Monday, April 7, 2008


To me that is such a silly phrase.. TRIGGER FOODS.. but it is a real chain of events... So here we are in our favorite grocery store, we used good grocery store habits, A list, walking the perimeter of the store first then going only in those aisles where we needed to pick up items.. but WHAM in living color there it is.. with a flashing neon sign that says eat me.. ( okay not really but well.. its like that) a new product.. the new product for me was by Lays.. it is a crispy light crackerish chip..
OH my stars, in cheddar cheese these things .. well.. I will say is that I threw out the bag.. thats how good they are.. I could not stop eating them at a serving.. In theory the serving size sounds wonderful.. but in reality .. its a handful and I have small hands.... In a short period of time I developed a strong relationship with the cheddar cheese variety .. the only way to stop it was to get rid of it.. so I booted them into the trash.... very huge trigger issue there for me.. Sometimes , I dont even understand my eating habits.. I can have a serving of wheat thins.. and be fine. I can have a serving of my favorite dessert and do the 4 bite method.. and be fine.. but every now and then I find a food.. that I just can not deal with? Does anyone else have this issue. This will be a snack that does not cross my doorstep again. I guess I thought they were going to be like wheat thins.. but apparently I was way off.. .. I still get a little surprised from time to time when I can not control myself.. It is one of those issues that will always haunt me I guess. Speaking of which.. Mom will be having heart surgery soon.. and this really has me concerned.. of course I am concerned for my mom.. but I also know what happened to me the last time she had heart surgery.. I stayed with mom at the hospital the night before the surgery and at 2 or 3 am when she was asleep I crept down to the cafetera vending machines and well.. lets just say I had a 8 course meal of Icecream sandwiches.. I had also just lost 50 pounds on nutri sytem.. that was the turning point where I began to eat and eat and eat and gain the weight back... I dealt with my moms begging my forgiveness that night by running downstairs and quelling my own guilt with food. SO what happens this go round..I guess I pray that I can be strong enough. I hope that I will be able to find support in those around me rather than in the misguided comfort of an icecream sandwich that will never say " Honi its okay" I pray for strength and mom's recovery. She goes to see the surgeon Friday the 18th of April.. I am guessing the surgery will take place shortly after that.. Its a bit more complicated this time.. but I would venture to guess yet again that after 20 years the techniques are more refined and hopefully the recovery is better.. thank heavens for my sweet husband.. he is going with mom for her surgery appointment so I dont have to miss work until her surgery time. ..
Well for a Monday thats were my head is at..
Wish me well
wish you well too


Natalie C. said...

That is some serious strong self-discipline to throw away the bag & recognize what was going on. Today I sort of had that happen with a candy bar (I was going all out, not even binging on lower cal. food). I ate 4!!! And I realized it was because I was upset about an issue I'm trying to get through with my husband. We have a good marriage, but my messed up mind says, "You're going to lose him." So I eat 4 candy bars. Then I beat myself up for days about it & it spirals downwards. Where is the answer?

buddha_girl said...

I will admit that I bought a bag of those suckers last week and made myself bring them to school so my cohorts would eat them as well. They are too damn delicious. Hateful suckers.

Your mom:
I'll pray that you can find solace in something other than food as her surgery date grows closer. There are few things in this world which comfort me more than food. I know that feeling too well. If you need anything, ask. Period. I'm here for you, Honi!

Chubby Chick said...

Oh my! I must NEVER buy those things! lol

I think the fact that you're already thinking about how you reacted with your mom's last surgery is a good sign that you will NOT react the same way this time. :)

Twix said...

Welcome back home!! I love wheat thins, I can't stop at certain things either. So your not alone. I think I would have done the same thing to. High five on tossing it out!! :D

Anonymous said...

Well done for throwing away those crisps! That's major. I too can relate and have certain trigger foods that seem to block out the brain for some reason and make me forget all my well laid out plans! It's ridiculous.

I think you are doing great by thinking ahead of how you are going to deal with your reaction to your mom's surgery! That's fantastic.

cadbury_vw said...

yeah - triggers

is it the food that triggers or the situation?

i just did a meat and carb binge (sliced pork on a bun)

that's my weakness

just had a stressful weekend with my Dad - after it was done i got alone - and boom - chowed down

my old standbys - spicy meat and multigrain bread of some kind


i hope that your Mom situation will turn out as best it can