I HAVE AN ISSUE

NO SHIT HONI !! (don't you love when I start talking to myself via my blog.. thats a weird issue in and of itself) ... Obviously I have a food issue.. otherwise this blog would have never been born... so you might ask me what I am going to do.. I am going to.. I dunno what the hell i am going to do.. I love WW online.. but I also love Calorie count.com.. Calorie-count.com is free.. WWonline is 16 bucks a month.. how much is 16 bucks a month.. hmmm 4 bucks a week.. should I stop WW online.. its only 4 bucks a week.. for now I am going to keep doing that and try to log my food .. right now I am just not into it.. I have so much business to do.. I am lucky I have the time to .. well you know...
I am just at a quandry right now.. I know I want to to lose weight .. I feel it in my bones.. and I am eating pretty good.. I just do not want to do the leg work that goes with it.. i.e. logging food.. I am tired of monitoring myself.. but lets call it .. what it is.. when I monitor myself.. I succeed.. right?! of course right.. I know the answer to that one.. so the answer is .. get my fucking ass in gear and log food.. and for once make time at the end of the day before I go home and go to the gym.. for a swim or to walk on the track.. or ride a bike.. ITS NOT COMPLICATED HONI >> DO IT DAMN IT!.. uhmm sorry .. talking to myself again...
Well I just nuked a baked potato for lunch.. gonna go eat..
and think.. and visit some blogs..
This is Honi for a Thursday.. and I am outta here!
If you have a minute check out my blog for my folks.. I am posting there too.. www.ruthieandsidney.blogspot.com
Wish me well
Wish you well too

BUT FIRST A RANT ohh and now there is MUSIC AGAIN TOO

SO today eating is a non issue.. lets just rant. okay wait.. uhm.. I am going to Rant first then talk about well.. whatever I want to talk about.. so there....
Honi's Rant
IF you drive a car or truck or whatever your mode of transportation.. LEARN how to DRIVE THE DAMN THING RIGHT...
GO the speed limit
IF a big fedex truck is in front of you going 20 miles an hour and you can pass him.. Please pass him because apparently my trying to send you telepathic messages 2 cars back was not working... YOU CAN PASS A CAR when its clear to do so on a two lane road that does not have solid lines at various parts of the road!!!!
Mr. or Ms. Fedex Driver DO NOT GO FAST in the areas of the road one can pass you and SLOW in the areas one can NOT pass you..
LADY in the black car on her cell phone, When the road splits into 3 lanes.. one to turn right , one to turn left and one to go straight .. USE YOUR FUCKING INDICATOR so I dont lollygag behind you thinking you are going straight and miss the damn light all because you are too retarded to fully get in the right turn lane or use your indicator so I know what the hell you are doing!!!! You do not own the roadway..
There now I feel much better and can start talking about other things..
Let's all close are eyes.. and turn back the clock.. years and years ago when we first decided that food would be our comfy blanket.. see the swiggly lines as you drift back in time hear the chimey music as you watch the swiggly lines .. I can only tell you what I see..I see a little girl.. round.. Mom decided she needed to lose weight so food was taken away.. diets started.. but some how food just always seemed .. to be a blanket.. it seemed to make the friendless world a little bit more warm.. sweet things.. doughy things was all it took to soften the daily lonelynessses.. thats what I remember.. 45 years old and the better part of those years spent being large.. fighting to find clothes that fit.. fighting to find ways to be semi attractive.. fighting for ways not to be seen.. but my size prevented me from being invisible.. these thoughts run through my mind.. as a beginning point of the abyss I threw myself in...and now I am still working 45 years later to pull myself free.. I can never go back and fix all the things in my life I may not have done right.. I can not correct overeating from the past.. but I can control the right now and have a plan for the future.. as we all can.. SO where did it start for you.. as a child.. like me.. or as a teen or adult... ?
Regardless of how it all started for you or whatever the sum of your pounds.. I wish you well as you journey forth..
Wish me well too!
That's it for Wednesday..
PUT MY MUSIC BACK ON MY BLOG.. FIRST SONG IS BY LINDA EDER.. ITS ONE OF MY FAVORITES..
I ALSO INCLUDED THE GONNA FLY NOW.. ROCK THEME.. LOL
AND THE CHICKEN FAT SONG JUST BECAUSE THAT SONG MAKES ME LAUGH
AS WELL AS A COUPLE OTHER SONGS I JUST LIKE..

