There she is again.. the same face that has met my gaze for 46 years.. nothing about her has really changed.. she still has the same hopes and dreams.. though altered somewhat.
This YEAR we did not jump on the NEW YEAR band wagon of GUSTO FILLED weight loss gurus. I did not Clean sweep my pantry and do 100 situps.. I did not do even one situp.
This year , so far I have been observing.. I walked into Walmart this morning.. and guess what.. ??? I did not lose weight.. I did not feel the wealth of health they are promoting in their advertising on TV. I really do not think I can get healthy with Walmart ..
This year I did not stand in line at a Weight Watchers meeting lamenting my holiday over eating.. and critisizing myself.. This year I am eating the same as I did a couple weeks ago.. which though not a particularly good thing.. is actually not a bad thing.. because this time. well there is not going to be a THIS TIME
There are things that must be addressed before other things change. So I am standing here looking at the mirror at you.. and wondering what about you will change this year.. what about you can change this year after 46 years of doing the same thing..
Why has food always felt so safe to you until the last few years when you have actually suffered because of food.. ? IT is a tough question.. but why have you always turned to food.???. I know why... because food has never once said to you.. You are not good enough.. food has never once said to you.. who pushed you off the ugly bus? food has never once said to you , you will not succeed.. no.. food has been your cheer leader, your "blankie" your buddy.. in the worst of times .. in the best of times... food has whispered in your ear.. I am here if you need me.. and for some reason you have always used this for your excuse.. even when food started hurting you.. reflux.. stomach pain.. etc.. what did you do??? but turn back to food for comfort.. it is high time you realize that food.. is simply food.. it has no great power.. no great magic..unless you consider the ability to make your ass three times the size of Texas.. magic.. well.. what are you doing? ... I do think that it is okay to enjoy food.. and be passionate about cooking.. but food.. is simply food.. to be eaten and enjoyed.. not to be a blanket.. not hide emotion.. and food.. because it has no magic powers.. will not fix things... Ironically the same can be said about all the ads that are being rushed out at you right now.. All the pills.. all the quick fixes.. are simply foder for advertising.. nothing really comes from pills.. .. what works in the long run.. is will power.. what works in the long run is learning to let go of what hurts.. and realizing that food simply is food.. its not a fix.. its not a healer.. it is simply accessable.. SO next time.. you are angry.. or you are sad.. or you happy.. be those feelings..and if those feelings are over powering.. here is a thought.. GO OUT THERE AN MOVE.. exercise.. walk... find a friend to talk too... swim... write it down... SCREAM .. do what you must.. but do not turn to food..
Now.. as you decide if you are really ready.. educate yourself.. by reading and finding something you truely know you can commit too.. through it all.. good bad.. indifferent... something you are ready to do... I will be sharing more about the books I have been reading, Volumetrics and the Eating Well program .. I really like the Eating well program..and their website as I have said before.. will let you know more as I know more.. waiting for a couple more books to arrive.... so for now the main thing I can say to me is : do not think you know it all.. or have tried it all.. because obviously if you did .. you would not be looking at yourself in the mirror right now... wondering why you are still obese. Have faith in yourself.. no matter what..
Until next time..
I JUST RECIEVED THIS FROM MY HUSBAND'S OFFICE MANAGER AND I WANTED TO SHARE IT WITH YOU
NEW YEARS WISH FOR YOU AND YOURS:
May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your ophthalmologist, your psychiatrist, your cardiologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your gynecologist, your podiatrist, your plumber, and the IRS.
May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your love handles, and your stocks never fall, and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count, your weight, and your property assessments never increase.
May you be sensitive to the needs of others and may you create within yourself a balance of your own needs.
May you laugh at yourself and realize if you were supposed to touch your toes while exercising, the Lord would have placed them further up, and may you realize the reason so many people take up jogging is to hear heavy breathing again. May what you see in the mirror delight you and what others see in you delight them.
May someone love you enough to accept and forgive your faults and be blind to your blemishes, and tell the whole world about your virtues. May you live in a world at peace, with an awareness of the beauty of every sunset, every flower, every child's smile, and every wonderful astonishing beat of your own heart. If by laughter, I can cause you to wipe one tear from your cheek, that is my only reward. Above all, may you continue to smile, may your life be filled with laughter, and may you never forget the words found in the Book of Proverbs, "A gloomy spirit rots the bones; but a merry heart is like good medicine!
I HAVE NO IDEA WHO WROTE THAT BUT IT IS GREAT!
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3 comments:
Hi Honi- It's been a while..I have been a little out of the blogoshpere, but I am working to make a little more of an effort. How are you? You sound motivated and ready to go. You understand your relationship with food and now will work on changing it. I think you will do well! Much success!
Great post you have a way of making me laugh and cry in the same post. How many times have I used food as a comforter and healer which it is neither. I look forward to you book reviews. I like the 2009 wish you shared with us. Thanks.
You'll understand as time goes on. There's no simple answer. Sometimes we need moments of clarity where we're truly comfortable within our own skin without the voices of others to cheer us on.
When I figure out how to find my way through the labrinth (sp?), I'll let you know. Until then, know that you are enough and that you do your best every day with the what you have in life.
Bottom line, you're honest with yourself even when you've made choices that aren't in your own best interests. THAT means you're a tough force to be reckoned with!
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