Thursday, December 20, 2007


More reflection time before the year draws to a speeding close...



Have you ever stopped and thought about words... ??? just picked a random word out and thought about it????... for example COOKIE... that is a great word... right away you are thinking.. ahhh sweeeet.... right away it creates a pleasant memory... unless the last time you baked cookies your house burned down.. that would not be so pleasant... but I digress... Cookie.... 1 cookie is nice.. 2 Cookies are even better... ( alright already I confess.. I had two cookies this morning plus my oatmeal.. ) Okay I know it was stupid but now that I have it out of my system... I am not thinking about them anymore.. except right now because I am talking about Cookies and what a powerful word that is....and these were not just any cheap cookies.. these were gourmet cookies.. * YEAH OKAY .. I KNOW thats no excuse!!! * one was a s'mores cookie with chunks of chocolate and marshmallows in it... and one was a chocolate mint cookie. and yes while the guilt factor is high for eating them... they were indeed good.. and this time I actually made myself eat both whole cookies.. because I knew that if I did not.. it would give me the perfect excuse to go back for more..perhaps that does not make sense.. perhaps you think.. eating two cookies is no big deal.. but to me it was a big deal.. I simply do not allow myself to do that.. and today I said do it .. and DO IT NOW! .. to tell you the truth.. they did taste good.. but now I feel sort of well YUCKY.. its not been a clean eating day so far this morning .. CLEAN EATING will be a topic I will discuss many times in 2008... it will be my new catch phrase and I will explain my version thoroughly... I did a lot of clean eating in 2007 and it really was helpful to me. So I plan to use that a lot in 2008.
So... today ... I started it with a HUGE BUMP... should I over indulge the rest of the day..????. Go get some less than healthy lunch... hmmmmmmmmm.. well the old me would say sure why not??/ the new me .. says ABSOLUTELY .................. NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.. because in my lunch..which I brought from home.... I have a banana, left over spagetti from last nights dinner, carrots and celery, an apple, a clemintine and a small bag with craisins and pistachios.. and of course my fiber one bar...SO I have plenty of good choices in that container to choose from.. ... the day does not have to be trashed. The old me.. has a hard time dealing with that .. I mean hell Honi you ate 2 gourmet cookies.. why not go and eat whatever the hell you want.. what does it really matter anyhow... ???? Honi no one is trying to lose weight right now or eat healthy.. go out and do it right girl.. Eat up.. EAT UP... !!! Wait just a second.. who the hell is that in my head and why is she saying EAT UP EAT UP!!
( in steps the referee me) NO don't eat up .. YES this is all worth it.. and so what.. ? you ate 2 cookies.. its done its over.. why are you fretting about something you controlled and did... you are paying the consequences Honi you feel yucky.. and sludgy on the inside.. and it is as you always say... EVERY ACTION HAS A CONSEQUENCE GOOD OR BAD... so .. Honi your action.. has a consequence.. heart burn.. and you feel yucky.... so I think you are punished enough.. NOW GET THE FUCK OVER IT ALL READY!!!!.. ( nice referee) (potty mouth me) .... sighhhhhhhh
So it goes on in my head.. the two mes and the referee me.... the me that says to hell with it all and the me that says WAIT .. think about this.. you don't really want this ( she can be wishy washy).. and then the me.. that steps in .. and rips it apart and simplifies it.. ITS done let go.. move on... I like that me the best... I am listening to her.. hey she is smart... and I like that...
Wish me well
Wish you well too

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