Friday, May 15, 2009



I decided a change of space was in order..

I talked to my husband last night and he wanted assurance that I was going to lose weight this time.. he worries.. and I know that.. but I cant really assure anyone until I can assure myself of my own success and the only way that is going to happen is when I see success at least beginning...

He said I should not blog about it because I am basically making a fool out of myself since I am not losing any weight and basically gained most of what I had originally lost back in 2007. I never felt as if I was making a fool out of myself because I have always been honest.. and its obvious when you do not hear me talk about it that you know I am not losing anything nor am I trying at that time.. I give everyone credit for understanding weight silence.. and trying to talk about other things.. but it seems to me I have battled the good war for now well over 45 years.. and I am sure it is the longest war in a human's history against oneself.. and frankly I will not give up.. because sooner or later someone has to win.. either the fat honi by killing me.. or the one that really wants to live.. the one over at the new place.. and yes I will continue blogging.. because you guys are were its at.. you are friends and my support.. and even when I feel as if I am the loneliest person in the world.. all I have to do is click here and find out I am not... So why let healthy honi go... Its time for change.. something different something with more Momentum..

SO follow me...

Monday, May 11, 2009






Thursday, May 7, 2009

Vicki Gave me this award . That really was so sweet of you Vicki , I have been a terrible blogger lately... You guys know the rules...Here's what you do when you have received the "Super Blogger" award:Tape it up on your blog somewhere.Pass it along to 5 fellow super bloggers, and comment on their blog so they know they have something for them.

To me it is hard to just pick 5 people who inspire me.. as we all are Super Bloggers but lets follow the rules this time..
For today I pick:
~Budda Girl's World ~Scale Junkie~Twix~ Doctor Manette~Southbork
Until next time...

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Do you ever have that feeling of : I NEED ME BACK

I need me back.. I need the woman back who nearly 2 years ago weighed in at 180 at her lowest in years... I need the person that worked so hard back.. I have no idea why she left and left me with this woman who is eating herself into oblivion.. this woman who would rather continuously eat than eat for hunger and energy.. She chooses very unhealthy things to eat and things that are high in calories. She loves sweets and breads and makes sure her day is filled with both and not in moderation.. She stepped on the scale today and weighed 203.8 pounds.. WTF has she done with Honi.. the strong and smart and fighter Honi.. I never thought I would be back over 200 pounds again.. I never thought I would go back... my top was 211.5.. and I really do not want to go there.. It has been suggested that I do a lap band or gastric bypass.. and while I think those options are great for some people I do not think its great for me... because my problem is not really just the food.. It is using the food as a pacifer for all emotions... With out going into detail and some of you know the detail... this past year has been a piss poor year, between my mother dieing , and now all the bullshit that is going along with the estate and other issues.. and the house not selling.. the pressure well it sometimes feels as if my head is going to explode.. and I am really just so sad.. but I am mostly ANGRY at myself.. I do not like the way my clothes fit.. I do not like how I feel.. and I am so dissapointed in myself that I am sitting here with tears rolling down my cheeks and the irony in this whole thing .. is that I will probably not do anything today.. or tomorrow to change my predicament... I am going to to the doctor for a check up next Friday.. and I am determined to have a decision on what I am going to do with ME.. with that strange woman that is back in body who does not take care of me.. I need the other woman back.. the other one who encouraged me.. and stood by me.. and helped me go in the right direction.. only I need her stronger and better and able to handle any challenge that comes her way... I am thinking for a quick start to do Nutri system.. however I do find it MASSIVELY EXPENSIVE, however, when I did it in 1989 I lost 50 pounds in about 6 months I kept most of the weight off until my mom had open heart surgery in 1991 and I had to stay with her in the hospital.. I would spend late night down in the cafeteria eating icecream sandwiches.. needless to say over that summer I gained 25 pounds back and kept on going up.. I have not done anything signifcant until I did the Mayo CLinic weight loss for everybody 2 years ago when I lost about 30 pounds... but here I am back up the creek again... when will this ever end.. I am tired of the anger and pain I cause my body .. Me .. I cause this.. One of my sisters says do nutri system and then you will have the weight off by my neices wedding.. well I dont care about that.. this has to be about me.. she asks me what will my husband do.. he can eat what he wants. whatever.. but for me a commitment to Nutri system would mean no more going out to eat for the next few months and eating all meals at home..or where a microwave is available thats a commitment.. it would cost me 299.95 a month to do Nutri system .. my other choice is the new program at Weight Watchers, it would cost me 65.00 for the first 3 months and I have a discount coupons that makes the first 3 months 59.00 and then 16.95 each month their after. the positives are I could eat anywhere and pretty much what i want.. with in reason, the new program also goes mobile so I can put it on Steves blackberry and I am not sure if I can put it on my G1 though they also have a Mens program and Steve wants to lose weight .. although he loses weight in the blink of an eye when he wants.. but he might go on WW with me or follow along .. we are going to talk about these programs and make a decision prior to next week. WW would be the most easiest and when I follow it I have success.. My sister says I should go to the meetings to be held accountable.. I HATE THE MEETINGS, its full of fluffy people for the most part.. and yes they might be losing weight but I seldom see really big people there usually tennis moms and the like.. Fluff.. nothing has ever helped me at the meetings.. Online the program is accessible 24 /7 .. I think I can do e tools if I do go to meetings... I dont know what I want to do.. I hated the meetings years ago when i did them.. I did lose weight.. maybe 15 pounds or so .. just not sure what to do.. BUT I MUST DO SOMETHING...
Until next time

