too many women that walk around with their hands on their boobs making sure they are where they should be... hmm is this a security issue..??? perhaps men should have a little outdoor plumbing alarm that way if anything happens a little siren would go off.. and they could keep their hands busy doing other things...just a thought...

I would rather stay home with Steve or go do something with him then go to a big affair of any nature that I may be invited too. I am a homebody unless we are on a bike trip.

I really like slot machines.. in fact that was my favorite part of the cruise I went on a couple years ago..

When I was a teen I was a HUGE KISS FAN... I worked in a record ( back then we had actual vinyl records and 45s and 8 tracks... cassettes were expensive.) I would get all the old KISS displays and put them in my bedroom.. I cut out all these pictures from various magazines.. black and white pictures.. of KISS.. and by hand .. piece by piece crafted their logo over my bed.. it was about 2 feet high and 3 feet wide that stayed up in my room until I went to boarding school.. then my mother redecorated.

The very first picture I ever put up in my bedroom was from 16 Magazine and it was a picture of John Travolta... I had a crush on Barry Williams.. (Greg Brady) and I almost got to meet him when he came here for a opening of a bank branch.. but I was sick.. My mom brought me an autographed picture of him.. I have since lost that...

I love and still do Old reruns of I LOVE LUCY

I still love Little House on the Priare

The first R rated movie I ever saw was Saturday Night Fever.. My sister took me to see it.

The very first Rock Concert I went to Was Peter Frampton.. my sister took me to that too Tickets were a whooping 7 dollars.
I saw KISS every year they came to Town from 1976 until 1984 ..
In my concert days I saw Simon and Garfunkel, Styx, Billy Joel, Kansas, KISS, The Rolling Stones, Jimmy Buffett, B-52s, Gregg Allman, Barry Manilow, Harry Connick JR. ,Manhattan Transfer, James Taylor, Robert Plant, The O Brother tour, Rod Stewart, Neil Diamond ..and Many others...

Still bummed why no one wanted to come tonight. It really seemed like such a great idea to have this support group...I guess Everyone has their reasons.

Why do some folks think that being blunt with someone is really okay to do... Like telling someone who is tryng to get healthier and working on issues to create a healthier lifestyle .. to just do it. Sometimes the "IT" takes time to figure out how to do...

Why do people spew advice when the do not truely get the crux of the problem. I hate when someone says well just do it. quit over eating...

Why do we buy the garbage that most diet books flood us with.. Yes there are some great books out there filled with sensible advice.. Yet we continue to see people touting programs that tell you to eliminate a food group.. or fast.. or clean your colon, or eat a half of a grapefruit at every meal.. or cut out carbs.. eleminate this eleminate that... Or just heat and eat these pre cooked MREs and you will lose a gazzillion pounds..
Time after time the succesful ones the ones who have maintained thier loss have done so by sensible eating combined with moderate exercise. Sure it might take longer than THe Eat Wheatabix at every meal and the pounds will melt Fad.. FADS are not a healthy way of eating.. idealy the best way of eating is following the food pyramid and exercising.. these are the keys to a better lifestyle.. the first 2 keys.. then learning how to monitor what you put in and what you expend is important.
Stop being guilted into taking care of yourself.. Be SELFISH do this for you...
Wish me well
Wish you well too

A QUICKIE

Had a decent weekend.. got a lot accomplished.. and Do Dah Day was a really nice treat... Looking forward to tonite.. going to the first Support group meeting dedicated to those who have attended the classes for the Mayo Clinic Healthy Weight Loss for Everybody. So it will be nice to meet folks ( new folks too) who are on the same journey. I am bringing all of my recent books, The Beck Solution, Lean Plate Cluh and the EatingWell book too. Plus I am going to take the book I have been making along the way . It has my food logs, my weight graphs, recipes, inspirational quotes and tips as well. BOY will my arms be full. I might as well go ahead and officially weigh tonite and then again on June 4th when I have my meeting with Donna. I weighed 185.6 this morning.. so that was pretty good.. by that scale I have lost 25.9 pounds.. but we all know what happens when you weigh in the evening... so I won't be too effected either way... Will post again later on this evening .
Wish me well
Wish you well too.