BREAKFAST IS ALWAYS A MUST

In an ideal world, we could all have a big family breakfast, loaded with fresh fruit, fresh skim milk, warm oatmeal or scrambled eggs and fresh whole wheat bread.. but in our hapazard world of drive throughs and Starbucks it is important to always remember Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It gives you fuel and energy. Even if you are in a rush .. certain breakfast bars can give you a healthy and tasty start start to the day. In my Brand aids news letter, it discussed the 11 healthiest breakfast bars..http://www.ebrandaid.com/ great website to peruse and register for newletter too.. My breakfast is usually oatmeal during the week and eggs and toast or a bagel on weekends..
Keeping it short and sweet
for a Tuesday
Wish me well
Wish you well too

Monday

Am busy at work but wanted to stop in and say hi.. things are okay..weight.. well I went through a week of not giving a damn .. no excuses or reasons.. I just did not give a damn.. am getting a grip .. though so that is good. Started logging my food intake again today on WW online.. hell if i am paying for it you bet I am going to use it! .. and trying to remotivate myself.. ..
Wish me well
Wish you well too

NEW BLOG SET UP

I have created a new blog page in memory of my mom and dad.. if you get a minute please stop by for a visit... http://ruthieandsidney.blogspot.com/
Wish me well
Wish you well too

IF WE ONLY KNEW

Sometimes I ask myself.. what if we knew when the end of our days on earth would be.... I have often wondered this but never so much as I do now....
I wonder what any one of us would do differently .. Would we live more piously... would we be more patient... would we be more kind... would we take more risks... would we finally manage our health in a proper way .. taking the leap knowing our time is limited? Ironically enough, our time is limited.. but since we do not have the final date... it does not appear that time is that stacked against us... In our youth.. we flit about.. sometimes gaining perspective at an early age what life and death really mean... we do not see the finite we see the infinite... so we continue tasting all the flowers in the garden.. moving from one adventure until the next.. then we grow up.. (sometimes) and we face the world in all its cruel cold glory... inking out our lives on onion skin paper a droplet at a time... dotted with family and friends.. generation after generation not knowing what the end brings...
What if though? on the day you were born an expiration date is tattooed on your tush. You don't think much about it through out your younger days.. yet one day as you approach adulthood and you notice that Saturdays do not linger like they used too.. and Sundays seem to go by even quicker.. you notice that expiration date ... Here is where you say to yourself.. Oh my gosh .. I have to get busy.. there is so much I have not done.. so much that needs to be prepared... and now I have X number of days left.. how will I fill them ? Will they be virtious? Will they be spent being a free spirit and seeing as much fo the world as I can.. ? Will I concentrate on my family and then my friends..the days are dwindling what shall we do.. what shall I do...? makes me think..
I would just be who I am .. and with all my human flaws.. thats the best that I could be.. as the days dwindle down.
I am going to create a memorial online to my folks.. this way I can bring Healthy Honi back to the format I want... I hope you might stop over there when I create it. It mostly will be in pictures..
Wish me well
Wish you well too...

WHAT I WISH

I am working hard to put things in perspective.. its a slow and long process.
Sometimes I think there is a place to put all this emotion.. but then it runs free through me.. and the tears comes..
I wish I had been a better daughter
I wish I had been more compassionate
I wish I had held my mothers hand more instead of pulling away sometimes.
I wish I had hugged her more
I wish I had not let her aggrevate me so.
I wish I had been more understanding of how lonely she was.
I wish that I had done more out of love and less out of obligation.
I hope that she understood that I do and did love her.
I wish that I had just had a little more time to make things better.. you can never really make things right but you can always make things sweeter and better.
I wish I had spent more time with her the day of her surgery.
I wish I had been in the room more holding her hand
She had plently of people around her and was never alone..
I just wish it had been me..
These are wishes I will never see come true.. for there is no more time .. to fix or alter them.. so somehow I just have to find a place to set them free.
Maybe there is one wish that can come true.. that eventually I will find a place for any guilt I might feel for the things I did not do exactly right.. .. .. thats what I wish...
Wish me well
Wish you well too..

IT IS NOT EASY

Hi .. I am trying to get a bit of myself back... but its hard.. it is hard to think 1 week ago we buried mom... just hard is all.. I also have Costochondritis so my chest and sternum really hurt.. it can mimic a heart attack but is inflamation of the connective tissue of the ribs... u treat it with ibuprofen .. so thats what i am doing... Otherwise just breathing.. I promise I will be back in full force soon.. have faith in me!
Wish me well
Wish you well too

Hi

Just wanted to let everyone know I am still breathing... trying to work on things before I go back to work... just very hard right now..
I should be back soon.. posting as normal. am going to visit blogs later today or this evening.. I miss you guys and thank you so much for your caring during this horrible time..
With Love,
Honi

TO EULOGIZE MY MOM

HERE IS THE EULOGY I GAVE YESTERDAY IN FRONT OF OVER 200 PEOPLE FOR MOM ...