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Middle of the Week

Boy it has been a rocky road this last week, Steves brother went in the hospital but is doing better and is home now.. Steve went from a meeting in Panama City last Thursday to Ft Lauderdale on Friday .. to be with his brother all via motorcycle and originally just packed for a one day trip .. ( to Panama City from our home).. He got home last night no worse for wear thank God.. I am so glad that his brother is doing better Yay...
Got some really good recipes to share..
Spinach chicken skillet
Carribbean chicken
Banana bread
Well keeping small today..
All is well..
Got a busy few weekends coming up.. Steve's youngest daughter Sara graduates from college next weekend, the following weekend, we have a party to go too. and the weekend after that our neice Hannah graduates from high School. May is pretty booked up.. So any vacation planning I am thinking of doing will have to be put off until June I guess.. (sigh)..
Until next time...

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Don't stop Believing (as the song goes)

Well Monday was a bust.. so I am so not going to mention a start date or anything remotely similiar... things are status quo for me.. a bit annoyed, a bit irritated , generally happy....
Got a recipe that wowed Steve this weekend...
Here is what I did..
Another me Creation:

Teriyaki Chicken (Honi style)
At first Steve did not like how I was doing things in the prep.. He likes his veggies chunky and bigger pieces I think they cook better and stretch out more when they are chopped not super small but Chopped.. ya know..( after eating dinner he agreed with me on the veggie chopping )
but when he ate dinner .. lets just say.. he would be eating it right now if we had some left..
Boneless Skinless breast.. we did 3 ( adjust to how much you want)
sweet onion
RED pepper ( don't cheap out and use green Use RED, ORANGE OR YELLOW me RED is best)
baby bella mushrooms
(and any veggie you want to add ~FRESH WORKS BEST)
First chop chicken up.. next time we are going to use smaller pieces of chicken instead of chunks.. marinate in Lachoy Teriyaki sauce for 30 minutes at least..
We used basmati rice , Start rice by directions on bag or box..
Chop veggies up.. ( we did not have water chestnuts but now for next time we do)
First stir fry chicken with a little canola oil until cooked through, set chicken aside, if rice is cooked by now set that aside too..
Rinse out stir fry pan
recoat with a little canola oil..
heat pan back up.. add veggies , add more Lachoys Teriyaki sauce ( I say lachoys because that is what we used) cook veggies , stiring every so often.. *add water chestnuts now* add chicken stir.. taste if it tastes well blended do not add anymore sauce if it does not .. add a little more sauce and continue stir frying veggies and chicken.. I like my veggies tender but CRUNCHY..
Place rice on plate add Chix Teriyaki.. and enjoy... WE had left overs we enjoyed for a couple days after... Steve is still talking about that meal..
I would do the exact same recipe as above.. but I would also do a recipe using an assortment of veggies... everything from Zuchini to spinach , to asparagus.. have fun with it..
Also I am going to make a Veggie pie tonight
with Zuchini (sliced and halved)
baby bella mushrooms (sliced)
celery (chopped tiny)
carrots (chopped tiny)
onion (chopped tiny)
red pepper (chopped chunky)
I will be using the Heart Healthy Bisquick
and a couple eggs and canola oil.. I think I use parmesean cheese for this recipe too.
Its a variation on Zuchini pie .. I figured why not veg it out.. ya know.. this way I will have a nice veggie dinner and lunch for Thurs and Friday too.
Well that wraps it up for today
Until next time..