DO DAH DAY 2007

Went to a great benefit today .. It is called Do Dah Day . It was held at two of the parks in the southside area of Birmingham, Alabama it is to raise money for the Greater Birmingham Humane society.. it was a fun day .. below are a few photos of this not too hot Saturday.. the first picture is of Steve, my mom and Cookie and Bazzie going down the steps to one of the parks.. we only went to the first park and we did not walk to the second park.. after the first picture the others are just various shots of the parade and other animals out there...

It was a lot of fun..

Wish everyone a great weekend.. and thanks for the sweet comments regarding my dress choice.. I am pretty happy now that that is over...Still a lot of planning to do.. one of my cousins is going to do our pictures and video and help cue the song I am going to walk down too... Okay .. I guess I should share what that song is.. its one of our favorites .. its from the movie Shall We Dance.. the name of the song is The Book of Love its by Peter Gabriel.. its a great song... different but great... at least to us..

Wish everyone a great weekend..

wish me well

wish you well too....

I DID IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, last night we went to the bridal shop and I tried the dress on again.. this time it was different.. It looked really good.. I even tried it on with my hair pulled up and a blush veil underneath my ponytail and then they put the tiara on top of my head and it really looked lovely.. Though I ordered the dress last night , I am waiting to see if i can find a less expensive tiara and am waiting on purchasing the bra it alone is 80.00 and since I am losing weight I have already gone down 2 width sizes in the bra so I am going to wait until the last minute on that... they have to order that as well... SO for those curious eyes who want to see what the dress looks like.. .. here is a picture of the dress.. this is from the catologue I could only wish to look that good or be that tall lol..... thats the front. to see the back click on this link : http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridal_gowns_detail.jsp?stid=2792&prodgroup=159 hopefully that will work.. We are not having a a bridal party however ... here is a picture of the tux for Steve.. We are keeping everything pretty simple .. no bouquet or garter or anything complicated.. I am going down the aisle on the arm of my uncle and caring a single rose.. I am going to place that rose next to my mom in honor and in memory of my beloved father. The saddest part of this whole affair is the thought that he will not be here for this at least in the physical sense of the word here.. I know he will be brimming from my heart that day.
Today has been a really lovely spring day... low humidity outside and a crystal blue sky..

We are going to an event called Doo Dah Day tomorrow its for the Humane Society.. I love seeing all the animals out there.. They have a parade and people are there with all of their dogs and various other animals.. They also have puppies and older dogs up for Adoption as well. Its a lot of fun.
Been a good eating day .. I did not get to ride my bike this morning but I figure with all the walking I will be doing Saturday and Sunday when I go shopping that will be good.. I am going to get some bike riding in on Sunday too. OHHH and the most coolest thing.. last night while I was trying on my dress.. SouthernFriedfatty herself came to visit me and gave me a terrific gift... thank you again!! It was funny when we realized we were in the same city. She was a great comfort while I was going through the wedding dress dressing.. boy is that extensive or what ...
Have a Happy Weekend...
Well wish me well..
Wish you well too.

