Friday, July 4, 2008

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!! and a Migraine blechhhh

What does that mean to you? we are in an amazing country with freedoms galore.. yet when we really open our eyes.. we see that some of these freedoms have cost us dearly... the freedom to consume all the alcohol one wants..and not really caring about the consequences of said actions.. the freedom to over eat.. sometimes resulting in disaster for our health.. the freedom to over indulge in recreational drug use again not caring about any legal consequences or what said person is doing to his or her life. .. Freedom comes with challanging choices. When we make good choices.. life usually is a bit easier for us. When we make the wrong choices.. i.e. over indulging in anything... we might find the consequences a bit more than we expected.
My blog as we know is primarily about life and weight loss and the journey to good health. so I can speak about what I know about the freedom of choices when it comes to eating.
I wish I knew why food falls into so many catagories in my life... sometimes its my nemisis.. sometimes its just food.. sometimes its my friend... sometimes its how I express my creativity by creating a nutritiously sound meal. For while now I have struggled with this.. for along while.. okay.. for nearly 46 years.. I often wonder why did I pick food... I mean I could have been an alcoholic.. and one can live with out alcohol.. or I could have chosen drugs.. one can live with out those too.. yet for some reason I picked food..
~~~As a child that was were I found comfort . I think back and realize that food was always controlled in my life as a child and boy did I rebel anytime and anyway I could.. Sometimes I wish that the clock was turned back to when I was a child and I could whisper in my mother's ear as the adult that I am now.. and tell her.. Mom don't control her food.. don't put a focus on food... don't let Honi feel that she is less of a person if she is over weight and more of a good person.. more of an accepetable person if she is thin.. just let food be food... if she wants a piece of cake.. let her have it.. I have a funny feeling that she will only want one piece of cake.. not half it.. if she wants ice cream let her have a serving.. don't say no.. don't say You cant have that .. let her learn that food is food.. not a reward if she loses weight.. not a reward if she makes good grades.. not a blanket when she is scared and that she has to sneak.. because she can not have what she wants .. Let her learn the right things as a child.. because look at me.. and how I struggled.. look at me and how I struggle now. . one action can change her world... ~~~ There is no blame here .. let me remind you of that.. parents did what parents do.. the very best they can with the knowledge they have ...~~~
Sigh... but.. thats how this deck of cards were dealt .. I am this... an adult in midlife still fighting.. still warring and finding my way with food.. I don't binge anymore... I try not to over eat.. and I am work hard with portion control.. and I still have not mastered regular exercise however I am walking at least 2 times a week outside.. I just still have to do this.. I know..I know the my weak spots.. and I know it will be hard.. but I also know.. I can do this.. I know.. it is my freedom.. and it is my right..
I wish it was my right not to have these We were at Walmart last night and looking at the eggs and damned if I did not get an aura warning me that I was going to have a migraine... By the time we got home it was pumping up.. I tried in vain to ignore it.. I took my advil and BC pill like I do every night and got in bed.. but this beast was not going to be quiet.. it settled down for a bit but around what I am guessing was 3 or 4 am It got to the point of me waking Steve up crying... it was horrible I almost had him take me to the ER.. but my sweet sweetie rubbed my back and head and just talked to me.. I got up and got a cold compress.. I had the worst time navigating my way to the bathroom ( had to tinkle too) but I got back to the bed and put the cold cloth on my head and Steve kept rubbing my head too... eventually I dozed off.. Now I just have that rotten hangover.. Monday I am calling the doctor.. seems I am getting these now on average of once a month.. Steve feels this one too was brought on by odd lighting.. he said the lighting at the dairy case and egg case was sort of weird he even noticed it.. so he thinks the frequency might have sparked this one.. I was having such a fun night too.. we had gone for a motorcycle ride.. gone out to dinner.. and now we were picking up odds and ends for the 4th... for today... well I am okay now.. but this is getting pretty annoying..if you get migraines how do you treat them.. I had them in my late teens and early 20s.. then got a a few in my 30s and now in my mid 40s they are back with avengence...
Wish me well
Wish you well too


Anonymous said...

It seems there is so much baggage for most of us related to food. Usually nothing extreme, but that we find all sorts of things in food besides nourishment. Eating to nourish our bodies instead of our spirits seems so commonplace. How do we break those ingrained habits? They aren't just ours, they're social. Why is food so central to all of our lives? Our social gatherings? Our feelings of personal security and comfort?

Katschi said...

Honi, I hope you have a peaceful, happy holiday!
If we keep plugging away at it, we'll find our freedom from the extra weight. In the meantime....PARTY!!! :)

Ann(ie) said...

oh I SOOOOOO feel your pain. My migraines are picking up, too. They are not once in a blue moon anymore. They are every month or every other month and they are just the WORST!!! I have an appt with a headache clinic in Sept (soonest they could get me in) Steve handles them beautifully. Is he for hire for my next one? hehe. Mateo sleeps like a rock.
Happy 4th girlie.

Cammy said...

I'm so sorry your evening was spoiled with the rotten migraine! I do think there's something to the flicker frequency of certain lighting. It even gives me a headache sometimes, but nothing approaching what you experienced. Hope you feel even better soon!

buddha_girl said...

Hope the migraine has abated! Awful stuff.

Like you, even though it's not as bad as it used to be, I will readily admit that food is sometimes a fight for me because it's such an EASY way to comfort myself.

Day by day. That's all I can say. Seek out other comforts. Easy to say, tough to do. Just little steps. You already have the insight and introspection. Keep plugging along, my friend.

Laura said...

Hope the migraines get better. Heres to a good week with a clear head!

Ranaesheart said...

If there is any good news to migraines, it is that they become less frequent as you age ... only have them now if all 3 triggers are in place.

You have a wonderful handle on the food aspects and the success of a parent. My mom actually feels guilty about feeding me so much as I was a "night baby" (awake at night) and they fed me to comfort me so I would sleep.

You are insightful and you are doing very well ... just keep rewarding yourself with things other than food and continue to tell yourself food is for nourishment. Now, that said, nourishment can taste good ... lolll I now substitute different behaviors in place of food ... lonely - go seek the company of friends ... sad - go do something fun or walk in nature.

GREAT job with your posts and you visions!!! Very, very well done!!!

Anonymous said...

I hope you've had a lovely 4th of July and your weekend was migraine-free!

GirlTrueHeart said...

It is the lights for me without question. I hope you find some relief sweetie. My family force-fed me as a child. I know how you feel so much. and we both know it isn't our place to assign blame anymore; we just have to deal with the hand we've been dealt. But at least we have insight to ourselves as a result.