(my mom thought no one would be there)
We are the ones left behind who have the difficult road. Our mom exited this world surrounded by most of the people she loved and who loved her. There were kisses and promises…. I love yous.. a special hand squeeze each of us knew. Only, at that time , we thought we were just saying good bye.. because she was going to have heart surgery to repair and replace tissue and then over time she was suppose to be fine.. She was suppose to be back with us.. She was suppose to be in this very room on Rosh Hashanah and stand up during the prayers for those having survived illness or accident for that year… She had plans.. and sometimes.. well.. sometimes things.. don’t exactly go as we have planned.
Over the last couple days Steve keeps telling me how much he enjoyed being with mom.. for the last 8 years not only was she a friend she was a mother to him… . I can tell you that mom felt exactly the same way about him.. he was her son. Both of my brother in laws , Harold and David.. though separated by miles felt the same connection with mom.
Steve would often tell me regardless of any challenges how much he just really enjoyed talking with her.. often times he was the one on the phone with her inviting her to spend the night and have brunch with us and go the flea market… Hardly a weekend went by especially after Dad’s death that she was not with us at some point.. be it for a dinner out on Friday night or a brunch on Sunday.. We knew how lonely mom felt .. and Steve and I hope that in some form.. we helped relieve some of that loneliness and darkeness for her.
Uncle Rhodes and I were talking about Mom and what a good and generous person she was. He spoke about how mom was so thoughtful and always called to remind him about his parents Yartziets so he would be sure to go to shul. He commented on how Mom loved the temple and would go to Minyan twice a week. Manon and Uncle Rhodes are very thankful for spending time with Mom during Jennifers graduation from pharmacy school. He talked about how proud mom was of her grand children and how dedicated she was to her family. Uncle Rhodes believes that Mom and Dad are together and watching over us all and wishing us good health and happiness.. I sure hope so….
I keep seeing Mom at Steve’s and my wedding.. I keep wishing I could go back to that moment.. even before the actual wedding when we were putting the hospitality bags together or picking out things.. or discussing things.. If I could just go back.. with her… Our wedding day…where this room was filled with joy instead of this sadness.. But being here is fitting.. .. right here so much of her life took place. From her youth .. to singing on this bimah.. to the consecrations, bat mitzvahs, comfirmations and to the marriages of 2 of her daughters. In this room she also mourned the loss of her parents, her brother ,her friends and husband her life today comes full circle here. ..
Today , we start saying goodbye to her physically… Our mom… . She loved musical theatre and performed in many local shows. Gifted with a beautiful voice she entertained many through out the years and sang at many weddings and bar mitzvahs..
But that was not all there was to Ruthie Mazer .
Ruthie Copeland met Sidney Mazer at young age and married him when she was 18 years old. That marriage produced 3 daughters, Susan , Davida and the one that was suppose to be the boy.. me Honi. Mom shared her musical love with us at a young age.. I was probably the only 4 year old that actually knew who Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett and Sergio Frankie were and preferred them to the current music of the time. Through out the years raising her girls. She performed in local theatre and many evenings as children for us were spent walking around the backstage area during rehearsals at the JCC during those years.
Mom loved her family . Her pride and joy Grandaughters, Jennifer, Ari and Hannah always knew how to make their Bubbe happy simply by just being around her.. and well.. Going shopping.. Mom loved to shop.. but I think she had more fun buying for others more so than buyng for herself.
Mom was a good heart.. though sometimes the words might have gotten lost in translation… her spirit and her soul… well let me tell you there was none finer. She was an amazing woman.. who wanted everyone to be happy . Before Moms surgery on Tuesday she said to us.. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEARTS.. so today I am passing that vital message along to you.. PLEASE take care of your HEARTS not only the one that beats with in .. but the one that beats around you.. those you love, your family and your friends.