A SUNNY THURSDAY IN THE SUNNY SOUTH

It is a lovely day here.. not to hot or humid and a bright sunshine with crystal clear blue skies.. wish I was not in an office today .. would love to sit outside... Tonite when I get off work.. my mom , aunt and I are going to look at my possible wedding dress one more time before I go ahead and order it.. I might even post a picture of it too.... its really lovely... Slowly making more wedding plans so that is good.. still not completely set on a date yet either...
All is pretty well .. I had a down down yesterday morning because I was so perplexed about my wedding dress.. so I sent out a huge email to my married friends to see how they felt when they got their dresses.. each story was as unique as the story teller. It made me feel much better to realize that for a lot of people there is no WOW factor... Its more of a feeling pretty and attractive on their wedding day.. I got some great responses.. Hey if anyone out there wants to share their wedding dress story with me I would love to hear it.. so please comment about it ... My feeling was I was upset because I never felt the WOW FACTOR .. in any of the dresses I have tried on.. the most recent dress I like the best.. I feel that the style is flattering and I like it. I guess sometimes we try to romaticize things that sometimes can not be really romaticized they just have to be appreciated... SO tonite I am going to breathe.. try on the dress if I feel good in it.. thats what I am getting.. YAY me...
Okay.. so what else can I share .. my program MAYO CLINIC HEALTHY WEIGHT FOR EVERYONE... started a support group to meet and have dinner I think its either once a month or once a week I forget lol.. I need to read that card.. I am so excited about it. Its all the classes that have been done everyone has been invited to participate in the weekly or monthly dinner and support.. I think its such a good thing to be around people who can relate to what you are going through as we travel down this road to better health.. will let you know more about it as it goes on.. Monday night is the first meeting... .. Otherwise its just a regular Thursday...
Wish me well
Wish you well too..

IS THERE MORE

I ASK MYSELF IS THERE MORE TO THIS SCALE OBSESSION ISSUE. THERE SEEMS TO BE A LOT OF PEOPLE OUT THERE WITH THIS SAME FEELING... I tend to wonder if we are just control freaks and think that if we can control what the scale reads then we are in control of our lives. In the real world.. out of our fantasy zone.. no one is really in control of their lives.. we are controlled by our environment, the people in that environment, the life situation we are in, the lifestyle we are accustomed too etc... It is hard to realize that not much is in our control.. ahhhhhh but then you say .. food basically is in our control.. we can control what we eat.. lets face it.. if it is bad for you.. and you really know its bad.. don't eat it.. thats a pretty simple statement.. simple complex uncomplicated very complicated... not really simple. Food to most of us is far more than food in and of itself.. I think in some form or the other everyone has eating issues.. What about our parents or their parents that were depression era survivors.. they were lucky if they had enough food to go around.. what about those that survived the holocaust, or came from other countries where food was not as accessible as it is in America today. These relatives of ours had to do with out a lot. When food became plentiful some might have taught their children that more is better.. who really knows.. I do know that EXCESS IS NOT BEST...but think about all that is tied with food through out history... people would sell themselves for a loaf of bread. geez.. I doubt too many people would be doing that now.. when you can buy a twinkie for 50 cents.. or less.. Lets come back to us.. us of all ages and backgrounds.. each of us have all of these varied relationships with food.. food is not just for mere survival now.. Food is a way we express love to our families... baking cakes etc... Food is something we give to those that are ill or in need.. or are celebrating.. and so forth... Food no matter how we slice it, is a huge part of our lives.. Some of us can embrace that with no consequence an some of us.. well we have over embraced it.. and dealt with those consequences.. is there MORE... I think that as each of us makes our changes.. as I make my change and live my plan. I can still enjoy food. I also think I won't have to hide behind or wear food as a blanket anymore.. Funny how something that tastes good and feels good going down and creates a warmth in us or sparks an old memory that was good for us.. can create such havoc for us. I do think there is more.. More for us to learn about adapting our lifestyles to still make food enjoyable for us and our families .. yet not let it be our defense.. our hiding place.. Am I a foodie????.. Yeah.. I love to cook.. I love to watch people eat what I make.. I love for people to enjoy my meals.. What have else have I learned... That food in a healthier form can be safe.. and fun. Can be colorful and creative.. and good for me.. So yes there is more.. A lot more... Learning to let go of my scale obsession and learning that food can be safe .. Learning that I don't have to wear it to enjoy it. Learning that the scale is a tool.. not a monster...chasing me around and wacking me in the head.. Learning that I am still learning and will be continually learning and changing and growing.. IN A GOOD WAY.. the rest of my life..
Wish me well
Wish you well too..

