Monday, June 4, 2007


STOP! LOOK BOTH WAYS AND LISTEN! fundemental rules we learn as a child.. to STOP and look both ways and listen before we cross the street. It is a rule that applies to everything we do in life.. We have to stop.. and see and listen to what is around us and not travel in this world oblivious to what is around us. Eating is the same way.. when we STOP and LOOK and Listen to ourselves we can achieve more. We can slay the dragon of over eating.. When we listen to our bodies.. when we slay emotional eating... and eat because are bodies are saying Please feed me.. .. when it is not your emotions saying.. feed my sadness, feed my hunger... etc.... Last night I watched Inside Brookhaven Obesity Clinic I searched for a link that would go directly to the clinic and could not find a website... I want to know more about his place.. research it.. and even email a staff or 2... I want to know why they do this.. what motivates them to help these people some of which don't appear to even want the help? Tonight I am going to watch BIG MEDICINE I want to know more... I want to ask questions... what brings people to this point.???. I can relate to so much of it.. and to me it is so heartbreaking some of the stories especially those at the Brookhaven clinic. I don't feel more motivated when I watch these shows at all.. If anything I feel sad. I want to know things.. I want to know how a person can consume 15,000 calories in one day? to me that would be physically impossible.. At my worst which put me well over 200 pounds I was consuming around 3000 calories a day... that totally baffles me .. when I heard them talking about that on Brookhaven last night I had to have Steve repeat it twice .. I thought I had heard it wrong.. but then Steve said something interesting... we had dinner last night at Subway.. we were both Starving and knew that if we did not eat.. RIGHT THEN it would be a disaster when we got home.... we were comparing calories with Big Macs etc.. and Steve pointed out that if a Big Mac or one of those other fast food places had sandwiches that could amount to over 1,000 calories.. well then it would be easy to consume 15,000 in a day.. well now wait.. u would have to eat roughly 15 of those sandwiches to do that.. or something in equal caloric amounts... whatever it was . and then it dawned on me.. by having no limits on food.. by eating and eating and eating.. that being your only activity... well then easily the pounds add up.. so what seems to be grotesque amounts of food really is easy to do I mean if you woke up and started eating and did not stop until bedtime.. or potty time.. well.. I guess you could consume that amount of calories..... Right now all of this is such an amazing parallel to me.. Here I am doing things via common sense, counting calories and working very hard to MOVE IT! MOVE IT !MOVE IT!... I have a very hard time with exercise and have to be careful lest I injure myself.. GEEZ it can be so frustrating.. my insides want to do so much but my body is not yeilding yet.. My doc says keep at it.. and keep trying that it will get easier... I suppose I thought walking in the grass this past Saturday was going to be easy.. of course when I stumbled (left ankle gave out foot pronated) geez.. I guess it will get better.. I do fine walking on a track and walking on smooth surfaces and even walking on some rocky surfaces.. but sometimes the ankles scream at me.. SCREW YOU I AM GIVING UP.. lol.. oh well... but at the very least I try and try and try.. its the same for those folks at Brookhaven and the folks shown on Big Medicine.. they try and try and try. for the Big Medicine people.. surgery is their only option .. I like that other doctors are on that team .. the doctors that can help with the real inside work.. the mental work .. the secret is healing the mental self and realizing that food can be a silent killer.

We can look around and see so many definitions of how we should do whatever to become healthier selves.. books, programs... etc.. but the deepest foundation is what we do with that information. For me that information leads me still on a quest to find my best self.. here is the kicker and I have said it time and time again.. that it will never end.. this quest to find my best self.. that it will be constantly changing.. which leads me to believe that the success rate of developing healthier eating habits and being a stronger self is more about the ability to be flexible and adaptable to change. Those of us that have been morbidly obese those of us that are obese or overweight must learn that there is no end.. .. that this is ever changing.. I think that when we all realize this.. that there will be less failure... What I am learning from reading various books.. is that adaptability seems to be the key.. In the beginning of my own journey I was hell bent on never eating the wrong thing.. then it dawned on me.. are there foods that may not be the best choice but can still be a choice if portion controlled and logged??? When we are on the bike.. and we are thirsty and hungry and lets say we stop at a SONIC ( or whatever fast food place) and there are no other choices around..that making the choice to have a jr. hamburger with just lettuce tomato and either ketchup or mustard.. is okay.. if I over estimate the calories .. record what I have eaten and work that into my calorie intake for the day... That the walls will not cave in and I will not gain 7,000 pounds ... Now also this is not an every day occurance either and when we are on the bike and fast food is the only option..( Every now and then we can find a Subway which is the best out of the lot ) I have to make choices.. ... instead of supersize me.. SMALL SIZE ME... .. or better yet share a hamburger with someone. I do that with Steve from time to time.. I will have a few bites to see me until I can get home and make easier choices. or like this past weekend I had the Jr. burger at a Sonic ..and it was okay.. I mean it felt okay .. I did not miss anything...I did not fall off the "wagon" persay... I made my choice.. it was not a bad choice.. I counted my choice and I survived.. We prefer to eat at home... and I still can not go into an Italian eatery yet... I prefer to make my pasta at home and make my pizza at home.. Maybe one day I will feel comfortable to go into one of those eateries but not yet... Its a strange place where I am at. Dealing with so much... learning so much... trying to really FINALLY understand and process all of this.. and make it all work for me. As I have said before it all comes down to that support system too.. My family and my friends ( including you guys) ..
I also want to thank you for your responses to my last post... It is hard to lose those friends who are having problems with the choices I am now making..... but I understand..
Wish me well
Wish you well..
Wish those folks at Brookhaven and Big Medicine well too.


Bethany said...

I think they were having some kind of marathon yesterday because I watched like five episodes.

I had planned to make my next Fit Friday post about these shows. For some reason I am fascinated by them.

Southern Fried Fatty said...

I watch those shows too and I cry too. I often wonder what separates me from them. When they talk about food, that is exactly how I feel about food. I think if I was alone all of the time, I could easily be like them (no one around waching me eat). I've always been able to get to a certain weight and then realize it is time to do something (too bad that weight isn't 120). I want to know what makes me stop and makes the people on TV keep on eating until they can no longer live a normal life. One thing that the shows make clear to me is that the people aren't big because they simply like food, they are big because they are trying to fulfill an emotional need that have yet to deal with other than eating. It upsets me to see diet commercials and all they talk about is eating prepackaged foods or taking pills. I think most overweight people have a problem with the mental aspects of eating, not what they need to eat. If it was that simple. we would all be skinny.

I watch the shows and think that I wish I could be their friend. That is corny I know.

Deb said...

Awesome post!! Yeah I have only watched 1 episode of Brookhaven and I too tried to find the clinic's website with no luck. You are completely right that with the food choices out there today if someone is inclined to eat all day it wouldn't be that hard to get to 15000 calories. Very scary and very sad! Thanks for the post!!

Jen said...

I actually recorded the marathon myself and plan to watch them over the course of the next week. There was a similar series on Discovery Health at one point that I was absolutely fascinated with and also motivated to write to...the stories just blew my mind. Also watched the first episode of Big Medicine last week, and Tivo'd this weeks (so it's waiting for me at home). I can't help it...I am so intrigued by these stories! It's nice to know I'm not the only one!

Hope you are well, Honi!