THIS BLOG WILL BE GOING BLACK FOR A WHILE

MY MOTHER PASSED AWAY TODAY

JULY 15, 2008

BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS

By the time you read this I will be waiting on my mom to come through surgery or at least waiting for her to go in surgery.... She had that heart cath yesterday and there are no blockages which is great news.. They will replace the old valve and repair the aeortic valve and then all she has to do is recover.
I am nervous.. I am worried.. I am concerned. This time it is so different. Dad is not here.. the surgery is better which is good. Mom is older which might not be so good. Mom is in great health otherwise which is very good. Mom still battles with being a positive person prefering to see the dark before the light, the worst before the best. My mom is the type that would call you and say .. IS ANYTHING ALL RIGHT? that is actually part of an old joke.. but it applies to my mom very well. She is surrounded by family and friends and good thoughts.. I anticipate her full recovery.. Not sure how things will go though has she threw a fit at the mere mention of a nurse for when she comes home.. she does not want a stranger in her house. So right now my life is on hold until she comes through all of this.
We met with the doctor last night .. he said out of 10 points mom has 9.5 of the good points to have a successful surgery.. He almost was ready to cancel it however because naturally mom sees the worst... HE was very honest with her and told her now that the Valve that was used in the first surgery is leaking severely. That if she did not have the surgery that she would go into heart failure and then it is too late.. so what he was saying is now is the time to have the surgery. Then he told instead of the surgery being in the morning it would be around 2ish or 3... she was not happy about that at all.. Then he told her that due to her age she might need rehab after surgery which I think is great and I have heard many senior adults go for surgery to a rehab facility then when they come home they are in great shape.. she however hears .. I AM GOING TO HAVE A TERRIBLE HORRIBLE SURGERY AND I HAVE TO GO TO REHAB AND I AM ALL ALONE.. even with a room full of family .. she thinks she will be alone.. yes through the surgery she is in the doctors hands... then she might have to go to a facility to get her preped and up for coming home.. Mom never sees the positive and the doctor told her she needs to be positive that being negative is only going to make it harder on her recovery.. she hears I am going to HAVE A HARD RECOVERY .. shesh.. You guys after thursday when everyone goes back to their lives I have a feeling I am going to be in hell with my mother... the good thing is that I am far more tougher on my mom than my sisters.. I do not coddle my mom.. I walked into the room last night at the hospital and on each arm a granddaughter is lightly rubbing her arm.. Mom looked like one of those queens being fanned by palm leaves and you know .. she ate it up.. I give her a kiss.. and tell her to suck it up.. and do what the doctor says.. that she is in good hands but she must listen!.. and do what he says.. Mom looks around the room for sympathy .. Look .. I know she is scared... but I just do not take the Bullshit.. the babying.. being not so nice to her works far better than petting her.. Maybe I am a bad daughter that way.. frankly I dont have that type of relationship with mom... Someone said it best to me this morning.. perhaps if she had treated you a little different growing up.. and even now.. perhaps if she were nicer... you would treat her differently.. I suppose.. Fact.. here we are at the hospital.. fact this afternoon they are cracking her chest open for the second time.. Fact they are replacing her former new valve with another tissue valve.. and doing some other repair work... Fact.. its in the doctors and Gods hands... So much from mom land for now...
I woke up yesterday with a migraine and took the new drug.. it seems to help.. it takes you from the aurora to the hangover from the headache which is cool in that you do not go through the horrible bad pain.. its aborts it.. you have some pain but it lasts for about 20 minutes or so and then you are kinda loopy feeling.. and it gets a little better through out the day.. I was mostly light and sound sensetive yesterday... Well here we are in today.. waiting.. say a little prayer for mom if you have minute please..
I do hope my next post will be about her speedy recovery and healing.. or at last that she came through the surgery fine and is doing well.. Will post again as soon as I can.
Until then...
Wish us all well!

ILLUSIONS and My Trivia

Sometimes I think that if I do not go online and check my bank account.. then .. well as long as I don't see that I am broke. I really am not broke.. right?
Sometimes I think that if I just ignore someone who annoys me that they will fall off the face of the earth.. sadly that usually does not happen..
Sometimes I think that if I do not get on the scale then I do not have a weight issue and am perfectly healthy and normal.. until I pass a mirror and suddenly get a rude wake up call..
When I was a kid I thought I invented Cheese burgers from Burger in a Hurry with just ketchup and orange soda to drink... why??.. well no one i knew ate or drank that.. so I must have invented it right???
When I was a kid I thought that all the people on television went to sleep when I turned the tv off.. consequently I broke the knob off the old black and white tv in my bedroom due to the fact I kept turning the tv off and on.. 3 channels I checked them all repeatedly.. lol
When I was a kid I had wallpaper in my room.. blue and purple tulips.. that if you squinched your eyes a certain way looked profiles of monster faces.. I wondered if they talked while I was asleep..
When I was a kid I thought all my dolls suddenly came to life when I would go to sleep.. therefore I tried to stay up all night.. or I carefully placed them around the bedroom ( this would freak me out on occassion if anyone came in my room and moved things around during nap or bedtime..)
When I was a kid I really thought it was cool when my sisters would put all the Barbie dolls in the red convertible Barbie car and smash them into the wall and the dolls would all go flying out.. lol
When I was a kid I would collect Holly Berries and acorns and pretend they were Barbie food..
When I was a kid I cut off the hair on My Chrissy doll.. I wanted to know if she really would grow more hair or not if I pressed her belly repeatedly. Sadly there was not an endless hair supply... I also had her cousin Velvet too..
When I was a kid I used to love taking apart transistor radios piece by piece.. of course I never could put them back together again.. this got me into trouble more than once..
When I was a kid my two favorite cereals were PUFFA PUFFA RICE and QUISP until my mother decided I could not eat these anymore and switched me to Puffed rice and Puffed wheat.. no sugar.. yeah I was happy .. whoo friggin hoo..
When I was a kid my favorite Tv shows were:
THE BRADY BUNCH heck someone still loves them they have a website
THE PATRIDGE FAMILY they also have a website sheesh
Little House on the Priarie
I LOVE LUCY yes i still watch it on TVLAND
HR PUFFINSTUFF
BUGALOOS
alright I loved most everything from SID AND MARTY KROFT as a kid..
Yeah I had a pretty phsyicadelic imagination back then.. no drugs needed ...
Okay thats my trivia for the day..
Wish me well
Wish you well too

STEALING FROM A FRIEND

Curvy Girl always has such great food ideas.. yesterday she posted her favorite things list.. so I am stealing sort of.. I am going to post my favorites

HONI'S FAVS:

MOST FAVORITE MEAL:

GENERAL FAVS:

LOVE TO ADD A LITTLE LIGHT BLUE CHEESE DRESSING TO THE LETTUCE WEDGE OR STEVE LIGHT RUSSIAN DRESSING YUMMY..