INFORMATION ON SCALE OBSESSION FROM SOUTH BEACH DIET

From the South Beach Diet... on SCALE OBSESSION

MORE INFO WE KNOW BY HEART BUT REALLY NEVER LISTEN TOO BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON WE THINK OUR BODIES ARE SUPPOSE TO BEHAVE DIFFERENTLY.. HOWEVER... THE TRUTH REALLY IS THIS:


Stop Scale Obsession :Do you weigh yourself every day? Do you worry about even the slightest change in your weight? If you answered "yes" to either of these questions, you may be obsessing over the scale — and if you're trying to maintain healthy habits, this behavior can actually be counterproductive. the truth is, your weight may change from day to day for many reasons. Fluid retention, hormonal fluctuations, constipation, and even the food you ate right before stepping on the scale can cause daily ups and downs. These variations can be misleading and worrisome if you don't understand them. For an accurate measurement of your weight, weigh yourself only once each week and on the same scale every time (different scales may give different readings). An even better method of measuring your success is to let your belt be your guide. If your clothes fit better and you feel better, then you're getting healthier — even if the bathroom scale doesn't show big changes.
Ultimately, it's up to you to stop scale obsession. Weight loss takes time, so patience is required. Dr. Agatston, preventive cardiologist and author of The South Beach Diet® says, "It's a marathon, not a sprint." Remember, if you're practicing weight-healthy habits like those recommended by the South Beach Diet®, you will enjoy better health, and the extra pounds will come off in the process — whether you step on the scale every day or never again.

THE ART OF BEING ME

MY whole life I have tried to fit in places that it is impossible for me to fit in. Like a revelation this came to me recently. Now I simply work at just being myself.. and if I am liked then thats a good thing.. No more trying to be something I am not and feeling like a clumsy ox. It is hard simply just being me though. Seems I find myself not satisfied. I feel like I am this canvas in a way and I am constantly shifting. I guess thats how it is for everyone.. we have to shift and change as the tide of our lives rolls in and out. Nothing really bad about it.. I like my changes.. Yesterday I chose my wedding dress.. I had no intention of trying this particular dress on.. its a halter style dress. Sara suggested I try it.. she loved it.. she said I had to try it on.. I did.. and it clicked.. not only did it click 2 sizes smaller than when I tried on dresses there the last time.. It clicked. We took off the frufu slip under the dress and the dress fell smooth.. I did not need the extra POOF of the slip under the dress. I still can not believe it was a 14W. That was really neat to me.. The good thing about this particular dress is that should I lose between 10 and 20 pounds before the wedding.. they can adjust the dress. it has no beading along the sides so adjusting the dress is not a problem.. which is a good thing... Our consultant said if I lose 10 pounds the dress will fit perfectly minus a slight alteration... if I lose 20 more pounds by then it can be adjusted as needed... the dress will be in in 12 weeks.. 4 months.. hmmm what will my canvas be in 4 months... Since January I have lost nearly 25 pounds.. that is as of this morning on my scale. I weighed 187. That is the lowest the scale has read since I started. I will be moving my ticker above when I have my official weigh in in June with my nutritionist. So my friends its good..
We all are moving art.. We all our own canvases .. enjoy your new creations.. I am slowly starting to see mine.. I am a work in progress..
Wish me well
Wish you well too...

I NEVER THOUGHT IN MY LIFE I WOULD PUT THESE 2 WORDS TOGETHER .... LIZARD SEX...

