Thursday, October 4, 2007


Not much going on rather than the usual... I did a little perusing today and it was pointed out to me to check out for some reason my blog is listed in that directory too.. not exactly sure how I got there but I guess thats okay... I prefer putting myself somewhere or if someone wants to link my blog to theirs I am fine with that.. Its just those big websites I am not to sure about.. oh well. its really not an issue.. I suppose the more people that read me the better.. right? normally on Fridays I post about my wanderings on the web... today I was at a little loss as to what to post so I decided to wander a bit today and see what i could find... here are some tidbits... if you type in FAT at google here is something rather sad and annoying : sometimes I have no idea why I click on stuff.. very pathetic indeed.. I thought at first it was a pro large size site.. but I was wrong. its one of many abusive expected the abusive sites are numerous... when you type in obese here is what you get.. information about obesity.. pictures of obese people and some odd looking creature... so forth...when you type in thin you get a lot of computer info and a new health care provider .. wahhh.. oh well thats weird...oh and you get a HBO special about dying to be thin..if you type in skinny one of the first websites that comes up is about skinny famous people.. WHO CARES ????? and also SKINNY COW.. one of my favorite dessert and treat lines by the way.. if you don't know about them they are wonderful for their frozen low fat novelties.. here is the link very yummy indeed.... my point.. where is the offensive stuff on thin or skinny people.. I see nothing.. nothing sad.. nothing really news worthy.. but when you type in FAT.. welcome to the world of hate...type in Fat People and it even gets worse... Okay I know I am being a bit obsessive about my latest sojourn out on the web and I should not be .. I know I know.. I just find this odd... We talked about anorexia not to long ago and the scarey links to the various clubs out there.. but none of those are far here was the only link I found when typing in Fat People that was justafiable and kind.. ohhh wait it from the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance that could explain it... do you see where I am walking towards..... this follows us.. this mocks us.. those that have accepted their size and are healthy but not losing weight.. those of us who do want to change.. and are working towards that goal daily.. those that do not give damn... those that give everything but stumble and trip and give up and come back.. and try and try again... I ask myself though it is not my business I know, what possesses a person to lower themselves for these photos.. I am not talking about the nice ones I talking about the sad ones.. the humiliating ones.. Okay .. I know.. perhaps that person in that photo does not care.. perhaps they see a way to make easy money.. perhaps they think they are beautiful .. I dunno and as I said before its not really my business I know.. but I just can not help but wonder.. you know.. why?

A large size person who is trying to make a difference in themselves battles the worst demons in themselves.. most of the time we berate ourselves for not fitting in that seat.. for taking up a bit more room.. praying to god that our ass does not knock over that valuable vase or glass work... A large person knows everything anyone might want to throw their way.. we know.. we lived it.. we live it..

As I have lost weight I still see myelf through fat eyes.. I doubt if I will ever see myself through healthy eyes.. I will deal with this the rest of my life but I will deal in better health.. even if I can not quiet see it.. even if my size 18s are too big.. even as I get into smaller size clothes.. I will have to work I will have to ebb and flow like the tide against the shore of my life.. as I still have much further to travel.. 50 more pounds to go...I will get there .. just like the rest of you. and maybe one day .. it will be harder to Google Fat or Fat People..

Wish me well

Wish you well too

1 comment:

Deb said...

I think I'm the same. I think I will always see myself as fat. I'm trying to lose that perception of myself but it sure ain't easy!