WISHING YOU ALL A GREAT WEEKEND

GOING TO BE SPENDING TIME WITH MY FAMILY THIS WEEKEND..

WISH ME WELL

WISH YOU WELL TOO

THURSDAY ALREADY

Okay is it hot here.. my dogs won't even go outside.. its like .. run out to the grass.. do your business and run right back inside and plop down on the wood or tile floor and find the air condition vent and lay by it all day...
It is Thursday.. A step closer to the weekend.. and a step closer to Mom's surgery ..
she had a great Wednesday..... fairly postive and planning to go to at least one out of state bar mitzvah in Sept.. she has one to go to in August but we are not sure the doctor is going to let her go a month out of her surgery but I am sure 2 months out it will not be a problem... She is so excited about that trip.. she is going to the bar mitzvah in NJ and then one of my cousins is going to spend the day with her in NY city and she loves going to New York so today she has something to look forward too.. just hoping this helps carry her a bit.. lord knows I have tried everything from talking about her grand daughters up coming high school graduation next spring, to her other granddaughter up coming wedding in the fall of 2009 .. to the various Bar Mitzvahs in between.. anything thats a party or celebration.. I have been trying to get her to focus on .. with little or no success until yesterday.. thats it from the Mom front..
I read a post from my friend Scale Junkie and it really hit home with me .. this was couple days ago and I have been mulling things over in my mind..
I found this great article .. here is a clip from it.. its an older article but still very current:

For successful weight management be more flexible--and forgiving--and try these strategies:
Get real. Set realistic and achievable goals. Accept that the extra weight did not show up overnight and will take time to shed. The American Dietetic Association recommends a weight loss of about 2 pounds per week.
Get an attitude adjustment. Forget "ideal" weight. Think long term. Focus on being healthy rather than thin.
Get moving. Eat less, exercise more. Exercise does not have to be regimented or all done in one session. Begin by trying to accumulate about 30 minutes of activity into each day. Turn off the TV; take the stairs; park your car farther away; chase your cat! Take baby steps in making these changes. You will retain your muscles and bones by taking it slowly and you will be more likely to continue with your plan and less likely to feel burned out.
Get control. Make sure you include the foods and activities you enjoy in your plan. The less deprived you feel, the more likely you are to succeed.
~Remember, weight loss is not a light bulb... there is a lot of room for flexibility, if we allow it~

I have had rough day eating wise not horrible just not as perfect as need be.. but thats okay.. its done and over.. I have got the right destiny in mind..

Okay what I am about to say now will make no sense unless you think like me.. and if that is the case.. you might want to seek psychiatric intervention lol.... I will not mention a name because God only knows whose eyes see this blog so I don't want to embarass anyone including myself.. so I am just going to start like this.. uhmm ever do something you wish you had not done but curiousity got the best of you so you do it anyway and then you end up creeping yourself out because you did it in the first place and you really wish you had not done it and really did not mean to do it because that was not your original plan in the first place.. sigh.. okay here is what I did.. I was screwing around with my Facebook page.. then I decided.. hmm lets go to my Myspace page .. we never check it out anymore.. well while there for some odd reason I start typing in names.. At facebook I was looking to connect with former folks I went to boarding school with so I had been typing in names there.. and did not think twice about it.. anyhow I was doing the same on Myspace and on a whim I typed in someone's name from my past and damned if this page did not come up.. there that name was.. and a picture too.. it was there in oddly living color.. it was wierd.. cringe worthy that I could find that person that quickly by just typing in the name .. If you want to know the whole story email me and I will tell you.... one of those still alive mistakes from the past. which i guess we all make.. now granted I wish this person no ill will mind you.. okay maybe I do just a tiny bit ( ASSHAT OWES me a VERY LARGE SUM OF MONEY) .. seriously it is nice to see that this person has a decent life now I guess .. I hope anyone this person comes in contact with .. well I hope they don't get suckered like me.. oh well.. the past is the past I always say.. and what I have now is a far cry away from what I had in those days.. I am far richer than any amount of money could ever provide.. and I know that and trust me I thank God every day for the life I have now.. okay enough rambling.. whats done is done.. this is the here and now...

I wish all of us much luck on our journeys..

I wish us much strength and the knowledge to be flexible and understanding with ourselves.. None of us are failures.. we just are finding our way..

Wish me well

Wish you well too..