Well so here is the scene.. Steve and I decided to take an evening motorcycle ride to Fresh Market to pick up some apples and odds and ends... Well as I am getting on the bike.. I say to Steve.. " look there is a lizard on the drain pipe against the house.. his reply was .. there are 2 of them... Me being of not so good vision looks again.. and then Steve said they are having sex.. EXCUSE ME... OHHH now I see.. 2 lizards.. and one is kinda moving around ahh.. okay.. just what I have always wanted to see.. Hmm they should get a room at the lizard inn I said to Steve.. he laughed... they.. where just doing what comes naturally and I happened see their "naturally" okay.. the rest of the evening thus far as been uneventful..
SO I decided to check my trusty blog to see if I had any thoughts on my last post and I did.. Thanks to you both so far... Coco I have not read that book yet.. let me know what you think of it.. I think I am too anal to try intuitive eating.. I think if I listened to my body in that way it would say. Please eat that cheeseburger.. and it really is okay to have that triple thick shake.. and ohhhh that buddy bar.. nooo probably not such a good idea for me.. all though.. as it has been pointed out to me.. that this plan I am on.. will be ever changing for the rest of my life.. I guess I still feel as if it all is in its infancy still.. I am still learning how to control the tickle to binge.. I still trying to learn what I call alternative eating.. in other words.. if there is a hershey bar and an apple next to each other which should I choose.. I am learning that the apple is a good alternative to the candy... fact is though the candy may be sweet and delicous and really taste good.. it wont give me anything but a sugar rush.. while the apple will give me vitamins.. fiber.. and a good sweetness. hmmm seems like the apple is a good alternative ... Now does that mean I totally rule out chocolate.. NOpe.. I get my chocolate light soy milk.. I get my chocolate sugar free popcicle .. so I am not with out it... so there really is no denying myself.. just making alternative choices... This is hard my friends.. this learning.. that these are not temporary changes... I have such a strong will to succeed as each of you do.. I learn so much from each of your been there done it comments.... I learn so much from each of you and so appreciate your support please know that... Aside from the Lizard sex .. I am still in Scale dilemma... keep your thoughts coming... As we know.. .I have my official once a month weigh in with my nutritionist.. and I am weighing 3 times a week at home.. my scale and her scale are fairly well matched.. only difference is .. is that at home I way first thing in the morning.. Monday, Wednesday and Saturday ... this will be weird not going to weigh this Monday night.. but I think I can do this.. Once Sara has gone back to school... I will be riding my recumbant bike again in the mornings... ( she leaves on tuesday) then if I want I can take in some extra time at the club on my way home from work to exercise some more.. or as I call it bonus exercise... then I can weigh there if I want.. or NOT.. I would like to get to where I monitor myself at home.. and weigh officially once a month with my nutritionist.. We are thinking of doing a resting and active metabolism test.. to see how well my metabolism is working.. and we are also thinking about doing a test called the bod pod.. you go in this machine.. it sucks the air out of the machine and it measures the ratio of body composition to bone.. or something like that.. I know it is a good way to see how much actual fat your body is losing and how much muscle you are gaining.. so those are 2 tests on the horizon... those are other good monitors.. I really have to work on.. not viewing the scale as an enemy.. I tell people its not but in a way to me it is still.... I really need to work on this too.. well enough rambling for tonite..
Wish me well
Wish you well too..

OBSESSING

RED FLAG RED FLAG>..

HONI IS SETTING HER SELF UP FOR FAILURE>>> OBESSING WITH WEIGHING IN.. not a good thing.. and time to nip that rascal in the bud... I will be weighing on my scale as needed .. but not every day... I will weigh in officially with the nutritionist once a month and meet with her at that time. Steve felt that I was starting to obsess about weighing in.. and I agree because those old anxious feelings are creeping up... that means failure is around the corner unless I make a switch.. the good thing about a plan is that you can adapt it and alter it as needed. This is not a diet.. DIETS DO NOT WORK in the sense of a DIET TO LOSE WEIGHT... what works is a plan.. I am on a great plan... life is okay.. and the world will not crumble if I do not go and weigh once a week at the club at the nutritionists office. Breath Honi.. Breath... okay I am breathing.. I feel better now.... Will be posting more in the next few days regarding this... Folks let me know what you think.. I just know I can not get to that obsessing what the scale says point. its a HUGE RED FLAG of failure for me...Life is good..
wish me well
wish you well too

