TOP 12.. OR A JOURNEY THROUGH THE MIND OF THIS BRIDE 4 DAYS FROM THE WEDDING and other Thoughts... VERY LONG POST...

SO ... sit back.. grab your favorite beverage.. and hop into the wiggly lines of my brain waves..

1~ Did I get the right dress.. should I have gotten something that was more flattering.. covered my arms... what was I thinking getting a halter..???????

2~Will my makeup make me look like a drag queen? Will my hair look silly.. or will it look like me?

3~ Is having a big wedding (240 people or so) ridiculous at my age? ( I have never been married... Steve has)

4~ I have a huge family.. in just 1/4th of this family there are 21 first cousins... so a big wedding is not really a big deal... .. well trust me this really is not that big of a wedding from my perspective...

5~ Will the kids enjoy themselves.. Steve has 3 all adults.will they enjoy it and feel a part of things...???? I so want that... I know its nothing I can control.. I just want them to have a nice time... and take with them good memories...

6~ What the hell does my wedding cake look like.. I can not for the life of me remember??

7~ The food for friday has changed a bit.. lasagna now instead of the Parmagiana ( OH MY GOD THIS ROCKED THE HOUSE>. I tasted the lasagna yesterday..... Steve brought some by the office ) we are ordering from a place that will deliver it and is closer .. Steve has to cook the Prime rib friday afternoon.. so no rehearsal for him... all he has to do .. is walk in with the Rabbi and Cantor.. we are not having a processional of groomsmen or bridesmaids and I am the only one walking down the aisle .. so I am the one who has to be cued to music... well my Mom and other uncle will be walking down.. before me but thats it...... OHHHH and I have to remember to call the guy today and order the food.... and darn it I forgot to pick up the wine again.. sssh .. I have got to do that..

8~ Steve needs to pick up his Tux tommorow.. WHY DONT MEN HAVE FITTINGS???? why do mean get away with .. go in they measure u and POOF u have a TUX.. no nip tuck here.. no expand or decrease here... No busselling (or however u spell it) .. no primping just tie that tie and smile... they make weddings way to easy on men LOL...

9~ One of Steve's daughters was worried because I dont have a wedding planner... I guess that title goes to me...

10~ my hospitality bags look really cute.. I need to take a picture of one...

11~ Will everyone show up on time?

12~ Going to the florist tomorrow and taking the about 300 favors I made.. ( hey I was not sure how many folks were actually going to be there ) I think I told you about those.. its seeded paper and attatched to the seeded paper is a little note.. and then it tells you how to tear up the paper and plant it and wild flower will grow... Bubbles are now a favor too... we are not going to have an official leaving .. we decided we are going to stay with everyone until the end... sigh...

Okay .. are you tired yet.. me too..

of a more weighty matter.. today I had to go to Walmart.. and pick up a few things.. when I was leaving I saw a van in front of the store parked in the Handicap zone.. ( WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SAY MIGHT BE TAKEN AS RUDE.. IT IS ENTIRELY NOT MEANT IN THAT WAY) I saw what I assume to be a gentleman ( I only saw this person from behind) .. he was putting his walker in the back of this van... This poor man could barely walk.. or this poor person could barely walk.. I physically ached as I saw this person struggle to lift one leg then the other..it was as if they moved in slow motion.. each movement an effort more so than any of us able bodies could understand.. I would venture to guess this person weighed around 400 to 500 pounds.. the fat on this person was not solid fat.. u know.. it was as if there was a layer of skin between so it looked like this person had bags of fat attatched to them.. I know that sounds cruel but it was what I saw.. and I could not take my eyes of this individual as they struggled.. I Know.. trust me I do know there are all sorts of reasons for morbid obesity... and maybe this person was losing weight and what I saw was excess skin.. I dont know obviously... I could not help but thinking.. this person had a choice years ago to prevent this situation.. I feel that way... and perhaps that person is content at the size he or she is.. thats fine.. I am certainly not a fat basher.. but why... why let yourself get to that point that every step is truely an effort.. that your muscles have to struggle to work to just move an arm or leg less than one foot.. why put yourself in the prison... I felt so sad for this person.. and though they wanted no pity from me I am sure.. I want each of you to know what I saw.. if this person is you.. or feels like you.. change it.. if you are young and you are close to this .. STOP IT NOW.. turn back.. make the change.. save your life.. no one.. needs to be caught in a self induced prison.. set yourself free.. before.. you body decides to set your soul free... that scared me...

I had a conversation with an old friend last night... He finally made the decision to lose 50 pounds on his own.. This is a guy who can pretty much afford.. fancy assistance to help him lose weight.. this is a guy that could get his own personal trainer if he wanted... BUt instead of doing that.. he decided.. to change his own life his way... I am so proud of him.. we have both been in this battle all our lives... I have only known him about 10 or so years.. maybe a few more.. but to see him.. do that is amazing to me.. it is reafirming to me as well.. when I see him I realize that I can do this too.. He is in the food business now.. so he has similiar temptation like I do.. and he overcame it and achieved his goal.. but he learned the most important lesson of all.. that he will have to watch it for the rest of his life.. and for him.. it might be getting on the scale 2 times a day to monitor himself.. but it works for him... and he eats healthy now.. thats not to say he does not have a treat here and there.. but he does not let it get out of hand.. HE TOOK CONTROL.. he told me about someone we mutally know.. he ran into him one day while having breakfast.. the guy had done one of the fasting programs years ago.. and looked.. well almost too thin at his goal. he lost around 100 pounds . anyhow.. when my friend ran into him.. he hardly recognized him he had gained that plus more back ... my friend wanted to grab him and say hey whats going on.. what can I do to help you .. .. You see prior to running into him.. someone else that he knew.. a guy that worked for him.. had been VERY large.. he put the guy on one of those bariatric programs .. and told him that if he lost 100 pounds and could do a mile in a certain amount of time he would give him a hefty bonus at the end of the year.. this person lost 90... but he kept it off for a while.. and then life changed.. jobs changed.. I believe it was last year this person was discovered by his wife and child.. dead.. on the sofa.. a stroke.. he had gained all his weight back plus some... thats what truely motivated my friend to get healthy he could not imagine doing that to his wife and kids... and of course this other guy had no intention of doing that to his famly however.. it happened... For me seeing him the other day and talking to him yesterday just really helped to remind me that this journey I am on is for the rest of my life.. and so what if I did not get the 50 pounds off I had planned before the wedding.... has of Monday I am 31 pounds down.. with 49 to go.. and I will get this off.. WE all of us will do this... I will be right here friends.. cheering you on and encouraging u through the darker times.. This will be my gift to myself.. by my 46th birthday Next November.. :
the last 49 pounds will bid farewell pound by pound over the next year...
Not too shabby if ya ask me!
Wish me well
Wish you well too!