LINKIN' LOGGIN' WEDNESDAY

Some great links for Wednesday
Eating for good skin
Refueling food
Walking tips and tools
Great Grilling recipes
Roasted tomatos
SNACK AISLE

Stuff I like :
SAY YES
YES PLEASE
SO YUM PLEASE
BEST WATER BOTTLE EVER
Stuff I do not like:
SAY NO
MAY BE TASTY BUT TOO SWEET
WHO STOLE THE FIBER
Keeping it real and short
Kinda quiet today nothing really new to report...
Wish me well
Wish you well too

SO HERE IS HOW IT GOES

DOCTOR:
ODDLY ENOUGH I WAS WEIGHED.. I HAVE LOST 10 POUNDS IN 2 MONTHS. I AM OFFICIALLY 182.00 Not any of that other crap as of late.. My scale makes me weigh 6 pounds more than I do. Steve wants me to send the scale back if it is that far off and can not be recalabrated. I weighed 182 at 4pm and fully clothed minus shoes at the doctors office yesterday and at 530 pm I weighed 188.5 at my house.. HELFUKINNO... lol.. something is wrong... so I go see the doctor the first week in September.. I might not weigh again until then .. or I might just use this scale and monitor myself from time to time.. this truely shows me how absurd the scale can be.. My doc high fived me for the weight loss lol... okay next on the agenda..
Migraine news.. he put me on a disolvable pill i place on my tongue the minute an aura starts.. it should abort the migraine .. in 70% of the people it helps .. in 30% it does not help.. so we shall see when or if i have another headache... he also changed my BCP back to the orginal.. I was taking Apri originally and then was switched to RECLIPSIN.. now I am back on Apri yay..

One week from today mom is having her open heart surgery... One week that is turning out to be massively difficult. Everyone is a target of her rath .. Nothing is being done right and her children do not love her ... She does not need anyone we are all hateful yada yada.. its what i hear every single day as of late.. if its not me its one of my 2 other sisters. Someone is doing her wrong.. She is going to die next week and no one believes that... Fact.. she is out of control.. fact she has no control .. fact she HATES not having control.. I do understand how she feels she is scared.. not sure if she really will be here next week.. not sure what will happen.. and her daughters are not doing things the way she thinks they should.. and it simply is not nor never will be good enough.. My mom comes from a world where she grew up not having much in the 30s and 40s.. then she meets my dad.. he treats her like a princess and spoils her rotten.. she works.. some.. a few jewelry stores.. for my dad in his furniture stores.. she helped some.. but mostly she could do what she wanted.. she had a house keeper 5 days a week that pretty much raised me from the time I was 3.. the older sisters where in grammar school and then jr high and high school and then gone..mom had a good married predictable life.. my older sister had a similiar life.. not having to work unless she wanted too.. but not having to make ends meet.. like my middle sister and myself. consequently they do not understand the responsibility of having a job.. My mother thinks its horrible that I will not be at the hospital on Monday when she has her artiergram.. but my sisters will be there and they can handle it and handle the visit with the doctor.. I have to work on monday and will be there after work.. of course I am still an evil daughter.. oh well .. not much I can do about that.. except do what I can . I just want to come through this for myself and her as best I can.. and be the best daughter wether right or wrong in her eyes.. .. sigh..
and so it goes..
Wish me well
Wish you well too

MONDAY

Rather a dull post title I suppose but it is Monday and here we are..
I am going to see the doctor this afternoon about the migraines... hopefully we can start with some type of something to help me control these awful things.
I always hate going to the doctor.. you know why.. it is the same reason most of us hate going to the doctor (JAWS theme in background) The SCALE.. that evil monster that greets you in the hallway and that you step on.. after you carefully remove any extra clothing ( you can legally remove with out being naked in the hallway) and take off those 12 pound sneakers... it creaks and shifts and moans in your face as the pound thingie is moved to the right farther .. farther.. then they move the big pound thingie over farther.. and THUNK there you are at whatever pounds.. echoing in your face like some Scarlet letter pinned to your chest.. your blood pressure slowly lowers as you sit down in the examining room and they cuff you with the cuff for blood pressure.. you try and think peaceful thoughts and deep breath as the circulation in your left arm suddenly dissapears and the cuff gets tighter and tighter.. finally you are left sitting there waiting for the doctor and trying to remember what you were there for in the first place after all that trauma.. I am there to get rid of these DAMN ASSHAT MIGRAINES.. and to let the doctor know that I think its BCP related.. Walgreens quit carrying my regular pill I had taken for 8 years so they switched me to something that has the same chemistry supposedly.. well if we trace the headaches seems they started about 3 months ago.. and hit me at the beginning of the month .. each headache is progressively worse than the last.. or so it seems.. this last one just lasted so long.. I still am feeling residuale effects of it.. twinges behind my eyes etc..anyhow I called CVS and they carry the original pill still so I am going to switch back there and start taking the original pill when I am finished with this last packet of these new ones.. Hopefully that will solve it.. who knows.. after all MD does NOT follow my name it follows my doctor's so we shall see.
Well I am still collecting recipes.. so are a few quick and easys from my WW stuff :
Chunky Roast Chicken Slaw
Pull 6 ounces of white meat off a store-bought roast chicken.
Mix with 1 small Napa cabbage, finely shredded;
1 Granny Smith apple, peeled, cored, and shredded;
1 celery stalk, thinly sliced;
1 small shallot, minced;
1/4-cup low-fat ranch dressing
.Serving size: 2 cups
POINTS value: 5