ON MY MIND and our first borns

We have a cat in our house.. Steve's daughter is staying with us for a week and she brought her kitty with her. I have never been around cats for any length of time.. I am more a puppy person.. So this has indeed been an interesting time.. I finally figured out what has me miffed about cats.. When I walk in the house.. I pretty much know where my dogs will be and what they will be doing... Greeting me happily as if I had been gone for a year. With cats it is different.. they are aloof.. come over when they need an ear rub.. they walk on furniture.. and can jump straight up in the air and land on the edge of the kitchen sink with out falling in or off. Cookie steals food from the edge of the counter from time to time.. and her trick is.. well.. uhmm.. she does not take the plate off the counter just the food.. yeah thats her trick.... This kitty won't eat your food on the table or counter but she will sniff it and lick it .. uhmm I think I will pass on licked by a cat food.. however I did let Cookie sniff and lick one of our first borns..BUT I did wash it before we ate them Ha!!

FIRST BORNS>>

YEP we had our first ripe tomatos earlier this evening ..they were a bit tart but good... hmmmm ....

I promised a review on Lean Plate Club Secrets.. its good for reference but thats really it.. its not a bad investment but I think the EATINGWELL DIET book is the best.. VERY similiar to my program. and the recipes have the TOTAL YUM FACTOR going on...

For you AI fans... awww bye bye LAKISHA.. you did great sweety but you needed to smile more... thats my only complaint about you... Tonites results show was decent.. could have done with out PINK and the group medley it was kind of mauled... Which brings me back to Sara's cat.. She is very well behaved other than walking on furniture and all.. she is rather interesting to watch... and very pretty This is Ellie the cat :

Nice Kitty...

Wish me well Wish you well too.

Ponderings Recipes and Reviews

Bathing suit blues...

well my first pondering is this.. Saturday I went swimming.. and as I was putting on my swim suit I realized.. that it went on a little to easily.. and then to my chagrin I discovered that my suit has gotten big.. SO HELP .. I tried to get a smaller size I got a regular XL and it was too big.. but I could not find a Large at a reasonable price. SO I am still looking for an inexpensive suit. I have never tried the takini look because.. well I never thought it would work for me.. I like my wearing a skirt bathing suit.. not that it helps hide much but I always think that looks better.. do they make these tankinis with skirt bottoms... I am not that familiar with them.. any ideas would be really appreciated.. at this rate every 20 pounds I will need a new suit.

My fat clothes are getting bagged up.. we have accumulated 1 whole bag and 1 half bag so far. I am keeping one pair of jeans.. otherwise it all goes. No more setting myself up for failure by allowing large size clothes to reside in my closet.

Steve ordered me a mother's day gift (from Cookie and Bazzie) 3 pairs of new shoes.. WOW I can not wait.. that was so cool... He told me as I take this poundage off.. A lot is going to change including having nicer clothes and shoes.. Walmart is no longer my onestop shoping store for fat things because I dont want to spend the money on nice things. I can go visit Target however sooooooo if any of you Target fans can give me tips it would be much appreciated .. I decided to have one of our gift registries at Target and the other at either Bed bath and beyond or Linen and things...

Here is a recipe from my new cook book

THE EATINGWELL DIET

GO OUT THIS VERY SECOND AND BUY THIS BOOK.. I like it better than the LEAN PLATE CLUB.. is it the pictures.. hmm thats a big plus.. but I REALLY LOVE THE EASY RECIPES

Seared Steak Salad with Edamame & Cilantro

Makes 2 servings, 3 cups each

Ingredients

8 ounces top round steak, ¾ inch thick, trimmed of fat

½ Tsp. kosher salt

½ Tsp. freshly ground pepper

4 C mixed Asian greens or mesclun greens

1 C sliced snow peas

1 C sliced red bell pepper

½ C shredded red cabbage

½ C chopped cilantro leaves

1/3 C thawed shelled edamame

¼ C Sesame Tamari Vinaigrette

Seared Steak Salad with Edamame & Cilantro Instructions

1. Sprinkle steak with salt and pepper. Coat a small nonstick skillet with cooking spray; place over medium heat. Add the steak and cook about 4 minutes per side for medium-rare. Let rest for (at least 5) minutes before slicing.