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Seems I am posting roughly once a week..

I will try and improve on that...
So last night I go and get my face waxed.. ( have been doing it for years removes unsightly hair growth and dead skin)... I love where I am going now.. never had a problem until last night.. I had a allergic reaction.... the young lady that takes care of me felt bad and gave me a soothing hydrating facial to try and help however it burned my skin worse.. when I got home my face was swollen in spots and blotchy with blisters... we tried a "sensitive skin wax" and I do much better on the hard wax alone... I have ultra super sensitive skin.. I looked the elephant man for a while.. I puttyed on the make up today but my face still looks rough.. I used a lot of carrot oil this morning for healing and it was the only thing that did not sting the shit out of my face... I only get my face done about every 3 months .. next time I will not let her try that other wax.. and stick with the old hard wax... she puts that on and peels the actual wax off with out using the material... for some reason the hard wax does better on my skin ... ohh well live and learn ....
Knowing full well I need to get a grip..and get myself pointed in the right direction.. ( I have not been to far off the path but still.. not doing what I should).. I am targeting Monday April 20th as my start date.. Yeah I know I know.. why do I do that... for me .. I have to have a plan sometimes it works.. sometimes I fail.. hopefully I am ready to make it work...
IT was nine months ago yesterday that I lost my mom... and her words still ring in my ears.. Please take care of your heart... I am doing a lousy job of it right now.. I know... but I have not given up.. I just need to make the commitment again... I watch.. my husband's son and he is so commited to his body... I mean he does the Power Man dualothon , he did an Iron man.. he has done marathons .. he works out and is the trimmist leanest thing.. almost too trim.. but he is so devoted with out being obsessive unless its race or competition time... He almost lives to train.. I admire that .. I admire that devotion .. I wish it were bottled in an elixir and I could drink it.. and poof I would have that .. minus and distraction in my life...
I do not use mom's death as an excuse for over eating.. there is no excuse .. it is just something I am doing now.. eating wrong.. I know these things with no excuse I know them.. they are there..
and it is totally up to me.. no excuses.. to change .. to make a commitment to self...
This I know to be true and self evident of me... its like the saying goes.. IF you do what you have always done you will get what you have always got... its time .. for something big to happen.. before something "BIG" (read: BAD) does happen..
Am thinking of doing the combo plan a little Eating Well.. and Weight watchers.. it would really be the new WW that they have out... have had success with WW online in the past and am considering going back to it...
opinions are appreciated...
Until next time...
THIS looks really good to me...

Friday, April 10, 2009

Honi's Veggie Mac and Cheese

Last night I was bored.. very bored.. so I decided to make something...
I had had this idea brewing for sometime but decided to experiment a bit...
I bought the barella plus mac cooked as directed and set aside

I took the light Velveta cheese, 2 cups skim milk, 1 egg, salt and pepper and simmered stove top .
I used about 3/4ths of the 16 oz container of Velveta and then I added 2 % shredded cheese about a cup or so.. and let that simmer on a low heat,
Meanwhile I chopped up 1/2 a sweet onion, 1/2 a container of baby bella mushrooms, 2 medium zuchinis , 1 vine ripe tomato (removed seeds and pulp) sauted with a little olive oil stove top..
I sprayed a pyrex with olive oil spray and set aside
I preheated the oven to 350
I turned up the heat just a bit on the cheese sauce and stirred consistantly until completely smooth and a good smooth taste... after everything was cooked I poured the drained mac into a big bowl added the cheese sauce and veggies.. combined well.. and then poured all into the pyrex dish .. I sprinkled a handful of 2% shredded sharp cheddar on the top of the mac mixture and baked for about 1 hour a@ 350... Delicous...
I will be ammending the recipe over time, less cheese more veggies, I might even move t0 whole wheat mac although for this recipe I tend to find the flavor profile to be too heavy.. I prefer the Barilla plus pastas...
I am starting to get my will back finally.. I dont know where it will go but I do know that if I continue on the destructive path I am on right now.. for whatever excuse I am using at the second.. well. I know all I am doing is hurting myself.. I am not solving anything.. .
So I am beginning to seize the day..
Until next time..