Thai Summer Rolls
Soak 6 Thai rice paper wrappers (available in the Asian aisle of most supermarkets) in warm water until soft, about 10 seconds.
Lay them flat on your work surface
top each with 1 large cooked cocktail shrimp (about 1 ounce)
2 cucumber slices
2 tablespoons shredded carrot
1 tablespoon minced scallion (green part only)
1/2 teaspoon hoisin sauce
Roll to seal in the filling
serve immediately or wrap tightly in plastic wrap and refrigerate 1 hour.
Serving size: 3 rolls
POINTS value: 4

Mozzarella & Tomato
Thinly slice two large beefsteak tomatoes.
Layer the slices with 4 ounces thinly sliced part-skim mozzarella and 12 basil leaves.
Sprinkle the stacks with 2 teaspoons aged balsamic vinegar and 1/2 teaspoon salt
.Serving size: 1 1/2 cups
POINTS value: 4
Optional: Accompany each serving with 4 ounces cooked large shrimp, drizzled with a splash of white wine vinegar.
POINTS value: 6
Just some easy tasty yummy stuff ..
Wish me well
Wish you well too.

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!! and a Migraine blechhhh

INDEPENDENCE DAY!
What does that mean to you? we are in an amazing country with freedoms galore.. yet when we really open our eyes.. we see that some of these freedoms have cost us dearly... the freedom to consume all the alcohol one wants..and not really caring about the consequences of said actions.. the freedom to over eat.. sometimes resulting in disaster for our health.. the freedom to over indulge in recreational drug use again not caring about any legal consequences or what said person is doing to his or her life. .. Freedom comes with challanging choices. When we make good choices.. life usually is a bit easier for us. When we make the wrong choices.. i.e. over indulging in anything... we might find the consequences a bit more than we expected.
My blog as we know is primarily about life and weight loss and the journey to good health. so I can speak about what I know about the freedom of choices when it comes to eating.
I wish I knew why food falls into so many catagories in my life... sometimes its my nemisis.. sometimes its just food.. sometimes its my friend... sometimes its how I express my creativity by creating a nutritiously sound meal. For while now I have struggled with this.. for along while.. okay.. for nearly 46 years.. I often wonder why did I pick food... I mean I could have been an alcoholic.. and one can live with out alcohol.. or I could have chosen drugs.. one can live with out those too.. yet for some reason I picked food..
~~~As a child that was were I found comfort . I think back and realize that food was always controlled in my life as a child and boy did I rebel anytime and anyway I could.. Sometimes I wish that the clock was turned back to when I was a child and I could whisper in my mother's ear as the adult that I am now.. and tell her.. Mom don't control her food.. don't put a focus on food... don't let Honi feel that she is less of a person if she is over weight and more of a good person.. more of an accepetable person if she is thin.. just let food be food... if she wants a piece of cake.. let her have it.. I have a funny feeling that she will only want one piece of cake.. not half it.. if she wants ice cream let her have a serving.. don't say no.. don't say You cant have that .. let her learn that food is food.. not a reward if she loses weight.. not a reward if she makes good grades.. not a blanket when she is scared and that she has to sneak.. because she can not have what she wants .. Let her learn the right things as a child.. because look at me.. and how I struggled.. look at me and how I struggle now. . one action can change her world... ~~~ There is no blame here .. let me remind you of that.. parents did what parents do.. the very best they can with the knowledge they have ...~~~
Sigh... but.. thats how this deck of cards were dealt .. I am this... an adult in midlife still fighting.. still warring and finding my way with food.. I don't binge anymore... I try not to over eat.. and I am work hard with portion control.. and I still have not mastered regular exercise however I am walking at least 2 times a week outside.. I just still have to do this.. I know..I know the my weak spots.. and I know it will be hard.. but I also know.. I can do this.. I know.. it is my freedom.. and it is my right..
