Friday, February 23, 2007


All men and women are born, live suffer and die; what distinguishes us one from another is our dreams, whether they be dreams about worldly or unworldly things, and what we do to make them come about... We do not choose to be born. We do not choose our parents. We do not choose our historical epoch, the country of our birth, or the immediate circumstances of our upbringing. We do not, most of us, choose to die; nor do we choose the time and conditions of our death. But within this realm of choicelessness, we do choose how we live. – Joseph Epstein


Most of my life I have chosen to use food as a comfort.. as a blanket as well.. Food has been my hiding place more often that not. I have had a great romance with food. A terrible hate relationship as well. When I was denied food, I found it and hid it in bedroom as a child. When I was told I could not have this or that… believe me I found a way. I was not trying to be malicious or anything.. it just never seemed fair to me that everyone could eat what ever they wanted .. but me. I can remember being in my early 20s and going to a nice restaurant for dinner with my family and friends... here I was a young adult.. and once again someone was deciding what I could eat and what I should not eat.. I had just lost 40 something pounds.. and had a good dinner.. well it was decided that a piece of pie would suffice as birthday cake.. someone brought the pie to the table and put a candle in it. Everyone else had dessert.. and I blew out my candle.. I went to lift my fork and have a bite of the pie.. and the pie was removed from my place setting.. I was so humiliated.. this person said to me.. Oh I did not intend for you to eat the slice of pie .. I just wanted you to get to blow the candle out.. Whether or not this person was trying to act in my best interest was of no value to me. Don’t put a slice of pie in front of me and not expect me to want a taste.. After the feelings of anger and embarrassment washed over me.. I remember just feeling disgusted. Not with myself.. because I had chosen to exercise self control and just have a taste.. but because once again someone in my life ( my mother is the someone for those enquiring minds) was deciding what I should and should not do… NOT only is food a choice but everything we do is a choice, As a young adult or older adult.. We are capable of making our own choices regarding what we do or do not put in our bodies.. We can choose to exercise. We can choose what our motivation is. We are free to make those choices. I wish when I was younger.. going back to when I was child and was put on a diet at 10 years old to lose 20 pounds.. I wish back then someone had given me a choice. Perhaps I would not be learning NOW… all of these things that I should have learned at a far younger age.. We can learn things at any age.. I know that.. But if I had been taught back then.. how to eat in moderation and been given desserts instead of given the "LOOK" .. If I had just been given food like other kids.. maybe it would have been nothing special.. perhaps I would not have focused on it. The most ironic thing now is that food is my therapy.. I dont view it as an enemy anymore or something I am not allowed to have.. I am learning that eating smaller portions and moving my body allows me the opportunity should I choose .. to have that damn piece of pie .. if I really wanted it.. and do you know something amazing.. I really do not want it.. Although I did kinda want the cinnamon rolls last night that my sweety was baking for a presentation today .. ( he is a food broker) .. We have a test kitchen in our downstairs area .. IF you guys saw what I live with on a daily basis.. I am sure you would freak out a bit... Downstairs are BOXES and I do MEAN BOXES of HONEY BUNS, CINNAMON ROLLS, cases and cases of COOKIES and Cakes.. and all kinds of bread dough.. HE gets samples all the time to bake off.. I came home last night and pulled into the garage and it was like heaven had opened up and given me the sweet smell of homemade bread and cinnamon rolls.. DID IT BOTHER me you might ask??? hmmm well only because I was hungry did it start to intice me.. I went upstairs and made my dinner and I was fine... I even came back downstairs and helped him package all the breads and rolls... Last nights cinnamon rolls ( these had to baked off and were not the pre packaged ones he has also) made the garbage because they did not bake correctly... I brought in all the left over bread to my boss.. ( she has a family of 7 to feed) this bread did not make the cut to go to the presentation..
So does all this food in the house bother me... NOPE... simply because thats a business downstairs. That is his business.. and thats what it is in my mind... This coming from a woman who used to have her own cookie company called A Taste of Honi... I did that in the early 90s ... and busted my butt with it too.. I loved doing it at the time. I sold to local coffee houses. That was a long time ago.. So back to the present and future..... Time to make choices.. healthy ones... Everything is about what we choose for ourselves
Wishing you good choices today....
Wish me Well
Wish you well too.
Until Next time…

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