BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS

By the time you read this I will be waiting on my mom to come through surgery or at least waiting for her to go in surgery.... She had that heart cath yesterday and there are no blockages which is great news.. They will replace the old valve and repair the aeortic valve and then all she has to do is recover.
I am nervous.. I am worried.. I am concerned. This time it is so different. Dad is not here.. the surgery is better which is good. Mom is older which might not be so good. Mom is in great health otherwise which is very good. Mom still battles with being a positive person prefering to see the dark before the light, the worst before the best. My mom is the type that would call you and say .. IS ANYTHING ALL RIGHT? that is actually part of an old joke.. but it applies to my mom very well. She is surrounded by family and friends and good thoughts.. I anticipate her full recovery.. Not sure how things will go though has she threw a fit at the mere mention of a nurse for when she comes home.. she does not want a stranger in her house. So right now my life is on hold until she comes through all of this.
We met with the doctor last night .. he said out of 10 points mom has 9.5 of the good points to have a successful surgery.. He almost was ready to cancel it however because naturally mom sees the worst... HE was very honest with her and told her now that the Valve that was used in the first surgery is leaking severely. That if she did not have the surgery that she would go into heart failure and then it is too late.. so what he was saying is now is the time to have the surgery. Then he told instead of the surgery being in the morning it would be around 2ish or 3... she was not happy about that at all.. Then he told her that due to her age she might need rehab after surgery which I think is great and I have heard many senior adults go for surgery to a rehab facility then when they come home they are in great shape.. she however hears .. I AM GOING TO HAVE A TERRIBLE HORRIBLE SURGERY AND I HAVE TO GO TO REHAB AND I AM ALL ALONE.. even with a room full of family .. she thinks she will be alone.. yes through the surgery she is in the doctors hands... then she might have to go to a facility to get her preped and up for coming home.. Mom never sees the positive and the doctor told her she needs to be positive that being negative is only going to make it harder on her recovery.. she hears I am going to HAVE A HARD RECOVERY .. shesh.. You guys after thursday when everyone goes back to their lives I have a feeling I am going to be in hell with my mother... the good thing is that I am far more tougher on my mom than my sisters.. I do not coddle my mom.. I walked into the room last night at the hospital and on each arm a granddaughter is lightly rubbing her arm.. Mom looked like one of those queens being fanned by palm leaves and you know .. she ate it up.. I give her a kiss.. and tell her to suck it up.. and do what the doctor says.. that she is in good hands but she must listen!.. and do what he says.. Mom looks around the room for sympathy .. Look .. I know she is scared... but I just do not take the Bullshit.. the babying.. being not so nice to her works far better than petting her.. Maybe I am a bad daughter that way.. frankly I dont have that type of relationship with mom... Someone said it best to me this morning.. perhaps if she had treated you a little different growing up.. and even now.. perhaps if she were nicer... you would treat her differently.. I suppose.. Fact.. here we are at the hospital.. fact this afternoon they are cracking her chest open for the second time.. Fact they are replacing her former new valve with another tissue valve.. and doing some other repair work... Fact.. its in the doctors and Gods hands... So much from mom land for now...
I woke up yesterday with a migraine and took the new drug.. it seems to help.. it takes you from the aurora to the hangover from the headache which is cool in that you do not go through the horrible bad pain.. its aborts it.. you have some pain but it lasts for about 20 minutes or so and then you are kinda loopy feeling.. and it gets a little better through out the day.. I was mostly light and sound sensetive yesterday... Well here we are in today.. waiting.. say a little prayer for mom if you have minute please..
I do hope my next post will be about her speedy recovery and healing.. or at last that she came through the surgery fine and is doing well.. Will post again as soon as I can.
Until then...
Wish us all well!