45

45 years ago November 1st 1962 I came to be. There I was in all my rolly polly glory.. alive and in this world. Round was my shape.. round is still my shape... I wonder how I got to be here.. not in the basic sense but .. more so.. how I got to this moment in my life. I battle the same self I battled when I was a child.. the self that always found comfort in food.. why am I still here.. in this shape.. why.. did I not learn anything years ago... why did not I not change then??



As a child no matter how badly I was tormented for being different.. for not being attractive.. for not fitting into the mainstream.. I thought when I became an adult I would be able to finally breath.. find a place of safety and just be me. but as I became an adult and aged into my mid 40s I realized nothing really changed.. sure.. maybe I am not getting pushed off school buses or being called names.. but I am still being judged.. is that what this is all about.. are we always judged no matter what ? even by those who should love us the most.. they cast their dissapointed eyes at you.. at me.. because.. sure .. once again we have let them down because we did not reach a goal.. they cast that weary gaze on us yet again on me yet again.... but do we give up on ourselves.. not me.. not ever.. because when all the dust has cleared... all I have is myself.. no one else.. and all you have is yourself.. so here I am at 45.. still alive.. very much alive.. getting ready to start a new year.. getting married ... and Getting my act together.. for myself.. for me.. make no mistake about it.. This will be my 45th year... not giving up.. not giving in.. right after the wedding back on my program with strength with a goal... my goal.. and I am typing this out loud now.. is to lose 50 pounds between November 2007 and November 2008.. It will be done.. it has to be done for me... only for me.. 45 will be about me.. reinventing me..

I was serious when I asked each of you to give me a birthday present... reinvent yourself.. be the woman .. or person you were meant to be on the outside as well as on the inside.. don't wait.. don't be 45 and still asking why.. be 45 and say look.. at .. me.. I did it.. ...if you are in your 40s.. or 50s or whatever age... you can do this.. you can reinvent.. but you must do it for one sole reason.. yourself.. no one else.. not so your husband will be more attracted to you.. not so your kids will want to play with you or that you can play with them.. on the surface those may be great motivators.. but in the soul.. in your soul.. weight loss.. for the rest of your life.. has to be about one person.. and that is you... that is me....

FOR ME this is how 45 looks.

PS.. thanks for those wonderful Birthday wishes.. !!!!

PPS.. did you know foundation garments are not as bad as they used to be.. I used to hate that stuff.. my mother used to force me to wear a girdle growing up.. I just got the Curvation tummy shaper cami and bra.. love it.. did not like the thigh shaper uncomfortable.. but Hanes has 2 news ones that are panties and combined with the curvation its some nice light smoothness.. LOVE IT.. oh my god.. I am so old.. I just said I like foundation garments .. whats.. thats bizzare lol... hey any advice on foundation garments.. send it my way.. lol...

Wish me well

Wish you well too...