I wish it was my right not to have these We were at Walmart last night and looking at the eggs and damned if I did not get an aura warning me that I was going to have a migraine... By the time we got home it was pumping up.. I tried in vain to ignore it.. I took my advil and BC pill like I do every night and got in bed.. but this beast was not going to be quiet.. it settled down for a bit but around what I am guessing was 3 or 4 am It got to the point of me waking Steve up crying... it was horrible I almost had him take me to the ER.. but my sweet sweetie rubbed my back and head and just talked to me.. I got up and got a cold compress.. I had the worst time navigating my way to the bathroom ( had to tinkle too) but I got back to the bed and put the cold cloth on my head and Steve kept rubbing my head too... eventually I dozed off.. Now I just have that rotten hangover.. Monday I am calling the doctor.. seems I am getting these now on average of once a month.. Steve feels this one too was brought on by odd lighting.. he said the lighting at the dairy case and egg case was sort of weird he even noticed it.. so he thinks the frequency might have sparked this one.. I was having such a fun night too.. we had gone for a motorcycle ride.. gone out to dinner.. and now we were picking up odds and ends for the 4th... for today... well I am okay now.. but this is getting pretty annoying..if you get migraines how do you treat them.. I had them in my late teens and early 20s.. then got a a few in my 30s and now in my mid 40s they are back with avengence...
Wish me well
Wish you well too

HAPPY JULY 3RD

What are you thinking about? the tons of stuff to do before tommorow.? are you cooking? are you going to someone's home for a BBQ.. whats going on? We are having friends and family over and most probably going to grill chicken , corn on the cob and a yummy salmon spread that Steve makes, a dessert or two that might not be so healthy ( for me I can delve into my freezer and pick from an array of frozen WW novelties.. so it will be lots of fun.. We will watch the neighborhood fireworks display that lasts well into the night.. and poor Cookie hates FIREWORKS with a passion.. just keeping it simple this year.. Mom's surgery is just around the corner.. July 15th.. so that weighs a bit on the mind.. otherwise life is all about the goodness there is. I am enclosing some more healthy options for the 4th.. enjoy..

PERFECT PICNIC CHICKEN
GRILLED CHICKEN BURGERS
SPICEY CORN ON THE COB
APRICOT GRILLED SHRIMP
GRILLED QUESADILLAS
GRILLED MED SANDWICHES
GRILLED SAUSAGE WITH THE WORKS
GRILLED EGGPLANT
GRILLED LAMB

HAPPY 4TH !!!
WISH ME WELL
WISH YOU WELL TOO

MORE STUFF FOR THE 4th

SPICY CORN SALAD

COOKING LIGHT 4TH IDEAS
OLD FASHIONED BBQ SIRLOIN
LIME GRILLED FISH
GRILLED CARIBBEAN CHICKEN
GRILLED TEXAS RANCH BURGERS

EATING WELL 4TH OF JULY RECIPES
LOW FAT MAC AND CHEESE

As you know the Internet is your virtual tool box to healthy eating there are so many sites that produce great nutritionally sound recipes.. have fun exploring and discovering something new for a family treat this year..
Cherries, Melons, Peaches, Oranges and Berries are delicious this year.. see if there are areas in your community where you can actually pick your own.. Not only is it fun but its good exercise too and the reward you get is lots of juicy sweet fruit that you picked.
Going to keep it short and sweet for a Wednesday!
Wish me well
Wish you well too

CELEBRATING THE 4TH THE ALTERNATIVE WAY

I have been busily perusing the Internet for some alternative ideas for the 4th of July.
Why do holidays have be food disasters.. or rather why do we let them be food disasters.. why not find alternatives for exciting recipes and ideas. I know folks have family favorites and that is well and good.. but by adjusting a few ingredients perhaps one does not have to sacrifice taste for calories. So I went on my little journey starting here.. BEYOND THE BURGER and there is normally a caloric disaster .. but here is a recipe I am sure that will delight..POTATO SALAD and how about this for an alternative for dessert.. RASBERRY-BLUEBERRY CHEESECAKE PIE all it really takes is a little creativity.. and the most amazing thing is .. people usually enjoy the healthier choices as opposed to the not so healthy ones.. I seriously doubt people notice the difference and I dare say they enjoy the lower calorie versions better than the goey fat laden original ones.
Will post more 4th of july recipes Tomorrow.
If you check out the award post below..Cammy who I awarded .. got awarded twice she made a good suggestion... I am going to award 5 more of my blog friends listed in this post.. for all information please refer to the post titled THIS IS SO NICE
THE ADDITIONAL 5 I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY AWARDS WILL GO TO:
TWIX I LOVE READING HER POSTS REGARDLESS IF SHE HAS A STRUGGLE OR GREAT NEWS HER POSTS ARE ALWAYS HONEST AND HEART FELT AND LETS NOT FORGET FUNNY SOMETIMES..
ESCAPE FROM OBESITY THIS WOMAN IS A GIFTED WRITER ALWAYS SPEAKING FROM HER HEART BE HER POSTS DEEP AND DIFFICULT OR HAPPY AND FILLED WITH ACCOMPLISHMENTS. SHE IS AN INSPIRATION TO READ.
Late Bloomer Log I recently discovered her blog and have enjoyed it very much .. she too is another inspiration on this journey we all are on. Realistic and a good read too.
PARTAKE IN HAPPY HOUR I love visiting this blog , written with humour and a fun style .always an adventure to read and enjoy.. a terrific blog.
SOUTHERN CIRCLE OF HELL a wonderful read .. i love visiting her blog simply because only in the south can you find that humour.. her postings are wonderful be they about the latest exercise she is doing or place she has visited .. or the odds and ends of daily life.. great read ..
Have a great Tuesday
Wish me well
Wish you well Too..