Tuesday, June 24, 2008


When I was born.. I was guilty... I popped out.. Oy! I caused my mother pain was probably my very first thought.. on the other hand, it could have been .. damn its cold out here!
When I was a kid I tended to day dream.. I felt guilty because I was not like the other kids so there for I had to be a disappointment to my parents.
When I was a kid I never looked like anyone else.. my hair was not right, my body was not right and if it was it was only for a minute.. there was nothing about me that was right.. this was obviously my fault... not the way nature made me.. I felt guilty.
As a teenager in my early teens I never quiet got it .. I never got being cool.. I liked my rock and roll that a friend introduced me too.. I liked the escapism not the generalities that everyone else who was cool liked.. I was never invited to parties.. I was never with the in crowd.. Surely my tastes were my fault.. again.. I felt guilty.
As I rebelled in my own unique way .. I ended up in boarding school for a better academic chance.. and I thrived but goodness I cost my parents so much money so much heartache for all my failures in school. GUILTY!
I graduated and grew up and kept gaining then losing weight then gaining weight and never actually finding a place I could stay at for long with out binging and trying to find peace.. I coped with life by over eating ... GUILTY!!!!
Love avoided me but I always loved from a distance.. for I was never thin enough, pretty enough , right enough , perfect enough and some of that I was actually guilty of because I created my situation by allowing myself to be overweight.. GUILTY!~
and as an adult in mid life i realized what is guilt but self induced trauma. WHO NEEDS TRAUMA??? we all make decisions.. and with those decisions come consequences.. being able to accept those consequences and move on is a life with out guilt..
Then there are those things which we have no control over, other's behaviors etc.. feeling Guilty for someone's reaction to you is a waste of time.. GUILT is WASTE.. a waste of time.
Feeling guilty because other people do not help out or pitch in.. a a waste also.. in life we can do what we can do and then we simply have to let it go. You can not change what was.. you can only control what is to the best of your ability and when it comes down to it.. there really is no Control except .. well except for your acceptance that Life is uncontrolable so manage what you can .. and enjoy the ride.. it is a short one indeed and the bumps and grinds of daily living have to be dealt with.. whatever they are..
LIVE GUILT FREE.. Move on....
NOW...... A game....
One Word
This is definitely a challenge to try-- You can only type One Word! Not as easy as you might think. , change the answers to suit you and put it in your blog. It's really hard to only use one word answers. ONLY ONE WORD!
1. Where is your cell phone? POCKET
2. Where is your significant other? HOME
3. Your hair color? BLACKISH
4. Your mother? SHOPPING
5. Your father? HEAVEN
6. Your favorite thing? SMILES
7. Your dream last night? ZERO
8. Your dream/goal? HEALTH
9. The room you're in? CLOSET
10. Your hobby? COMPUTER
11. Your fear? HATE
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? RETIRED
13. Where were you last night? HOME
14. What you're not? MEAN
15. Muffins? CHOCOLATE
16. One of your wish list items? HEALTHY
17. Where you grew up? ALABAMA
18. The last thing you did? PASTE
19. What are you wearing? BLACK
20. Your TV? DRAWER
21. Your pets? BEAUTIFUL
22.Your computer? FUN
23. Your life? ROCKIN'
24. Your mood? STRESSED
25. Missing someone ? YEP
26. Your car? MATRIX
27. Something you're not wearing? GLASSES
28. Favorite store? DOG
29. Your summer? SWELTERING
30. Love someone? ALWAYS
31. Your favorite color? PURPLE
32. When is the last time you laughed? TODAY
33. Last time you cried? NIGHT


Grumpy Chair said...

I love your thoughts about guilt. Great post Honi.

buddha_girl said...

Guilt is just a bunch of glorified shit, sister. Before I got to the end of the part on guilt, I was tempted to jump right to the comments and say,


Har! I'm Catholic. You're Jewish. We're allowed to do that!

Keep your head up, kiddo!

GirlTrueHeart said...


Cammy said...

You're right: guilt is a big waste of time and energy!

cadbury_vw said...

this was a good post

i feel substantial congruence with your younger years

made me think

good post