2. Combine greens, snow peas, bell pepper, cabbage, cilantro, edamame and vinaigrette in a large bowl. Toss to coat. Divide between 2 plates.

Top with the steak.

Chicken Variation

Substitute

8 ounces chicken tenders for the steak. Cook through, 3 to 4 minutes per side.

Shrimp Variation

Substitute

8 ounces cooked, peeled shrimp for the steak (omit Step 1).

Seared Steak Salad with Edamame & Cilantro Tips

Prepare through Step 1; refrigerate for up to 1 day.

WISH ME WELL..
WISH YOU WELL TOO...

NOT A BIG LOSS but a LOSS never the LESS

Lost 1/2 a pound this week..
Grand total 21.75 pounds... gone so far.
So still toddling along in the right direction.
Started Exercising on Saturday.. I went swimming Sat. Sunday I got up and rode the recumbant bike.. and today I rode the bike.. I figure if I ride ever a.m. at least I will have done something for that day ... and if I go to the club on the weekends or after work during the week.. Well thats Just bonus work out.. so that is good.. YAY..
Got 2 new books to talk about..
will post on them tomorrow.
Time for bed.
Wish me well
Wish you well too...

FRIDAY and WEIRD DREAMS

Hmmm well. no major challenges this weekend.. just a quiet weekend... I got on the scale this morning and much to my chagrin it was up a little.. not stressing about it.. I don't officially weigh until Monday and I plan on going to the Fitness Center tomorrow in the morning.. and Sunday sometime.. and Going for a good walk too with a friend or taking Cookie for walk as well.. So I will have an active weekend which is good.. Going to clean out the fridge.. and pantry too.. I always like to do that from time to time then I like to go and get new groceries.. gives you a good perspective on what you REALLY need and what you Really want.. not to mention its nice opening a clean pantry and a clean fridge... Sounds so exciting right.. lol..

Okay.... for the last week I have had weird dreams.. Last week I dreamt that my my Boss the good Doctor.. gave me a RX for eating Icecream Lol.. We were standing in the office and she handed me an RX and said.. this is for you.. I read it and it said I AUTHORIZE YOU TO EAT ICE CREAM lol.. I woke up after I read the RX... Then last nite I dream I had a pig fest.. I ate and ate.. and ate and ate.. etc... WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY HEAD??????? not eating anything out of the ordinary that might give me weird dreams.. just having them on my own I guess.. Who knows.. Maybe I am obsessing about food in my dreams because I am afraid I am going to binge or something.. I just do not know..
Well folks.. Wish me well.
Wish you well too..

Are you a DIXIE CHICK or NORTHERN STAR I am 83% DIXIE

http://www.angelfire.com/ak2/intelligencerreport/yankee_dixie_quiz.html Hey this is a fun quizz to take to see just how southern or northern or middle of the road you might be.. ENJOY!!

THE HONESTY CHALLENGE

Was perusing one of my favorite sites.. THE DIET PULPIT.. and they have an Honesty Challenge going on. http://thedietpulpit.wordpress.com/honesty-list/

List the 10 reasons you HONESTLY want to lose weight.. it can be postive changes that will need to be made.. or it can be the reasons.. deep down you want to make these changes.. SOOOO
Here goes mine:

1. I want to be healthier.. The doc gave me a choice.. make changes or go on meds
Changes.. that sounded like a healthier alternative than drugs.

