Monday, October 8, 2007

I am not just the sum of my pounds

Still talking to myself.. and asking am I suppose to feel proud that since January 22, 2007 I have lost nearly 30 pounds and maintained it for nearly 5 months as well . It took me 4 months before I hit the proverbial brick wall. I am riding it out.. no my eating has not been perfect. My exercise sporatic when I am usually in the low phases of pain. Should I be mad that I have not lost anything since May 10.. should I turn myself in to the fat police and get yelled at and told what a failure I am .. ( yeah thats going to motivate me all right.. motivate me all the way to a place I gave up a long time ago (OVEREATINGVILLE) ... should I view myself as a failure because I have not progressed.. ??? tell me what to do.. no you .. well you do not have to tell me what to do... I know whats right.. I know I need to feel proud that I have maintained this so far... ( that has never happened in my life .. its either lose weight or gain it right back no maintaining.. I might maintain when I am over eating but that is because the calorie count stays the same... ) well now.. thats the same with maintaining a weight loss .. hmmm.. yes ... that is what I am doing... maintaining for a length of time.. in a good way not a gaining way .. that is good.. I logged my calories today and if I eat everything I have planned I will eat 1355 calories today.. not bad... I still want to try and get back to 1200... i think with the exercising fiasco I am in.. that if I keep my calories closer to that mark I might see some more success before the wedding... So am I proud of myself.. hmm well I know I have dissapointed others... I know in other's eyes I am a failure again... but to me.. like my friend Scale Junkie said... I AM A SURVIVOR.. I can win.. just because things have stopped does not mean they have to go backwards.. they still can go forwards.. its just a matter of.. logging my food again .. religiously just like I used to do ( apparently this is a key for me and a useful tool.. it prevents me from increasing my portion sizes) and trying to do whatever I can to move.. exercise.. thats all I can do.. so .. to me.. I am not a dissapointment or failure... the hardest thing for me is being able to let go of what other people think of me.. even those that are closes to me.. even those who I would never dream of hurting or dissapointing... I am not just the sum of my pounds.. I am so much more... and losing or gaining weight should not be a sign of my character... I have a good character.. I have just struggled with this.. since I popped out into this planet.. thats all... there will be no quick fixes... no crash diets.. no crash anything.. no crash Honi...she is is still here.. I am still here..surviving...
well wish me well
wish you well too..


Chubby Chick said...

Awww... you are NOT a failure! You have lost a tremendous amount of weight... and keeping it off this long is a true mark of SUCCESS! Don't beat yourself up, girl. And try to not let the opinions of others get you down. It's none of their freaking business whether you lose or maintain. The only one that you have to answer to is yourself. And YOU know that you are making healthy choices in order for YOU to live a healthy life.

So just keep doing what you are doing. And regroup and refocus if that's what you need to do to see a loss. That's what I had to do today. And so far it's been working. (I'm keeping my fingers crossed. lol)

And thanks for the kind comment on my pic blog. I see that you do like Poo! I just noticed him here on your blog. Awww! lol

Lady T said...

thanks for popping by!

honi, you've got so many sites, i wasnt sure which one to visit, lol! i figured the one about health is a safe bet since i know very little of riding and your wedding site seems of the personal sort.

anywhooo, yes, yes, and yes again. why do we have to constanly remind ourselves that we are not failures for not continuing to lose? i dont know....i'm thinking bc weightloss is such a mind consuming thing. it consumes every aspect of my life when i'm doing it right...and when i switch gears and think of something else...nothing happens. at least i dont think anything is happening. i'm on a scale hiatus til next monday. but my clothes feel the same and all the dents and rolls are right where i left i think i'm in a state of maintenance as well. lol. though i've only been maintaining 2 or 3 weeks, so do i get a reward? can i feel a warming sense of satisfaction in myself?



Grumpy Chair said...

You should be very very proud of your weight loss and even more so of your maintenance.

Maintenance is so hard and that is where the real work begins. Not gaining the weight you lost back is a huge accomplishment.

Scale Junkie said...

You are a survivor! So you now know how to maintain, thats fabulous because thats what you want to do when you get to goal. So now its the time to kick yourself back into gear and start keeping that food log. I don't do WW but when I did they had the saying "if you bite it you write it" I have been using again and some times I found I was UNDER my calories and when you are under you don't lose either...its all about balance.

Celebrate the 30 pounds with a walk around the block! Put on the new attitude and cut out the stuff in your diet that doesn't belong and get back on that path to health!

WE are all here for you and cheering you on!!


Dee said...

Thank you for posting on my blog yesterday - I appreciate it. I'm just reading your blog and you are doing GREAT! Not gaining is fabulous and a great success. It is progress, if you don't gain anything back that you've lost , most definitely. Keep going girl.

Deb said...

What a great post!! I am right along with you. I have also hit a brick wall but I think taking pride in your success of losing AND maintaining is so important! I think it takes our bodies time to adjust to weight loss and maintain the loss is just as important as losing in the first place! You are such an inspiration!!