FAMILY FROM OUR WEDDING

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

A ROAD BEFORE ME

There are paths I am avoiding..
I have the talk down.. but I am forgetting the tools to get me there.. I know I want the freedom.. the freedom of easier movement.. the freedom of being free from shame... the freedom of "THE LOOK" that I get .. the freedom from others who feel it necessary to remind me that losing weight will make me feel better and be able to do things.. ( a BIG FAT DUH!!!! YA THINK??? )
I have lost about 30 pounds in the last year.. and then like a chain reaction I stopped.. first the engine slowed..
then the wheels slowed..
then the body started coasting along..
Then engine reved a few times with that deep gurgle sound..
it got above a putter and almost got smooth but then it got quiet again..
. coasting along.. trying to find the right road..
if I turn around.. death is going to meet me a lot faster to be blunt. that brick wall .. its solid and there is no return once you hit it.. and before I hit that wall.. . the joints will creak more... the back will ache more the reflux will roar its burning fire into my body.. its dark and bumpy back there.. with flashing lights of foods that intice and bring along bad drama... it holds the jeers and the stares and the shaking of heads as I drive past.. When I look back I see it all as if it were clear.. as if it were now.. but it is not.. it was then... If I turn to the left.. thats a resting place... I won't go forward and I won't go backward.. things will change with out me.. life will fly by me... if I go to the right.. its the same thing as the left..
If I go straight.. there is a enormous hill that I have to travel up...
but if I really make it to the top this time.. I will see that life is peaks and valleys and no place is flat like the dessert plains or like Florida for that matter..
This road.. this path.. will be yielding to twists and turns.. and hills and holes.. and bridges and detours.. and flashing signs screaming STOP... EAT... flickering to my past in the distance... If I go this road.. I will have to continue breathing... continue moving.. Fueling myself with water, fruits and veggies... smaller portions of protien and carbs... that is what I will have to do on this Road before me.. First up.. then down.. then around.. each curve a new adventure .. each twist a new challenge before me...
Wish me well
Wish you well too!

*****TO MY DEAR FRIEND LINDSEY WHERE DID YOU GO.. WHY DID YOU GET RID OF YOUR BLOG? I WAS JUST THERE LATE LAST WEEK AND YOU SEEMED TO BE DOING WELL.. LINDSEY PLEASE COME BACK OR AT LEAST EMAIL ME SO I KNOW YOU ARE OKAY!
IF ANYONE KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED WITH LINDSEY FROM A LIGHTER LIFE PLEASE LET ME KNOW!



Honi's favorite exercise machine:

read about it

5 comments:

Dee said...

This post is very inspiring! I identify with all that you said. I'm a the "resting place" right now...neither going forward or back. I hope I can make it up the hill and keep going!

Kate said...

I've been on a plateau for a while... hopefully I'm off it. Hang in there! I know how tough it is!

Katschi said...

Honi, your post today is so heartening. You're not alone on that long road. We're all on it together and we can help each other get up those steep hills.

40 by 40 said...

Wow..30lbs..that's major progress..you really have a way with words here..GO FORWARD,,you are doing so well and inspiring and helping others too!

Hanlie said...

Very nice post! Keep going, Honi!