2. I want to move easier... Getting on a Motorcycle at 211.5 pounds was no easy task and if it was hard for me I can only imagine how hard it must have been for Steve when we went on road trips... There is a difference after 21.25 pounds.. I can only imagine the difference at 30, 50 + pounds...

3.I want to feel more attractive.. not just for Steve.. but really for me.. I want to go shopping in a regular size store and look in the mirror and not have a panic attack.

4. I want to feel more feminine.

5. I want to be able to play more with my pups... I can do that now.. but not as much as I would like..

6. I want to feel healthier and maybe increase the chance that I might have a few healthier years on this planet..

7. I want to lose weight because I do not want to die

8. I want to lose weight because I choose life.

9. I want to lose weight because there is so much I can NOT do at my previous size and current size.

10. I do NOT want to be looked at anymore with eyes that say " WHAT A PIG" ..

That is my HONESTY LIST... Check out DIET PULPIT and do one too..
Wish me well
Wish you well too..

COMMENTS FROM THE LAND OF RANDOMNESS

Cookie the wonder dog was at it again the night before last... we had put out left overs for dinner.. and little miss counter cruiser .. snagged a thigh and half a chicken breast bones and all..I still am pretty amazed that she never pulls the plate off the counter.. but only grabs the food.. she is a very neat counter cruiser..

Bazzie the other wonder dog.. decided he needed to chew on the grill scrubber.. in doing so he flipped on the grill knob. thus leaving the gas on all day and burning out the tank.. No grilling last night.. thanks to SCRUB CHEWER DOG....

I simply must find my motivation to exercise.. I am very adept at finding every motivational reason NOT to exercise..

HONI JUST DO IT!!

I have purchased but not yet read.. the LEAN PLATE CLUB.. hmm I used it as a coaster for my diet Ginger Ale last night too... From coaster status to reading Status tomorrow...

Motivation can come from all sources I do believe.. From the new found friend that reaches out and encourages you to continue making positive changes...
From feeling your pants getting bigger each time you put them on.
From keeping up with a loved one on a walk..
From simply just believing in yourself.. when you finally realize that by shedding the outer layer of fat.. you are increasing your chances to add years on your life.
From seeing what FAT really is and understanding the concept of the actual weight of the poundage that is coming off your body... 10 pounds may not sound like a lot.. but go lift 10 solid pounds... that should be a nice tickler of what you have accomplished...
Same for 20 pounds... See 20 pounds for exactly the excess it is.
and then once day 30 pounds and 40 pounds and 50 pounds.. and 60 pounds and finally over 70 pounds... I seriously doubt I can lift 80 pounds for any length of time. Yet in the final phase of my weight loss... that will be the total over 80 pounds. What an amazing goal.. what a amazing thought...
The hardest part has yet to come.... staying at goal.. maintianing the new physical and mental me... Before I get there.. I will have to develop a plan... Develop the pathway and the support I will need.. to really acomplish this...
I am on my way though.. this is good... Still have 58 pounds to go... reaching closer though.. the hill still goes up .. but my energy increases.. so that is good...
Wish me well Wish u well too..

INTERVIEW ME...

I love this stuff.. Less Flab more Fab.. Blog site "S" sent this to me.. I love it..

Here are your questions:

1. Were you a "mommy's girl" or a "daddy's girl"? Neither? More a Daddys girl.. I hung out with my dad a lot... we were buddies..

2. What movie is guaranteed to make you cry? STEEL MAGNOLIAS.. every single time

3. What "mistake" or "wrong turn" in your life turned out to be something positive? Not sure if this can be considered a mistake or not .. w hen the doctor told me I had to make some changes or go on blood pressure meds.. those words.. that I always never thought I would hear motivated me to make changes..

4. What evocative smell do you associate with each season? Burning leaves = Fall , Fried potato smell = { Potato Latkas, Potato Pancakes..} Chanukah =Winter... Gardinas = Spring.. Rain+Alabama Clay=Summer


5. What character trait do you find hardest to tolerate in others? Fakeness

Want to play?
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.